Partner Makes Me Feel Guilty For Not Having Sex

[Namechanger248]

Namechanged as this is a bit embarrassing.

We are early 40s and have been together for 4 years.

My partner gets angry and sulky and complains because he doesn’t think we have sex enough. I’m starting to find him quite unattractive because of this. He gropes my boobs as well (in private not public). There is no intimacy because he always expects it to lead to sex, I’m really starting to find him less and less unattractive.

He says it’s because I’m early 40s so am about to go through menopause. I still masturbate when he’s not around though.

He says things like you’ve put on a bit of weight haven’t you and oh do you think you’ll be able to keep up with the others if you go to that fitness class. I find this belittling.

Starting to get a bit down about it and can’t really be bothered with him at the moment.

I’d have to be prepared for a lot more sulking if I kicked him out.

No you wouldn't, because he'll be gone. You will have to speak to him about your child, but that's it.

What Babdoc said.

He can read about how now, in Scotland (and hopefully soon in the rest of the UK), sexual coercion is considered domestic violence and domestic violence is a crime.

He can read about how negging someone is a form of emotional abuse.

You can read about the Freedom Programme and how dumping your abusive, coercive, emotionally derogatory shit of a man can give you a new lease on life.

So what if he sulks, he can do it elsewhere once you kick him out.

REALLY hope you don't have other children who are being subjected to this man's undesirable presence.

@timshelthechoice

Great post.

I wonder if he does have the potential to be an abuser but I have the upper hand financially.

It’s just the one daughter she is almost 3.

This relationship should now be at an end if it is not already. Its over anyway bar the shouting.

What are you getting out of this relationship?.

What do you want to teach your child about relationships and what is she learning here?.

Would you want a future partner of your DDs to say to her what her dad says to you?. No you would not. Its not a good enough relationship for you either. DO not stay with such a man because of your child; doing that is basically staying for your own sake rather than hers.

You own the property; kick his arse out of it. He will find somewhere to go. The sulking as well from him is a further example of emotional abuse. Enrol yourself also onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid; this will help you going forward because men like this take time, years even, to recover from. Your own recovery from him will only start when you have completely separated yourself from him.

He is already abusing you OP; of that I have no doubt whatsoever. Abuse is not only physical in nature and it is always about power and control. This outwardly charming person wants absolute over you and will happily put you down as he has done to keep you in the hole he has dug for you.