'The one'

[anothernamejeeves]

Has anyone else ever felt like they aren't the one or the one you are with isn't the one?

Is 'the one' even a thing?

I've got to be honest I've never felt like 'I'm the one' for my DH. Whether it's just me or whether he never made me feel like that I don't know. I have after 19 years together only just discussed this.

Anyone else get this?

What did he say?

And I’m still waiting for ‘the one’ but do believe there’s a few ‘ones’

I don't think there's any such thing. Most of us, if lucky, find a 0.7 or 0.8 and survive a few years.

As the Eagles said...
"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with"

There’s no such thing as ‘the’ one. There’s people who suit you at the time and in the circumstances and there are people who don’t. Sorry you’re feeling this way.

I found my “one” when I was 19. He was my soulmate and I loved him to bits until the day he died aged 36.
That was nearly 28 years ago and I have never remarried. He’s irreplaceable.

He just said he doesn't really show affection

@Babdoc

I know what you mean. I’m not with the one either but don’t really believe he exists.

I remain hopeful

I don’t feel like the one for my DH either. I’m sure I was the one he settled for. He was my one

The concept of "the one" is toxic, disempowering and the source of huge misery. "The one" will never be held to account if he abuses his partner- anything is permissible because its "meant to be".

The one is part of the fairy story that women are spun along with shiny knights. Men seem not too bothered with stories.

@rvby interesting perspective

I think sometimes they do exist.

My ex and best friend was definitely the one, I really don’t think I will feel as intensely about anyone else. I know he feels the same way, but a relationship isn’t an option due to his career and my personal life, so we’re both firmly back in the friend zone.

I do have a boyfriend who I really am in love with, and I’m a bit love sick at the moment as I haven’t seen him in two weeks ☹️

But, I don’t think I’ll ever feel what I felt for my ex, but it doesn’t stop me loving and being happy with someone else. Just because they aren’t the ‘one’ it doesn’t mean they aren’t incredibly special.

I don't think there is just one soulmate for us. Sometimes relationships don't last forever and we can find new love.

I very much ' like ' my dh . We are good friends , I know I can rely on him . I think he tries his very best, and wants me to have the very best. I value our time together , and enjoy being alone together.
We have been together 20 years but I would not say he is the love of my life.
We don't hold hands when walking down the street , he doesn't ever hug me except when we cuddle in bed. He isn't a touchy feely person.
I'm quite touched when I see elderly couples walking down the street and think it's really sweet , but know I'll probably never get that myself in the future.

Love the One You're with is Steven Stills.

"The one" like "love at first sight" is nonsense.

Aw, thanks for the flowers Notthetoothfairy, although I wasn’t trawling for sympathy - I just wanted to say that soulmates or “the one” can exist. I was blessed to spend 16 years with someone who was an absolute sweetheart.
DH rescued me from my abusive parents, showed me what love is, was a wonderful caring dad to our babies and did the lion’s share of the chores when I was working 100 hour weeks as a junior doctor- including coming into the hospital every night I was on call and cooking my dinner there.
When he died, he was harvested for organ transplant, so I like to think his heart may still be beating in someone else. And that God will reunite us when I eventually die myself.

Aww @Babdoc what a beautiful thought

My husband is a very kind man and would never let his kids down but I just feel like he wasn't that bothered about us being together initially and that he just settled

I think searching for "the one" can ruin perfectly good relationships, because people get so caught up on what they should think, feel and behave like when they meet "the one", and reality never meets expectations.

I don't believe in "the one". I think there are lots of people you could have brilliant relationships with, but we're not even likely to meet the majority of people we could be perfect with. I mean, who's to say that your "one" is going to be within the - say - 20 mile radius you might set on Tinder (as an example)? Wouldn't it be a coincidence if, out of everyone in the whole world, your "one" lived in the same town? I don't think so.

Good partnerships are just that - two people working together towards common goals. That could be having children, travelling, running a business.. any number of things.

No relationship is perfect, but if you meet someone with similar interests who matches your personality and treats you well, and someone you can work through the tough times with, that is something worth holding onto.

So many people end perfectly good relationships because they think they can find something better.. but it's doubtful they ever will, as they're looking at unrealistic ideals.

Just to add to my post, obviously you have to click with someone in a romantic way, otherwise what I've described is a friendship situation.

My fiance is the one. When I met him it was like nothing I have ever felt. I was drawn to him as he was to me. I can honestly say I never felt such attraction and psychological connection before. We moved in together after two months, engaged after 5 months and together for 3 years now. We still feel the same, talk as much, cuddle as much, have sex as much, the feelings we have for each other are just as strong.