Pregnant and don’t know how to tell DH.

[helphelphelp6]

I have just found out I’m pregnant with what would be DC5. It is obviously unplanned, I have had the copper coil since DC4 was three months old. He is now ten and a half months old, still breastfed and I had a c-section so they advised no pregnancy for at least a year. Our other DC are all in KS2 so not tiny but still fairly young. All four of them were very much planned so I’ve never found myself in this situation before and I just don’t know how to tell my DH or how he will react. I only took a test on a whim because I had a couple of odd symptoms, I thought it was in my head but the positive came up straight away. At a guess I’m no more than 4 weeks, it’s hard to tell but I had heavy period style bleeding from the 9th-13th of August.

We said DC4 would be our last. We have a five bedroom home and our seven seater needs one back seat folding down to accommodate the pram and any bags iykwim. We don’t really have space for a fifth and I have only just returned to work PT from mat leave. I agreed to go back PT for one year because I didn’t want to leave baby DS with childminder FT just yet. I teach so my job can be fairly full on times, DH works FT and his job can be stressful too. We have a lot on our plates and were fairly happy bumbling along really, this is a huge curveball.

I’m mumbling and on a tangent because I’m in shock and a little scared. I don’t really want to broach the subject with my two closest friends because one is struggling to conceive and the other had a late miscarriage earlier in the year. I feel this may trigger them in some way hence me asking on here.

I have been frantically googling BPAS and terminations all morning. I think I would need to opt for surgical because the pills failed after a missed miscarriage a couple of years ago and I ended up haemorrhaging and going into shock. I’m so frightened, I honestly don’t know what to do.

Don't worry OP.

It's a big shock but you were on a reliable long term contraceptive method. Nothing is 100%.

It's not like you're one of these women who says they're on the pill but then when they get the runs doesnt use an alternative, or misses pills here and there and then says "oh it was such a surprise" (like the millions of threads on MN with surprise babies on the pill)

DH may be shocked and that's a normal human reaction. Then you talk to him. Tell him the facts, that you both agreed 4 was enough, that you feel this contraceptive failure has led to a pregnancy that your gut instinct is to terminate. Then let him think and talk.
Ultimately the decision rests with you but I think if your DH is a decent guy then the conversation is probably more nerve wracking in your head than in reality

Really difficult situation, hope you DH handles it really well.

In the nicest possible way my darling, how is this your problem?
You both contributed to this situation. Don’t accept any nonsense from your other half. If you’re frightened of his reaction you have much bigger issues than an unplanned pregnancy..💕

hope
There's frightened as in genuinely scared and frightened as in nervous because thie is going to be a bolt out of the blue for him and people are shocked in different ways.

I think announcing an unplanned pregnancy in a relationship that had had careful family planning, planned pregnancies and long term contraception would be a bit nerve wracking for anyone because it's such a big thig

You've had lots of support already, just wanted to add that I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation despite taking responsibility for contraception, and I really hope that your DH will get a vasectomy as he should have done before.

Good luck discussing it with him and with your next steps.

Whatever you decide together I wish you luck.

When I found out I was pregnant with DC4, I didn't tell DH for 2 weeks. I don't see an issue in getting your own head round something before sharing it, but I can see that with your coil situation, you need to tell him - especially in case something happens. I hope you can work through it side by side

I hope you’re ok op xx

I think you've misunderstood but if you RTWT you'll see that OP isn't scared of her DH, HopeIsNotAStrategy. It's more that she's already totally freaked out by this news and is bracing herself for him being similarly affected.

Even if breaking the news goes really well there are likely to be tears and angst, and it's this that OP dreads. It's not going to be an easy conversation. Tbh, if he'd sorted out the vasectomy they'd agreed then OP wouldn't be pregnant at all, but I'm guessing OP won't use that as an opening gambit. It's sad for both of them, though of course although this is a joint problem the final decision is hers.