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Original poster

Partners female friend

35 replies

LILmam128 · 14/09/2019 17:39

I've been seeing someone for 3 months now and have found out recently that he has a female best friend that really likes him. She's siemone he previously worked with but still see's frequently. Yesterday I asked if they'd slept together and he said that they have before and now I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I found out as she'd sent a text to him saying 'you don't want a girl that has baggage' implying my daughter. I think if she had been nice about the situation I would be feeling differently but the comments aren't very polite.

He's made it very clear that he likes me a lot and I have no doubt that there's nothing between them but I don't know, it still makes me feel a bit uncomfortable the fact that she's trying to put him off me, as well as their history.

Would others be put off by this?

OP posts:
NewName4Mee · 14/09/2019 17:47

Id back away slow

beenwhereyouare · 14/09/2019 18:07

Not as much their history as her comment. How do you know what she said anyway? If he told you, he must not have realized what a can of worms he'd opened. Maybe he's trying to be transparent so you won't feel threatened, and maybe he told you because he wanted you to know that's not how he feels, but it will make it harder to be comfortable around her.

Still, how he sees your relationship is all that matters. As long as he defends you her feelings aren't as important. If she continues he may distance himself from her. It definitely was rude, although she probably didn't expect you to find out.

Original poster
LILmam128 · 14/09/2019 18:12

He just came out with it when he was round one night. He said she was being off with him because he was over at mine and then came out with what she'd said.

He told me that he previously said to her that he couldn't imagine being with siemone who had a kid but he'd never tried before and since getting to know me he seems to be completely fine with it. So I think she's played on what he said, but regardless it was a rude comment. I'm not sure what he replied, but I'm hoping he would have told her how he feels as he has told me.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/09/2019 18:16

Why is he telling you this shit ? Have a think about that. As usual, she is not your problem.

Northernparent68 · 14/09/2019 18:26

Is it worth the hassle ?

violetdelights · 14/09/2019 18:35

I would tell him that my DD isn't baggage! I think that's a horrible term for children of a single parent. I would tell him that SHE is his baggage and I don't think I could live with that. If he really wants to make this relationship work then he needs to distance himself from her. She sounds jealous and quite frankly she's toxic. There's nothing wrong with a man having a female best friend but her attitude isn't right. She should be happy that he has found someone who makes him happy.

RLEOM · 14/09/2019 18:47

When I got with my ex, he had a female friend who he spoke to all the time. It was obvious they were in some sort of weird non-relationship relationship but he promised she was just a friend, "like a sister." She'd get jealous when he spoke to me, he'd get funny about her getting back with her boyfriend. I was suspicious but stupidly trusted his word despite my gut telling me not to.

They'd been sleeping together and were in some sort of weird non-relationship. I found this out 18months later, 1 week after I had his baby.

He also had another female friend. He swore they were just mates... the bitch decided she wanted him as soon as our baby was born, came round every weekend, knew I was exhausted and our relationship was struggling (babies are hard work). Long story short, they got together when my daughter was 6 months old.

Don't trust this f#cker.

Original poster
LILmam128 · 14/09/2019 18:47

I think that's the problem. She still works at the leisure centre where they both worked together and he still goes to so I can't see much distancing happening. He's also invited me and my daughter to go there tomorrow, and after telling his friend she replied with an off comment about him 'rubbing it in her face'. I'd rather not go as I would most likely confront her and I don't want to cause a scene, but also it'd be a bit uncomfortable.

Just not sure where to go from here, don't want to come accross as controlling but me and her quite clearly won't get on if she's being the way she is so I can't see it getting any better.

OP posts:
Graphista · 14/09/2019 18:56

Wtf!!

1 this "non relationship" sounds like a mess you'd be better off being nowhere near! She's jealous and possessive...and he LIKES that - if he didn't he'd have cut her off or had words with her ages ago!

2 you've only been seeing him 3 months WHY is your child remotely involved in all this? Frankly your child shouldn't even have met him yet imo

SO SO many times on here we see single mums involving their kids in their new relationships (and usually shitty ones) FAR too soon.

Dump this manipulative NOT really free man and before you get into another relationship I would strongly recommend some therapy and re-evaluating your boundaries around your child & your relationships

BumbleBeee69 · 14/09/2019 19:02

the fact he tells you what she is saying, shows her opinion matters to him above yours. Ditch his weak ass. Flowers

PicsInRed · 14/09/2019 19:11

Ah, the man with all the women fighting over him. 🥳

Which he had nothing to do with. 😇

And he isn't fuckin' loving it at all. 🤩

Course not. 🤔 🤨

timshelthechoice · 14/09/2019 19:14

Ditch. He enjoys the drama with him playing the ickle piggy in the middle. Classic immature mind fucker stuff. Shouldn't be involving your child in this at all at 3 months but honestly, he's more trouble than it's worth.

'You have a lot on just now and some issues to work through. Think this has all run its course for me so I need to move on. Best of luck to you in the future.'

OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole · 14/09/2019 19:40

'so long and thanks for all the fish'

Would be my next step.

Can not put up with ego massaging drama.

Original poster
LILmam128 · 14/09/2019 19:49

Yesterday he said that they were no longer speaking because she was annoyed by it but supposedly until the point where she called us 'baggage', he was unaware that she liked him. He said she came clean a few days ago but absolutely not sure how much I believe of that.

Perhaps it's better to back away!

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 14/09/2019 19:53

It so is. He is engineering this entire situation. Get out now.

ConfCall · 14/09/2019 19:57

He sounds immature tbh. I would end this, before you and DD get too attached to him.

JudgyPantsAndAMartyrBra · 14/09/2019 20:01

Sounds to me like he's messing with her feelings and is messing with yours. It almost comes across like he's getting a kick out of knowing she fancies him. Sounds like he's rubbing both your faces in it to be honest.

user1479305498 · 14/09/2019 20:17

Any guy who repeated back what someone said and used the word ‘baggage’ without rephrasing it is one big arse’!! This guy is just getting a buzz that 2 women are after him, leave him to it OP. A nice guy would have cut her out totally if she is playing these kind of games and he was very into you

SparklyMagpie · 14/09/2019 20:21

He is well and truly aware of the situation I'll tell you that now

But what the hell are you doing having him involved with your child this early?!?! You're setting and opening yourself up !

Ridiculous

SparklyMagpie · 14/09/2019 20:23

Oh and she is NOT your problem here, he is. He knows exactly what hes doing.

PlaceYourItemInTheBaggingArea · 14/09/2019 20:51

I'm pretty sure you would hear a different story from her, my money goes on total and utter exaggeration of a throw away comment she has made. The waft of bullshit is hanging around her sudden, and nicely timed declaration of love.

Ask him how he feels about her, but remember, he doth protest too much!

Far too much drama, get rid.

Grumpelstilskin · 14/09/2019 21:07

That dude is the only one with excess baggage!

YesSheCan · 14/09/2019 21:15

Hmm, agree with others - he is the problem. He may have been stringing this woman along for ages before you got involved with him. Sounds like he's playing games to me.

DeeCeeCherry · 14/09/2019 22:40

He talks about her a lot doesn't he? Then again he'll be talking about you to her too. Boring.

He likely wants you to end up in her position - A silly woman so desperate for 1 man in this world that she'll hang around aiming to get close even though he has a girlfriend.

MsDogLady · 15/09/2019 01:19

His ego must be thrilled with this nice triangle he has created. He has two adoring women, both of whom he is keeping on the back foot. Walk away from this manipulative loser.

In the future, I would not introduce your daughter to a partner until you are very sure of his character, stability and long-term place in your life. You cannot be sure of a person in 3 months or less.