Is there hope? (My weight)

[sabrina1234]

So I am a 24 year old student nurse, coming to the end of my degree. The past 3 years have been crazy with what I have gone through, from an abusive relationship to dealing with personal insecurities and I feel as though at this point I have come to my breaking point. I think I am depressed as all I want to do is sleep and don't even do the things I enjoy anymore and have quite frankly lost interest in everything.
The thing that I think is bothering me the most is my weight. For as long as I can remember I have been fat/overweight. The thing that is most distinctive about my childhood is how my parents would scrutinise me for my weight. I rememebr my mum hitting me and screaming at me when I wouldn't fit into clothes, everything that would go wrong in my life would be blamed on me for "eating too much and not being thin" and everything always coming down to me being fat. I rememebr my dad slapping me whilst I had food in my hand and embarrassing me in front of people about my eating habits. Because of this I remember growing up blaming my weight for everything that went wrong which led to me comfort eating and carrying it through my teen years and adulthood. I remember two years before getting into a relationship my mother telling me that no one will want to ever marry me because I'm so fat. That absolutely broke my heart. I remember crying for 3 days straight . And when I confronted my mum she said its tough and the world is going to be harsher. This I would come to learn is true 2 years later when I found myself in an abusive relationship. I forgive my parents, don't get me wrong that wasn't the best way to talk to me or make me feel but they have done alot for me and no one is perfect.
However, after finding myself in an abusive relationship, he would often say the things that I never dreamed someone who would love me would say.ive heard everything from fat whore to unattractive bitch. And I just thought that's normal you know? Because of what I've been told whilst growing up. My mother would tell me I'm beautiful whilst also putting me down for my weight, the same way my boyfriend would call me beautiful and put me down. He cheated, I blamed being fat, he hit me, I blamed my weight. After my mum telling me I wouldn't ever find someone to love me, I started to lose weight and looked really good. Alot of it was motivated by wanting to look good for my boyfriend but then started gaining it all back after the abuse and have gradually gained more back since then.
And now I am at the point where it's all I think about, I feel so uncomfortable in myself and do not want to do anything besides going to work and university. I feel like I'm losing myself and have lost all motivation for life. I may eat healthy during the day but then start to comfort eat during the night for some reason. I have lost all confidence to go to the gym and don't know what to do anymore. Honestly I'm so lost all I want to do is sleep and forget everything. Is there anyone out there who is/also struggling with their weight that has any tips to get out of this rut? I would really appreciate the advice, thank you.

Oh my goodness, I want to give you a hug! you've been abused by your parents and then by your partner. Can you access some CBT through your GP or work/uni? That may help with the thought processes linked to the comfort eating.

I'm not the poster girl for exercise or diet, but Intermittent fasting has seen me lose 18lbs since the start of August. I also do yoga every day - as much for mind as body. We've got a lovely supportive thread in Weight loss chat called Lose lbs in September if you want to have a look - people are all using different methods that work for them.

Thank you for your advice I'll have a look at itxx

You have so much going on I really feel you would benefit from counselling, not about the weight but everything you have detailed above.

I know you think you have a weight problem problem but it is a lifestyle problem and until you cherish yourself you are never going to follow through in treating yourself well. I think unless you address the issues that have caused you to feel so low at only 24 you risk a cycle of self hate and failure at weight loss.

Why don’t you just have a gastric sleeve?

IME of 40 odd years of compulsive eating, gastric bypass was the only cure.

Get yourself to the GP now so you can get on the Pathways. First step will be an incredilbly patronising experience with a dietician and/or a prescription for orlistat. But you need it on your records so that when you ask for referral for bypass, it's there.

Obviously your ex and your mum are cunts.

I wouldn't want to get bypass, you have to eat healthy and exercise with that anyway so I'd rather keep trying but thank you

Do you know of any free counselling services? I'm still a student so cannot afford a counselor

you have to eat healthy and exercise with that anyway so I'd rather keep trying

Do you realise the irony of what you wrote?

Your uni or college almost certainly has free counselling for students.

I agree with others about counselling, it can really help to talk it through with someone who can guide you into changing your mindset!
I have always struggled with my weight, like you being good most the time and then binge eating and self sabotage.. look up TeamRH on facebook.. this has honestly been a complete life changer for me.. it challenges they way you think about food and dieting.. there's no crazy fad diets that lead you to be desperate to binge eat.. the guy who created it is so straight talking and I needed to hear it.. his videos really hit home to me.. take a look and watch some of his videos before deciding! X

My GP signposted me to a self referral counselling service.. it was free.. go to your GP they will know what's available in your area x

You poor thing, you definitely need counselling, can you ask at uni?
In terms of actually losing weight please don't resort to surgery you're so young, why not read some of the inspirational stories on dietdoctor.com

counciling will help. I suffer from comfort eatting and last year Ive lost 4 stone on slimming world and find stopping for group really helpful.

This isn't about dieting, you can lose weight in any number of ways, this nothing to do with what you weigh. This is about what your parents did to you. Its a form of abuse. There is a charity that has a brilliant helpline to deal with disordered eating, they are called Anorexia Bulimia Care (ABC) but they cover every form of eating affected by low self esteem etc. they will be able to signpost you, but more importantly they will be able to talk to you the counsellors there are great. I know full well loads of people will pile on here now with diet tips which is not what you need.
www.anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk/help-for-you

Thank you so much I'm going to have a look at it later , I really appreciate this

You might find this an interesting read (it is quite long, but contains some ideas that worked for one woman I know): https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/9odwns/ayearrinreviewwfromaatinypersonn57pounds/?utmmsource=share&utmmedium=iossapp&utm_name=iossmf

There is always hope - and with some commitment you can achieve a great deal.

A confident woman is an attractive woman, whatever her size.

Would you consider trying Slimming World?

In my experience, there's a lot of care and support and absolutely no judgement at Slimming World (plus the diet is really effective - I've eaten shed loads of food and still lost a lot of weight).

In the meantime, please be gentle with yourself.

Try Sparks People for weight loss. It has diet plans and counters, and forums, as does this one. The key is to lose consistently and not beat yourself up when you overeat.

Please see a physician for your depression. You may need a prescription.

Good luck!

I don’t want this to sound patronising, but do you know how to cook from scratch ingredients?

I ask because I know so many of my older DSDs friends can’t, which means when they’re trying to “diet” they’re using pre-prepared ready meals etc which are useless and usually loaded with salt and sugar.

If you are like them, a good step might be to see if the Uni (or a college locally) offers cooking classes. Cutting out all the hidden fat and sugar that goes into sauces, salad dressings, cereal etc will help a lot.

I think you need to address the emotional abuse you have endured during childhood and in your previous relationship in order to deal with your need to comfort eat. Once you have dealt with that and know why you do it, it will be so much easier to stop.

Your weight aside, you are doing so well! You're going to become a nurse and you've worked so hard for that. You are going to help and care for people and those people are going to look to you to as someone that is helping them in times of need. You are in a time of need right now and all those doctors and nurses are there ready to help you as well. Go to your GP asap

Hi @sabrina1234 thought I would come back and check in with you. Glad you've had some very useful posts about therapy etc. In my area it's called Talking Therapies and you can go via the GP or self refer...but your uni should also be able to help.

Take care

sabrina1234 try your student welfare team, they'll be able to let you know about counselling. I'd be surprised at a college or uni not having counselling available.

Weight loss is not the answer. It might be good for you, but ultimately will it change the lifetime of negative feelings? Probably not, you need help coming to terms with how you feel about yourself, recognising that your weight isn’t the thing that should define you and how you can form healthier relationships. Please talk to your gp about how you FEEL not just how you look and ask for a referral for counselling.

OP I want to give you a big hug!
YES you can do it! But you have to do this for you, not for anyone else. Make a serious list of the reasons why you want to lose weight and then think about the ones that are only for you. That becomes your ‘Why’ and keep looking at it every single day.

Don’t worry about how long it will take or the fact that you can’t stick to a diet for days or weeks or months. Approach this as a one day at a time sort of journey. Don’t think about yesterday and don’t worry about tomorrow, all you have to do is focus on what you’re doing today.

Have a look at Lisa A Romano on YouTube

This I would come to learn is true 2 years later when I found myself in an abusive relationship
And you know this is because your parents abused you.
You need some serious help.
Contact Womens Aid and ask for a list of counsellors in your area who deal with abuse.
Also get on their Freedom Programme as soon as you can.
Attend in person.
You need to reset your boundaries. Thanks to your parents you have no boundaries and no idea of red flags or how to end relationships.
It will help with your self-esteem as well.
I'm so sorry you were treated so badly as child.
It's the cycle of abuse and it's your 'normal' so you will keep getting into abusive relationships unless you address it.
There is always hope.
Please see your GP regarding your depression.