ex partner has turned into a modern day hippy

[itsapageinthebook]

Hi all,
I am reaching out to see if anyone has been through the same thing or similar because I am finding it so hard to get people to relate to me
Long story short- me and my partner was together for 8 years and have a 2 year old daughter together I also have a daughter to a previous relationship although my recent ex was always much more of a dad to her.
for two years (since daughter no2 ) my ex has slowly but surely transformed himself into a completely different person. He is now a modern day hippy to the most extreme level, theres a lot more to that particular story but I wont bore you all. I believe he has had abit of a break down since baby came along and hes took the responsibility of providing a healthy lifestyle too far to the point where he is a extreme vegan who will only drink /cook/ wash veg in distilled water. He also got rid of all of his lovely clothing in exchange for basic organic cotton clothing and he now wears multiple crystals daily. This is all gradually happened over two years week in week out it was something new. I talked to his parents and expressed my worries but they didn't see the issues until we actually broke up and he lived back at theres , they too are now worried but its past the point. My ex doesn't believe he is doing anything wrong and laughs when we offer any type of help or support. He came to me towards the end of the relationship and said if you and the kids don't turn vegan we cant be a family any more, (not that we was much of a family anyway) I thuaght he was joking and I was desperate to keep us together at the time in hope this was just a phase so I turned vegan. It still wasn't good enough though I was never going to be as passionate about health as him. He then said for us to get rid of the television and internet , i just felt like i was permently fighting against society and I would explain this to him but he was so adamant .We would just argue and fight all the time and the relationship became very vile and toxic so we parted ways.
That's when hewent back to his parents and then eventually got his own place -its been just under a year now but its not getting easier for me . I feel like I am just continuing life the way it always was whilst he has this whole new life hanging around with a whole new set of friends who are likeminded.
The pain of watching him change person week by week was so painful, I physically watched him fall out of love with me and when he told me I am not his type anymore it really hurt me. he still claims he will always love me but I know that isn't true. I feel like me and the kids have just been completely dropped, he does still see the children but only one and a half days a week, the rest is spent with his friends talking about veg.
He is self employed and deciding to work less and less which is worrying but I'm concentrating on myself and my own money issues.
I just don't know how to get over this situation, I know everyone is entitled to change and grow but when it majorly effects the person you once loved and also your children I cant help but hate him for it all.
Every time I come in contact with him when he picks the kids up I go back into the house crying , like the only way I can describe it is that I am grieving a person who is still alive. I feel like I held on far to long hoping it was all a nightmare that I would wake from - its seriously damaged me.
Apart from feeling completely numb and in shock of what's actually happened. me and the girls are doing really well i've adjusted back to the stress of single mum life and the house does feel like a home again because we have no one giving us lecture about health 24/7.

I suppose his parents only started getting annoyed when he was under their roof annoying them. But he's your ex, he's not your problem anymore, there really is nothing you can do, it's his choice how he lives his life. You're going to have to let it go and just get on with your own life

@aryastarkwolf I know I feel that way too about his parents too, they came crying to me and did apologise for not listening previously. we believe he has a eating disorder called Orthorexia his ways are so extreme. I Understand its his choices, but his choice has effected me and its been a very painful 2 years watching his turn into somone who I don't recognise anymore. He looks right through me like I never meant anything to him atall - asif its always been this way ,but it hasn't. heartbreak is one thing to get over but this is torture for me personally, I just hope time heals.

awww, I know it's hard but time really does heal, you do have to keep yourself out of it as much as possible (I know you can't completely because of your child) but you're never going to be able to move on properly if you're talking about him constantly and having meetings with his parents etc etc

I appreciate this isn't the priority but if he just steams all his food, by definition he's cooking it in distilled water... might be cheaper than buying in gallons of distilled water!?

Just let him get on with it, he's your ex and apart from the child you share shouldn't really come into your mind.
What exactly is he doing wrong?

whats he doing wrong? nothing, according to him apart from improving himself and his own life style. Which is all well and good but he put us as a family through hell whilst he educated himself, I couldn't have a cup of tea in peace without him commenting in a aggressive way on the additives in the tea bag and the splash of cows milk. He literally drove me crazy I was walking on egg shells, that's why we are split- which is the right thing. But the fact its happened really sudden and he was once my best friend now he is unrecognisable its kind of hard to come to terms with myself as I said I feel like I'm grieving somone who is still alive- nothing of his old self remains and its gone to far now for it to ever go back. Infact I don't even expect him to go back I understand its his life decision and I have no option but to let him get on with it its just hard it really is . Ideally I should of left him when it all started because that would of saved a lot of the arguments I just never realised he would go so extreme and I didn't think he ever had it in him to drop his own child the way he has. its just sad really

you know I was just looking for someone to relate really, as it is a unusual case we was all so happy and I know he was at the time. the change came out the blue and became more extreme week after week and I slowely watched it unfold not thinking it would be permanent , ive heard of family splitting over a lot of things- but never food obsession. I think that's why I am finding it hard to move on because I'm sill in shock really- it sounds so silly to people when I tell them but its so serious.

If you hang around and keep your thread bumped someone will come along who gets it.
My friend lost her closeness with a pleasant husband who found God and try as she might she couldn't share the experience of being saved. She said he was a better man in the early days of his new obsession though.

I’ve got friends who’ve gone Vegan and by God they certainly let you know about it.

There’s a lot of similarities to the whole “born again” schtick, including a need to evangelise to anyone and everyone who doesn’t follow the lifestyle.

Yes, I get that it’s better for the planet, less methane production, more humane etc but FGS enjoy the smug satisfaction and leave the rest of us alone!

Vegan's not really a 'food thing', it's a lifestyle thing. Maybe if you can see it in those terms it would be easier? People change. Did he have a health scare or anything that prompted his 'obsession' as you see it? Having his own child could have prompted serious thinking about how people are knackering the planet and this is the best he can do to counter that. As much as it hurts I think you have to accept this new version of him. Maybe give it a bit more of a try, not full time but a dabble? You might find he mellows as he comes to term with his new choices, and you might see some merits.

He also got rid of all of his lovely clothing in exchange for basic organic cotton clothing

Organic cotton clothing is lovely clothing.

Tbh, OP, you sound pretty narrow minded and pedestrian. I imagine that's why you're not his type any more.

Why is it serious? Your posts make it sound like you think his change is a Bad Thing.

Nothing wrong with what he’s doing, but it’s not your bag and you probably aren’t his either now. It’s sad when people get together with someone who is one thing and then becomes something else altogether. I know a few people OP who have had the reverse situation , start off quite hippy like and then become total ‘bread heads’ if an idea makes them money , that’s bizzare too for the left behind partner

He sounds like an absolute pain in the rear, OP, and i can understand why you are glad to be rid of him, but at the same time, you miss the good man you once had. I think all you can do is look after the children, make sure he doesnt get too weird with them, and just be kind to yourself.

I think that the OP is getting a bit of a hard time. The veganism is besides the point really, as someone said it could be that he’d become devoutly religious or even become militantly left wing when he’d been a Tory voter before.

Regardless of what it is, it must be extremely hard. I think that having him in your life is a constant reminder of what you’ve lost and even though you’re not together you obviously still care for him very much. Any extreme change would be worrying and you should grieve. I think for your own sanity you should step back and have less contact, only about your DC and no contact with his parents. Hopefully the distance will make it easier for you to separate who he is now from who he was.

I had a breakdown and it felt like awakening. I had been vegetarian but all of sudden I had a spiritual connection with the world around me. I had always respected life but that respect of every living thing became even more heightened. I found it really hard to comprehend that really nice people could love their pets yet think it was ok to eat an animal that had suffered a horrendous existence and horrific death. Yet I also knew being judgmental and preachy was not the way forward. Veganism is about caring for all, animals and humans. I think this is less about the food, as making a choice such as veganism should not have a detrimental affect on your family.

Howdy! I created this account after reading this mess cause I HAD to reply! My ex girlfriend turned into one of those grass eating drug taking kind of subspecimen we all know as HIPPIES too! I was away for business for 3 months (Alaska Truck Driver), came back home and found my apartment as a mess with strong incence/weed/cigarettes/idontknowwhatelse smells... I was 23 at the time raised in a conservative family and very attached to conservative values (still am and proud!) haha whatever... I was working away cause the pay was good and it was helping us BOTH pay of our college tuituion. She had been my so for 5 years, we did everything together. Now here comes the real funny/weird part: We're both from a small town in Arkansas, and spent most of the time Hunting, Fishing and going to Church, talking and discussing politics Marriage and kids... pretty weird uh? I guess you can, better than anybody else, find the irony in this. Anyways I lost a bunch of money cause she dropped out of college to go to the west coast with some friends I had never EVER known of. Note that we live in a small town and we both hated junkies. I came home to find the most important person for me at the time (really didn't see that coming) having turned into a psycho. She left everybody telling us to F Off, her parents offered to give me my money back, but they're super nice hard working people so I totally refused... I think this is the big difference, (don't know much about you but you seem alright). We have a heart. We care for other people, we sacrifice and respect others. They don't, they reject adulthood complaining about everything and HATING everybody that is not like them. The don't like responsibilities and have no goals... They're basically that kid that always cried when something wasn't pleasant for him... Bless Your Heart, bless your children and my personal advice is to keep them away from your ex husband. Best of luck you're stronger than this.

Edit. Reading all these comments makes me sick. Do y'all have any Idea what being an adult means? "It's his choice and you are wrong for not accepting it" He left her ALONE with TWO kids he was the father figure of. There is no mercy for this kind of behaviour, People may change but that doesn't justify the way he acted. Geez give me a break. You can't act like a teenager your whole life.... or at least do it without hurting others and stop being so selfish.

OP I kind of get it. My exh turned from being a lovely man, to a controlling an abusive nightmare, for apparantly no reason in the space of 2 years. I actually suspect he cheated at some point then became obsessed that I must have too. It's the inky ratio al explanation i can come up with. Since i never cheated never so much as inappropriately text someone.

I get the feeling that the person you are closest to changing completely.

However, you need to just rely and let it go. Disconnect. I dont care if exh turns back into the lovely man I once knew. He isnt my problem. He is still the man thay abused me. And your ex abused you. Threatening to end the relationship unless you eat what he says, is abusive.

He has changed his lifestyle and so changed as a person. Its not easy, but you need to start detaching yourself. Emotionally. You can only do that by deciding he is no longer your problem. If you see him and it upsets you, keep reminding yourself he is choosing to be this person with no concern for anyone else or anyone who it impacts.

It really doesnt matter if he uses distilled water or wheres organic clothes. He ethics of how life should be, no longer match yours. It's a good thing you arent together.

It takes time, but you have to out the mental energy to disconnecting as well. If his parents come to you again, pack them on their way. He isnt your problem.

why has this become a conservative thread
OP this genuinely sounds like he's mentally unwell - as a pp refers to as well, orthorexia maybe. Not much anyone can do if he won't accept help, sadly...focus on you and your DC.

Damn dirty leftie hippies trying to be ethical eh, caring about animals and the planet, how dare they Nothing wrong with being a 'hippie'. Plenty wrong with being obsessive to the point of mentally unwell as in this case.

It’s not about the clothes and food, its the sudden, obsessive change. Just as if he suddenly converted to a strict religious doctrine. I’m sorry OP, but I don’t think there is much you can do except minimise your contact with him, grieve and move on.

I understand OP. He sounds like a nightmare and not the guy you fell in love with. He's being very selfish, essentially putting his (ridiculously faddy) lifestyle first at the expense of his relationships with his parents, wife and own child. It must be hard.

Is he quite young? Perhaps he never quite grew up, went through the teenage rebellion stage until now. Brains keep developing into your 20s then downhill all the way . Whatever the reason he is what he is now. Do you feel your dc are safe with him? Obviously being Vegan is fine, but if he is ill. Is there any way you can cut down seeing him. Drop the dc at his parents for example or him collect them from school/nursery. It might help to lessen your feelings while you grieve for him.

Sadly OP you are better off without him.
He is exactly like my exH. If you don't follow him doing his latest obsession you get dumped. My ex was into all kinds of shit and after 20 years of being forced to follow his latest lifestyle I got sick of him and that was that. It wasn't veganism it was other things, no TV was part of it.
It's such a relief to be shot of all that rubbish and living the life we want to live.
It's basic selfishness and do you want a man who will dump his kids because you are not falling into line.
Good luck with the rest of your life.

I feel for you OP, and at extreme levels like this his behaviour became controlling (when you were still together) and yes sounds like mental illness really.
As you said he's ditched his kids to talk about veg with his friends. Priorities skewed, funny how mum gets left looking after the kids alone (as per usual).

I would try and think of him as being ill, and grieve, and move forward with your life.