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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband not coming home till morning

34 replies

Melanie1811 · 14/09/2019 07:14

Title says it all. It happens about once every 3 months unplanned (he suppose to go for drinks and come home in the morning. I’m not happy about it and I voiced it many time. How do you deal with that? Is it normal? We also have a toddler together

OP posts:
NoProblem123 · 14/09/2019 08:18

Book a babysitter. Dress up. Join them.

Then you’ll know.

Original poster
Melanie1811 · 14/09/2019 08:20

I struggle with social anxiety ....been wanting to do that but the anxiety is stronger Sad. Picture of me in a group of construction workers my husbands works with is super scary to meSad

OP posts:
sleepynewmumxo · 14/09/2019 08:22

I have two perspectives. I used to have benders, stay out all night and rock home at 6/7am. I had no responsibilities, I was with my husband (but we we're not married at that point) but I was not doing anything untoward, and I always kept him up to date so he didn't worry I was you know, dead or something.

How and ever. My husband used to do this maybe once a year, he would go out for a couple Pints, and it would turn into a bender, he would go MIA until the next morning, we have kids now, I don't do that shit now. Turns out, one time when he did it, he drunkly tried it on with his pal at her flat. It's only all come out now, so we are currently at that "repair the shit he did" stage of our relationship. It's sucks.

So, personally, if your gut is telling you something is up, trust her. She's not stupid.

ShimmeryShiny · 14/09/2019 08:25

@lastminutelarry early hours maybe but 6/7am? I would be pissed off if my husband did that when you've got a young child.
Mind you I am the sort of person who needs my sleep and bed by midnight at the latest lol

BalthazarImpresario · 14/09/2019 08:33

With one set of friends I regularly don't get in until 5am, we forget the time, get pretty drunk etc. My dp doesn't notice but our eldest can track me so they know where I am.
The issue is here you don't trust him, seemingly from the 'friend down the road' stage, he needs to hear how you've experienced it even if he doesn't agree /nothing happened.

lastminutelarry · 14/09/2019 08:41

I don't go out very often these days but when we do we tend to be in a pub/club till early hours. You forget the time when you are out having fun, dancing, drinking, catching up on all the gossip.
Then when we decide to leave, it's getting everyone together, toilet trip, cloakroom trip, some then want food, some want fags etc. Then getting taxi's, buses, waiting for lifts can take ages and before you know it it's 5/6am when you are walking in house! As long as I don't wake my H and kids, he doesn't mind.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/09/2019 08:45

"He cleans and cooks, takes care of his son"

Your baseline for a good husband and father is really and truly so very low here (this is the barest of bare minimums really) and that low standard applies across the whole of your relationship.

Trust once eroded is nigh on impossible to get back and I would also think that if you were doing all this, he would not be half as forgiving as you have been.

Why are you and he together now; is it because of your son?.

SomeonesRealName · 14/09/2019 08:56

Atilla in fairness, I asked those questions and OP was just answering them.

SomeonesRealName · 14/09/2019 08:57

Agree with the rest though.

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