How to get the boring bloke to notice me?

[Cheeselipbalm]

First off, I'm single, he's single (apparently) so no home wreckers here!
I've got a crush for a guy at work. He's known for being a bit boring, but I really like that he's not like the rest. He tells it like it like it is and refreshingly honest and straightforward in a world of luvvies. I'm having such trouble getting him to notice me.
First off he's lateish forties, I'm 30. I've got quite a good figure (ish) and wear quite a bit of make up. I usually attract Daily Star readers when I like the quiet, nerdy Guardian readers of this world.
I think he probably wouldn't expect me to be attracted to him. That's not to say I think he likes me or would necessarily go for someone like me. He probably finds me repellent. I haven't noticed him trying to find ways to talk to me, he seems almost angry at me when he talks to me.
I know we share a similar interest so should I try to find a way to talk to him about that? It's been so long I can't remember how you do this stuff!

It's actually a brilliant film, @Cheeselipbalm! It also makes you a passionate, uncannily beautiful violinist played by Emanuelle Béart.

On a more serious note, though, the 'tempestuous heart under the frosty exterior'/projecting emotion onto a blank canvas/'he's different when he's with me' thing is easy to get sucked into.

It’s not so good if you can play the violin.

I'm a cellist.

I've read reviews of that movie you mentioned. It sounds good, if a little slow moving. The Stephane character isn't a tragic figure. There's nothing wrong with being "aromantic" I think the term is, provided you acknowledge it and are honest about it. Passion is overrated IMO. And in the movie he is completely honest with the violinist character, but still she pursues him.

Why is he an ex-nurse? He's only in his 40's. Was he struck off?

Yes, that's the only reason someone might not be a nurse anymore. Noone has ever voluntarily left a relentless, often thankless job with unsociable hours, low pay and high rates of burn out.

OP, I'd probably check under his patio too because on the evidence so far (late 40s, former nurse grumpy at work), he is almost certainly a serial killer.

Maybe your crush man hasn't had many,or any relationships before, and he doesn't know how to respond in these situations. Or maybe he doesn't feel worthy of your personal attractions,and is shy to make a move. I guess you will have to "watch this space kind of " and see what might transpire.

I used to rather like serious types of men, sometimes a good woman can bring some sunshine into their lives, as in less serious or boring.

No, Stéphane isn't tragic at all, and no one suggests he is, even Camille she continues to find him enigmatic and fascinating. But I don't think it's entirely fair to say he doesn't also, initially, play with her interest he comes to her rehearsals, and asks her for a coffee, tells her he loves watching her talk, and that he must have been in love at some point, that he'd decided to seduce her to get back at his business partner. He's not unconscious of his effect on her.

Sorry, that was to @Scott72.

@Otterhound I thought this too I was in a really similar situation to OP, also in IT, grumpy.. he was diagnosed with ASD whilst we were together. I think I thought the behaviour he showed to others was just "not suffering fools gladly" could change if I "taught him" but unfortunately it couldn't. We also bonded over talking through IT stuff

KatherineJaneway but isn't that sort of being fake? I read classical literature but I like leopard-print and hoop earrings. I listen heavy metal but I like mustard yellow. I just like what I like!

I'm not saying you have to change, not at all! You are who you are. What I'm saying is that you need to ensure men you are interested in know your likes and tastes. Some people do judge by what we look like so you just need to let a man know that you love leopard print clothes but also love reading Dostoevsky for fun (latter is an example).

This thread is a bit negative! Why not chat more about your shared interest and perhaps suggest going for a drink to talk about it further?

Sure he might turn out to be grumpy bastard but a bit of light work place flirting is hardly the emotional investment of the century. No need to see awful red flags on the basis of pretty limited information.

THere are some truly horrible comments on this thread. It is noticeable that Mumsnet has been innundated by this over the last couple of weeks.
In response to the OP. dress down slightly and go easy on makeup but just ask the guy for coffee or whatever and just 'be yourself.
Everything else is just pure peculation and much has been rather nasty.

Resting 'grumpy' face may just be the way he looks and not necessarily how he feels inside.

Cheeselipbalm he sounds like my eldest son and husband- both in IT/programming.

Ask him for a drink, get to know him a bit, see if he's your kind of guy. Bear in mind that the slightly distracted, slightly grumpy air will persist. He may change initially when he gets interested, but will almost certainly revert to type. Can you manage a relationship with someone who is generally thinking about something else, and needs reminding that you are there? I've done 25 years now, and he's getting better at remembering to take me and my preferences into account!

Lie across his desk every morning ( joke )

Hello, thanks for starting this thread - I've found it useful for myself as it has helped explain one of my previous relationships. Looking back I couldn't understand what I'd seen in him or how it happened, there seemed to be no good in it for me. But this has helped me to work it out - I was attracted to him as he was "different" in that he was very quiet, kept himself to himself, spent lunchtime sitting by himself feeding ducks. I assumed (based on myself) that he was shy, anxious, and I was attracted to that as similar to me. It turned out though that he just wasn't interested in other people, didn't like them much, didn't see the point unless he would get something out of the interaction. He wasn't any different from how he seemed, there were no hidden depths, and though I like ducks too that wasn't enough! I stayed with him far too long, I think partly because I was waiting for him to be like I thought he would be.