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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH just threw food at the wall in temper

38 replies

CatsPajamaz · 12/09/2019 20:18

It's DS's birthday today. DH is struggling with depression but has good and bad days. We were just sitting down for our party tea. DS was excited and running around, DD was whinging and it was all generally a bit chaotic. DH was telling DD to stop and told DS to sit down etc, went to sit on the chair and the dog had snuck onto it while he wasn't looking so he partially sat in the dog ( the dog is fine btw). DH then leaps up, grabs a handful of the crisis in front of him and launches them up the wall, shouting, and storms off! The children were crying that the party had been ruined but were distracted with cake (they are only 4 and 5).

I've never heard him raise his voice in the 10 years we've been together! I'm so shocked

He came back about 10 minutes later and we carried on. Now the DC are in bed I'm going to tell him that it cannot happen again, ever! I'm just can't believe it happened!

Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 12/09/2019 20:19

That's disgusting behaviour. He needs to control himself.

Original poster
CatsPajamaz · 12/09/2019 20:19

Crisps!!! Not crisis!!

OP posts:
Bapman · 12/09/2019 20:21

That’s terrible behaviour.

Sarahlou63 · 12/09/2019 20:22

One momentary loss of control in 10 years? Have a conversation when you're both calm.

miagerbies · 12/09/2019 20:23

Sounds like he's on the edge. He needs to get some help. I'd be sending him to his GP

PickAChew · 12/09/2019 20:23

Did he not even apologise?

Soontobe60 · 12/09/2019 20:23

Sit down with him and ask him how he's feeling.

chardonm · 12/09/2019 20:24

One time in 10 years?! Suggest you calm down and speak with him gently.

Theyellowsquare · 12/09/2019 20:24

First time in 10 years, he must be really struggling at the moment. Maybe a trip to the doctor rather than an argument Flowers

Mum2jenny · 12/09/2019 20:25

Totally unacceptable behaviour from an adult. He needs to consider how his responses affect others. And if he can’t, I’d be considering moving away from his sphere of influence.

LizzieSiddal · 12/09/2019 20:27

If this behaviour is out of character, I’d be very worried about his mental health. He needs to see a Dr ASAP.

CupoTeap · 12/09/2019 20:29

He MUST go to the docs tomorrow- this is a warning he cannot manage by himself and has to get hep now.

Original poster
CatsPajamaz · 12/09/2019 20:30

We have been to the GP and he has been prescribed ADs but he won't take them. He says they make him feel flat and exhausted all the time.

He's never done anything like this before. I'm just worried in case it happens again. Things are mad at the moment but that's just life, surely? I've taken as much pressure off as I possibly can but he is still struggling.

I don't really know what to do...

OP posts:
Span1elsRock · 12/09/2019 20:32

That's really shitty behaviour, let alone on a birthday.

Sorry but I'd be reading the riot act. Depression does not entitle you to behave like a dick in front of your kids.

FuckFacePlatapus · 12/09/2019 20:33

Perhaps the whole tea party for his Birthday set him off when all he wants is peace and quiet. Not good behaviour but understandable if he is struggling to join in because of his depression.

Everythingmagnolia · 12/09/2019 20:34

I did a similar thing years ago, it all got too much and I threw my laptop at the wall.

I was suffering with severe depression.

Please encourage your DH to see a doctor.

Wolfiefan · 12/09/2019 20:36

If he’s been prescribed medication then he needs to take them. It can take a few weeks for them to work. If he’s not happy on them after that he can ask to switch them.
Depression or not he can’t behave like this. Poor kids.

tava63 · 12/09/2019 20:36

Primal stress response manifests in a number of ways - fight, flight, freeze. His body went into 'fight' - a massive rush of stress hormones, the good thing he to control himself was that he removed himself from the situation - though not in a great way 'storming' off. He may today be suffering from anxiety as well as depression. As chadonm suggested speak to him about it. It was horrible for you and kids but it was also horrible for him because he responded to the stress he was feeling in a bad way - it may just be once off. A positive way to respond now it to 'tend' and 'befriend'. Tend to himself - reflect on what happened and think how he can take care of himself, and Befriend by talking to you about what happened.

Soubriquet · 12/09/2019 20:37

He needs to take his medication!

If he won’t take them he needs to back to the doctors

WhatTiggersDoBest · 12/09/2019 20:39

He needs to go back to the doctor and explain his issue with his meds and ask to be changed to something else. There are so many different antidepressants and he is likely to find a different one (or different dosage) that he gets on with better but until he goes back to the GP he will not get any better.

pog100 · 12/09/2019 20:39

He lost his temper in a difficult situation. It's not the end of the world. People do that even fathers do that. I don't think it's overly damaging for kids as long as he apologizes and it's not a regular occurrence so they are afraid.

RLOU30 · 12/09/2019 20:39

It’s “just life” when you have good MH. When your in a fog of depression it’s unbearable and this may be a sign he isn’t coping.

Bourbonbiccy · 12/09/2019 21:02

I have to agree with pog100 and I do think it shows he is struggling. Is there another way to help him rather than the AD (if they make him feel exhausted), maybe counselling and if not maybe he just needs to try sticking with the tablets.

Myriade · 12/09/2019 21:07

If he haas been prescribe AD and they don’t work for him, he needs to go back and have them changed.

Once in 10 years doesn’t warrant a chat liike the one you are planning but rather. A gentle discussion

HeadintheiClouds · 12/09/2019 21:11

Not great that he lost it, of course, but honestly - did the children really claim their party had been “ruined”? After one of them contributed to the tension by whingeing their way through it?!

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