Male friends - am I being naive or is DH being unreasonable?

[ABitCheesedOff]

I met someone through work a while back who is divorced with 2 children of similar ages to mine who, like me, is also alone a lot at weekends (my DH works long hours and often at weekends). We arranged to meet up for a picnic one Sunday, had a nice time, kids enjoyed themselves, saved us spending yet another weekend bored at home. Told DH about it (before and after) and he was annoyed because this someone is a single Dad. He?s in a new relationship and knows I?m happily married. I don?t fancy him, nor does he fancy me, we are just two parents who are after a bit of company for ourselves and our children on an otherwise dull weekend. At least that?s how I see it. DH hasn?t met him and is highly suspicious of his motives.

I don?t want to stop being friends with him (which is what DH would like), but nor do I want to get into a major row about this. Is my DH right to be so jealous? He says it?s not me he doesn?t trust but my friend.

Am I justified in feeling cheesed off do you think? Is he being as unreasonable as I think he is?

If it were me, I would invite your male friend and his new girlfriend around for a meal with you and your dh so that everyone gets to know each other.

I have a SAHD friend, whose son is a school friend of my son. Sometimes both families get together for a BBQ at home or lunch out at somewhere like Wagamamas. Sometimes just the SAHPs (i.e. me and him) take the children somewhere like the dreaded soft play, sometimes we have coffee together after the school run. We are both happily married and I am sure that neither of out spouses have a problem with us meeting up.

But then I spent years working in a very male environment and there was absolutely no way I would have had the time or energy to have been shagging every man I worked/had lunch/had coffee/went on a business trip with

Oh for heaven's sake. Does it matter even if you did fancy each other a bit? Are adults of compatible sexualities not to be trusted to spend any time together in case they find themselves submitting to a sexual frenzy? For all your DH knows, half your female friends might fancy you too. Arggggh.

moving a tree

oops wrong thread

It would be better if you were all friends together. DW as a teacher often meets up with other parents in the summer holidays while I work, and some of them are dads, but they are usually DHs of her friends so we all know each other. The "what would you do if the boot was on the other foot?" question is a good one!

Never got the "wedding ring is an attraction for some" thing. I mean, why?? There are plenty of shag-happy singles out there fizzing with hormones.

"For all your DH knows, half your female friends might fancy you too. Arggggh."

Trust me. This will have crossed his mind. Often.

(Don't think there are, UD. You only think that from the perspective of being unmarried. When I was single, there seemed to be a positive famine of suitable blokes. Maybe it's different Up North.)

Well quite, MotherInferior.

oooh sorry I didn't get the chaperone bit as ironic .
well said MI, I think this is the root of lots of problems in relationships tbh, the idea that modern marriage should be completely exclusive of all other thoughts and parties and that friendships or interest in the opposite sex is completely out of bounds and inappropriate. it is just unrealistic isn't it? for the whole of your married life?
well not for me of course, since I only ever see married women and gay men, but in theory it could be an issue.

It's rather insulting that your dh thinks you will leap onto the nearest unattached (or even attached) bloke without a by-your-leave. Doesn't say much for his attitude, really. How would he feel if you started kicking up a fuss about his female colleagues?

Never got the "wedding ring is an attraction for some" thing. I mean, why??

well, imo:
a bit of a challenge
probably house trained
goes home at night and doesn't require commitment or demand too much.

I expect

I slightly yearn for a flirtatious friendship to cheer up my life.

I used to assume men who tried to chat me up just hadn't seen the wedding ring. Then a male friend told me the truth... men always check, it appears. Harpsi's point one and three were cited.

If the single dad in a new relationship and you are in a happy married relationship whats wrong with letting the kids play together?

If HE was a SHE none of this would be a problem for DH.

Or would he resent you spending time with ANYONE of EITHER gender at the weekend? {hmm}

prsumably the single dad might not be so avialable, what with his new relationship,
or is he going to bring her too?

Harpsi: just wanted to send you a suportive and Well Said That WOman sort of gesture :-)

Friend's new relationship is a long-distance one so she is unlikely to be available for a meet-my-other-half sort of thing, unfortunately.

If he was a she there would be no problem. Just to clarify though, my DH isn't some kind of control nut, he's a lovely, gentle sort of guy who gets a bit unnecessarily protective. I had intended to talk this evening, but he came in from work so dead on his feet that I didn't think it wise.

Yes, not a good time to say "I've been talking about your unreasonable jealousy with my friends on the internet an they said.." Actually, I wouldn't mention singls dad's new relationship is long-distance, sounds a bit uncommitted. Well, I would mention it really but... Oh, I can see all sides here. Am definitely in the When Harry Met Sally club here on platonic relationships though.