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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband not coming home till morning

34 replies

Melanie1811 · 14/09/2019 07:14

Title says it all. It happens about once every 3 months unplanned (he suppose to go for drinks and come home in the morning. I’m not happy about it and I voiced it many time. How do you deal with that? Is it normal? We also have a toddler together

OP posts:
inboxmayhem · 14/09/2019 07:20

No it's not normal. Would you do it? How would he feel if you did that?

No respect for you. What a great example he is to your young child.

Mucky1 · 14/09/2019 07:23

I do this now and again as does my husband. We both trust each other nothing untoward is happening so why would be bother. Have you really never had a night out that lasted till 6-7am? Why don't you like him doing it? If it's because you feel he's up to no good I totally understand but if he's just having fun with friends, it doesn't happen every week why bother.

SomeonesRealName · 14/09/2019 07:30

If he's not abusive in other ways, read him the riot act and tell him it's time to get his act together, it's not acceptable to act so selfishly. Oh and don't rule out OW when my ex did this he was seeing OW overnight.

SomeonesRealName · 14/09/2019 07:32

Mucly1 both you and your OH stay out all night unplanned even though it upsets the other one and they've said many times they don't like it?

Original poster
Melanie1811 · 14/09/2019 07:35

We had some issues 2 years back when he was spending all nights (till about 3am) with a guy friend who lives down the road. And once he was talking and said by accident the guy is actually a women. I got so upset but he said they never slept together Hmm. But I can’t trust him much - I’m trying but I’m always suspicious.

OP posts:
SomeonesRealName · 14/09/2019 07:38

What's he like the rest of the time?

NewStart571 · 14/09/2019 07:40

He sounds awful. You don’t trust him and it’s making you feel unhappy.

SignedUpJust4This · 14/09/2019 07:41

Where does he say he is?

flumpybear · 14/09/2019 07:42

Does Ho go out other times too just every 3 months stays out unexpectedly?

flumpybear · 14/09/2019 07:43

Have you tried looking at his phone to see where he's been (not sure how to do it but others will know I'm sure)

Original poster
Melanie1811 · 14/09/2019 07:45

He goes out once a week but usually come home before midnight. We live in London so he usually says he was in pub and then night buses home...(night bus can sometimes take two hours from central)

OP posts:
Original poster
Melanie1811 · 14/09/2019 07:46

His phone has a password. Sometimes I look over his shoulder but never seen anything suspicious

OP posts:
NabooThatsWho · 14/09/2019 07:48

Ok after your latest post....you can’t trust him at all really can you?
How does he treat you apart from this?

yearinyearout · 14/09/2019 07:49

I'd be interested to know where he's staying until that time, how does he explain it? I wouldn't be staying out all night and I wouldn't expect my DH to do so either, unless it was for a specific event that was pre arranged. Is he staying up partying all night (in which case he could be going on a drugs bender) or is he staying over at someone's house following a night out (do you trust him not to be having one night stands?)

SomeonesRealName · 14/09/2019 07:50

Do you work? How do you manage household money? Does he do housework? Childcare?

ISmellBabies · 14/09/2019 07:53

He's obviously shagging someone else. Again. Sorry op, you don't have to put up with it just because you haven't got proof.

Original poster
Melanie1811 · 14/09/2019 07:54

He is a an ok husband I guess. We have lot of sex. He cleans and cooks, takes care of his son. The only negative is the time we spend together - it’s not much. We work different shifts. We do Split bills in half - separate money. He says when he goes out that he sleeps at friends house because it was closer than going to ours Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Melanie1811 · 14/09/2019 07:57

He is a very bad when it comes to communication - he is very quiet person. He doesn’t say much after he comes home and I get very short half answers when I question him and I feel like a police. He is the same with every day life and normal questions about anything

OP posts:
lastminutelarry · 14/09/2019 07:59

Sorry but why is he obviously shagging someone else? Is it not a possibility that he is out with his mates until 3/4am (shock horror) going to a kebab then getting bus home?

lastminutelarry · 14/09/2019 08:01

Going for a kebab, not to a kebab Hmm

Mucky1 · 14/09/2019 08:01

We don't lan to stay out the night just evolves and end up that way. It doesn't upset either of us. Why would it? I want my husband to have fun with his friends and he for me. Why would we want to curtail each other's enjoyment and cut the fun early for no reason.

bluejelly · 14/09/2019 08:01

Sorry OP I would be v suspicious Thanks

ShimmeryShiny · 14/09/2019 08:04

ucky1

I do this now and again as does my husband. We both trust each other nothing untoward is happening so why would be bother. Have you really never had a night out that lasted till 6-7am?

Err yeah when your young and single not married with a toddler .

Juells · 14/09/2019 08:07

he was spending all nights (till about 3am) with a guy friend who lives down the road. And once he was talking and said by accident the guy is actually a women. I got so upset but he said they never slept together

The good old friend who lives down the road... Hmm

lastminutelarry · 14/09/2019 08:10

Why do you have to be young and single to stay out till the early hours?