Just found out my boyfriend is on tinder....

[Jane92]

I really need some help/advice. I’ve just found out my boyfriend of 4 years is on Tinder... he doesn’t know that I know.
I created a fake profile, and low and behold we matched.
Don’t get me wrong we’ve had our problems, but we’ve just got back off holiday and everything has been great, obviously not.
I don’t know how to handle this 😔

You know the truth. You just need to walk away. No need to catch him out.

He lied. He said he wasn't on tinder and he clearly is. That's it. Over.

Why was he on tinder a few months ago if you've been together for 4 years??

According to OP he's been in tinder before and promised to delete etc. and yet she stayed with him then.

That's why it's been suggested she get concrete evidence that he's willing to cheat, as maybe seeing it in black and white will give her what she needs to leave him.

It sounds like as much as she doubts him and is hurt by what he's doing, he has the ability to talk her around and she gives him another chance

What further “evidence” is needed?

This is what he does when things are great between them. He looks for something better. Even if he never acts on it, is this a partner you want in life? When the shit hits the fan and your parent has died, one of you has lost a job, is diagnosed with a serious illness... how is he going to deal with that messy stress when he acts like this now?

Don’t settle for him.

Because he sure as fuck doesn’t want to settle for you and is still trying to find someone else.

I always ask: what brings you to the world of Tinder?
You could add to that by asking if he's looking for fun or something long term. You could also add that you're open to some fun but might be looking for something more later down the line. That way, if he's looking for a cheap thrill, he knows "you" are open to it and might respond.

I'm very sorry you're going through this. It does sound like you need to get rid. If he's done it twice now, he's definitely going to do it again.

The fact you've recently created a profile and matched shows he's been on there recently.

Message him to ask if he likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain?

You don’t need any further proof or evidence. He’s on there and actively using it. Get rid.

I don’t know how to handle this

You get rid of him. You don't have a profile on Tinder 4 years after you start a committed relationship.

Well it least it's only tinder, not Grindr !

And he must have been swiping since you created the profile, to match with you. So he's active on tinder. In a 4 year relationship.

This is unfortunate but I couldnt help but giggle a bit at him googling 'noone left to swipe on tinder'

He doesnt sounds very desirable by that fact alone, let alone having noone left to swipe while he has a lady at home.

What a creep, leave him.

Why on earth are people suggesting messaging to see what he's up for?! He's on fucking tinder, he's not on there to find cupcake recipes ffs. Just dump his cheating arse.

Do u not have a photo up? Or did u use somebody else's?

If he didnt reply to your message id say it's cos you have no photo. He definitely is "active" if he has matched with u & u only set up account v recently

Ahhh plot twist.

He could just be 'looking for friends'

Totally trustworthy.

So you've caught him on tinder before? He back on tinder again and you don't know how to handle it? This is your future, he lies and deceives you and is actively looking for another woman. He's proved he'll do it again and nothing's changed. Dump him. This feeling you have now is the feeling you'll always have

Wait until he replies. Otherwise he'll just lie

Message him this - "hey, not normally one for a double message but would you be up for swapping pictures?" If he's up to no good he will jump at the opportunity to send a sneaky dick pic. Once he sends one reply with one of your face like "hiyyaaaaaaa twat👋🏼👋🏼"