Partner Makes Me Feel Guilty For Not Having Sex

[Namechanger248]

Namechanged as this is a bit embarrassing.

We are early 40s and have been together for 4 years.

My partner gets angry and sulky and complains because he doesn’t think we have sex enough. I’m starting to find him quite unattractive because of this. He gropes my boobs as well (in private not public). There is no intimacy because he always expects it to lead to sex, I’m really starting to find him less and less unattractive.

He says it’s because I’m early 40s so am about to go through menopause. I still masturbate when he’s not around though.

He says things like you’ve put on a bit of weight haven’t you and oh do you think you’ll be able to keep up with the others if you go to that fitness class. I find this belittling.

Starting to get a bit down about it and can’t really be bothered with him at the moment.

He sounds lovely! This is unacceptable behaviour OP and you know it. You need to tell him it's unacceptable and how you feel.

Well done you for going to a fitness class. I always intend to go...

This sounds like the sort of behaviour which could completely spiral. Talk to him and if he doesn’t stop then you need to find someone who treats you properly.

Please ditch him, he's a massive abusive twat.

Why are you even with him? Do you think he's the best you can get? I certainly hope not because he is shit. Dump and move on.

So basically he wants you to feel like shit.
There's no other reason to say things like that to someone other than to smash their self esteem.

You know it's abusive right? It might be more subtle than some abusers but its abuse none the less.

If you stay with this Pillock you'll end up in a pit of despair you cannot free yourself from. It doesn't get better unless you get free.

The relationship's run its course. End it now rather than letting it drag on for years, flogging a dead horse. Whatever good qualities he has are being overshadowed by all the bad ones that never get noticed in the early days, or that get masked for a time.
You're worth much more than this.

Sex is never just about sex. It’s a marker for the health of the whole relationship.
Of course you don’t fancy sex with this entitled, abusive, critical, groping, unloving and unlovable shit of a man! Who would?
The fact that you still enjoy masturbation shows that there’s nothing wrong with your sex drive.
You still want sex - you just don’t want it with him. I don’t blame you.
Time to assess your marriage. Do you want to stay with this charming man? If not, is there anything he could do to salvage things and win you back? Sit down and spell out to him exactly what you think of him, his behaviour and your relationship.
Then the two of you need to decide whether you attempt reconciliation or divorce. Good luck!

Less attractive or more & more unattractive. He sounds delightful! And if you’re early 40s you could be another decade off menopause!

I can understand why you don't want to shag an angry sulky groapy man who insults you and puts you down.

Life is too short. Bin him.

Yep, sorry about the typo.

Finding myself avoiding him and will probably end up arguing at some point. I saw yeterday’s “blue balls” thread. Although it has been taken down as it might have been a piss take. I read that and felt a lot like the female on the receiving end of that.

Can anyone direct me to any online resources that I can get him to read?

What is your living situation?

Send him to
Www.youredumped.com

(Not a real link)
Ltb though

He soinds horrible.

He sounds grim.
Yuk!

Time to move on OP.

Dont bother trying to get him to read anything. He doesnt care how you feel! He is attempting to manipulate you in to having sex you dont want by virtually goading you, saying, "you are about to go in to menopause". So, you are supposed to want to prove that that is not true ....by having sex without intimacy. Goading you, manipulating, you and sulking is so unattrative.

We live together in a house I own and we have 1 daughter together.

Probably you that would benefit on reading up on some things. You can't change his disrespect for you but you can change yourself and stop tolerating it.

You own the house. Kick his arse out of it.

As you're not married and you own the house, you can chuck him out. He's an irredeemable knob.

I’d have to be prepared for a lot more sulking if I kicked him out.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NO NO NO NO NO NO

I cannot stress how wrong this is!! This is one small step away from co-ercion OP! Trust me, voice of experience.

First, he'll complain that you say no.
Then he'll sulk.
Then he'll belittle you.
Then he'll mention it in front of your friends.
Then he'll try and buy things in exchange for it.

And eventually you'll be so fucking pissed off of fighting the same fight that you just let him. And then he'll get pissed off that you're not enjoying it. So the you have to fake enjoying it just for some peace and quiet.

Please, please, please make it very fucking clear to him... if he sulks again, you are leaving. If he is that unhappy, he can fucking leave.

I'm so sorry he's doing this to you. It's fucking awful.

Sorry you may both own a house but that means nothing, lots split up and get stuff sorted out. Do you really want your daughter to be hearing what he is saying, how he is treating her mother , and she will pick up On it

He’s just not worth it

Kick him out. He’s a manipulator.

Vile man