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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just found out my boyfriend is on tinder....

42 replies

Jane92 · 15/09/2019 13:33

I really need some help/advice. I’ve just found out my boyfriend of 4 years is on Tinder... he doesn’t know that I know.
I created a fake profile, and low and behold we matched.
Don’t get me wrong we’ve had our problems, but we’ve just got back off holiday and everything has been great, obviously not.
I don’t know how to handle this 😔

OP posts:
ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 15/09/2019 13:34

Catfish him see how far hes prepared to go or dump him op.

Queenoftheashes · 15/09/2019 13:34

Yeah I’d prob catfish too.

Probably isn’t the high road though.

Original poster
Jane92 · 15/09/2019 13:35

I messaged him on there... he hasn’t replied yet, I don’t know whether to just confront him?

OP posts:
glittertissues · 15/09/2019 13:36

I’d confront him OP - after you’ve taken screenshots of all the profile and all the photos so he can’t gaslight you.

hazandduck · 15/09/2019 13:37

How did you find out about him being on there? Could it be an old account from before you got together, or is his pic up to date?

strawberry2017 · 15/09/2019 13:38

Does it say when he was logged on? Did you know beforehand? Is that why you went on?

Coops80 · 15/09/2019 13:38

Why did you create a fake profile? Was you suspicious to start with or just trying it out yourself

OurChristmasMiracle · 15/09/2019 13:39

No don’t confront. Get loads of messages from him and screenshot them all and then confront and dump his sorry ass!

Original poster
Jane92 · 15/09/2019 13:40

So basically we had this issue a few months ago where he said he deleted it... to my knowledge he did for a while.
Then the other day he googled “nobody left to swipe on tinder” so I thought I’ll create a profile to make sure I wasn’t going mad, and there he was... we matched!

OP posts:
SuzieQ10 · 15/09/2019 13:41

Don't confront him yet. He'll make excuses, say he was only looking, minimise etc. Find out what he's really up to first.

Loopytiles · 15/09/2019 13:42

Dump him.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 15/09/2019 13:42

Don't mess around playing games, that's only going to cause you more hurt.

You know he is cheating or intending to do so. You can end your relationship knowing you've done the right thing.

RitmoRatmo · 15/09/2019 13:43

This same thing happened to me OP a year ago. New DP of 7 months unearthed on tinder. I’d had suspicions so I set up a fake profile and caught him out. Screenshotted it, sent him the shots, dumped & blocked.

After a while we started talking again and although I could see where this need for ego-flattery had come from (he was suffering v bad depression and had experienced a lot of loss I made clear I could not be in a relationship with him as would never be able to trust him. It hurt like hell but i knew I deserved better.

You deserve better. Speak to him and listen but do not be tempted to forgive & forget as this will eat away at you.

Original poster
Jane92 · 15/09/2019 13:43

I know 😔

OP posts:
OctoberLovers · 15/09/2019 13:43

Dont confront him. You need evidence

Message first, see whats his "up for"

bringonchristmas · 15/09/2019 13:45

Just end it. You know what he's doing. You don't need further proof.

VaggieMight · 15/09/2019 13:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

ChangeItChild · 15/09/2019 13:46

I'd also try to get talking first and see what he's up for. Screenshot everything and then you can dump him.

Original poster
Jane92 · 15/09/2019 13:52

Thing is he didn’t reply to my message, basically it was a quick hello & a comment about a picture of our dog! - so I don’t know how to message again without coming across like a weirdo

OP posts:
hazandduck · 15/09/2019 13:57

Oh I see, well I think the fact that this happened a few months ago would be enough evidence. I personally wouldn’t be able to carry on as normal. You don’t need evidence to end your relationship if you aren’t happy.

Chocolate123 · 15/09/2019 13:59

You don't need an answer he's there he has a profile he's done it before. Get rid of this will happen again

Marmozet · 15/09/2019 14:02

Set up another profile and match with him again. Then send a message.

eladen · 15/09/2019 14:02

Just end it. You know what he's doing. You don't need further proof.

Yes. You don't need to go on some obsessive quest for proof. You already have sufficient reason to end the relationship. It's not working.

What difference does "evidence" make?

PumpkinP · 15/09/2019 14:03

Gosh people on here are abit weird, isn’t being on tinder proof enough?! Why does she need to see how far he will go and get loads of messages? He’s on tinder says it all surely

SignedUpJust4This · 15/09/2019 14:21

You know what he is. Don't waste any more time on him