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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I right to be upset?

39 replies

LittleMiss2011 · 16/09/2019 06:39

I had a date with a man on Saturday. He asked me to book the table at my local restaurant, so I booked the table for 7 pm. He told me that he would take a Uber and pick me up as he did not want me to wait in the restaurant alone. I offered to have a small drink/Aperitif in the garden then we would take another Uber to the restaurant.
We had some communication during the day on Saturday I asked him what time he would be at mine. He told me 5.30pm. I asked if he could come at 6 pm instead to give me time to get ready.

I organised a small drink with snacks, got the house fairly cleaned up.
5.55 pm, I received a message to meet at 6.30 pm instead. At 6.30 pm, he called to say he was going to be late as he was still waiting for someone to take some keys from him and there was bad traffic. He then suggested not going to the restaurant but for him to come to my house and eat the snacks that I had arranged. I told him no.
He knew all day that he was not going to meet me as planned, why not tell me early or even cancel the date?

It's Monday morning, I am on my way to the gym, but I am still fuming. I have blocked and deleted his number. He even dared to phone me yesterday to ask meet.

I need a good workout today, I stayed in bed most of the day yesterday, missed my gym sessions.

OP posts:

Badolddays · 16/09/2019 06:43

No that’s not on. So he wanted to come to yours for the evening for a ‘first date’ when you had never met before? I had plenty of chancers like that when I was online dating.

category12 · 16/09/2019 06:53

I wouldn't have someone pick me up on a first date or in my house, in case they turn out to be a weirdo. Seems a little ill-judged on your side there.

You're right to be annoyed, he was trying it on, trying to push things into sex.

Next!

category12 · 16/09/2019 06:54

Not sure why you're so upset that you needed to stay in bed yesterday - how long have you been talking to him? Don't invest much early on.

Hwory · 16/09/2019 06:55

Op he wanted to come to your house and hour and a half before your booking. I would bet my right arm he was chancing to have sex with you.

Don’t meet people at your home.

Biancadelrioisback · 16/09/2019 06:59

This was the first time you were meeting him?
But you invited him to have drinks and snacks in your garden?

Badolddays · 16/09/2019 07:11

I also wouldn’t want someone to pick me up from my home. I have met some weirdos over the years and have been grateful when I know they don’t know where I live.

OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole · 16/09/2019 07:17

Op you really do need to risk assess more strongly.

Always meet a first time date in a public place.

Hopoindown31 · 16/09/2019 07:25

You don't need to be upset. You do need to make sure that first dates don't involve him knowing where you live in future. You don't know this man at all.

Yeahnahyeah1 · 16/09/2019 07:29

it was a bad idea from the off to invite a man to your house on a first date, let alone for him to actually come in and have a drink with you. Not overly safe. Also, I think you need to work on your resilience, you stayed in bed most of the day yesterday and you’re still fuming today?? Come on now.

0lga · 16/09/2019 07:33

It was also a bad idea to plan to share a taxi with him. Let alone have him come to your house. Why would you even let him know where you live ?

Seriously what were you thinking OP!

PurpleDaisies · 16/09/2019 07:37

How well did you know this guy before? Staying in bed most of the day after what happened seems a bit excessive.

I’d be annoyed but just write him off and move on.

firstimemamma · 16/09/2019 07:39

He was obviously out of order but I also don't think you were very wise in being ok with any part of the date involving an Uber / your house. First several dates - always in a public place. You need to stay safe!

EmmiJay · 16/09/2019 07:40

He was chancing that he could spend the night most likely. Well thats his problem. You done the right thing blocking and deleting him. Also, maybe OP hadn't sent him her address yet? But that is a daring thing to do.

Username22344 · 16/09/2019 07:43

How old is he?

AnneKipanki · 16/09/2019 07:49

Learn and move on .

ShatnersWig · 16/09/2019 08:03

Oh come on, OP. What the hell were you thinking of inviting a man to your home for the first time of meeting him? Put your brain in gear for Christ's sake. How old are you?

Original poster

LittleMiss2011 · 16/09/2019 08:45

Lessons learned. I think I over-invested, he is from the same country as myself and known in the community.

I was upset with myself as I had a lot to do on Saturday, gardening, housework and was not able to attend to my allotment. I rushed around all day on Saturday and even bought a new outfit for the night out. I was dressed up with nowhere to go. It was his ideas about the meeting/dinner. I had not planned dinner for that night, all I had were snacks and some wine.

Ladies, I was also embarrassed and annoyed with myself for allowing this man to do this to me. Maybe he did for a laugh, maybe he even laughed at me. The reasons for staying in bed was because I just wanted to rest and watch a few documentaries.

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 16/09/2019 09:10

LittleMiss Just so you know, there are men on Mumsnet too, so you don't need to say "Ladies"

AnneKipanki · 16/09/2019 09:28

Ladies

Original poster

LittleMiss2011 · 16/09/2019 09:29

@Shatners, yes, I am aware that there are men on here, however, most of the comments and advice are coming from ladies.

Thank you for bringing it to be my attention.

OP posts:

AnneKipanki · 16/09/2019 09:33

Ah , YOU SHOULD NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING FROM SOMEONE'S USER NAME .

I AM female BTW.

ShatnersWig · 16/09/2019 10:54

most of the comments and advice are coming from ladies

So you knew some of the posters on your thread weren't female, but you chose only to address the ones who were?

For the record, I now self identify as a woolly mammoth and expect to be referred to as "they".

Scott72 · 16/09/2019 11:09

That's a truly pathetic ploy. He must think he's some kind of cunning Don Juan. Of course he's not. He was trying to get some first date sex.

Zaphodsotherhead · 16/09/2019 11:29

Next time someone tries to 'pick you up from your house so you don't have to wait in the restaurant alone' - insist on waiting in the restaurant. You won't be alone, the staff will be there. And go by taxi on your own!

It sounds like he was manipulating the whole situation to end up at your house, with nowhere to go on to, and, 'oh dear' taxi not booked to take him back until late evening - whatever will you do to pass the time?!

Chancer.

diddl · 16/09/2019 11:39

Wow, lucky escape there.

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