Women who tear other women down, why?

[Itsmostlygristlecath]

Can anyone give me any insight? A co worker tears down everything about me and everyone else (mainly other women) my hair, my teeth, my diet, my looks. All she talks about is what people look like, she seems to hate other women. Anyone ever been like this, is it insecurity? She bigs herself up all the time but can’t really be happy? It’s so draining.

Shes a sad bitch. End of

It´s insecurity. There's not much you can do about it as the problem lies with her and not with you. Just try to avoid contact as much as possible.

She comments on everything, never met anyone like it. Peoples legs, dresses, shoes, everything looks awful apparently. Makes me want to scream and I can’t get away from her due to work environment.

that's appalling, but making personal comments at work should warrant a complaint surely?

She only says it to me and 2 other bully types. I always stick up for them or say I don’t care but she just keeps on. I’ve met negative people but I’ve never met anyone that seemed to hate other women like this.

Next time she says something like " urgh look at her shoes" say "I have those shoes" even if you don't lol!

Maybe her childhood consisted of her always being put down and is therefore mirroring that behaviour? 🤷‍♀️

Haha good one!

My standard answer to this (when I can’t ignore the person)is ‘I don’t police other women’s bodies, looks or clothes’ repeat as necessary & refuse to engage.

Yeah I get there must be more to it. Just venting I suppose, it’s driving me mad. I feel like a racehorse being checked out and all my ‘flaws’ being pointed out. I hate it.

" I feel like a racehorse being checked out and all my ‘flaws’ being pointed out. I hate it."

I would "point out" all of this to HR or your manager, however it's meant to work. I don't care what her issues are, she is being rude to you at work.

Its not a man or a woman thing, its a personality disorder thing. There are plenty of narcissistic women out there and yours sounds like a prime candidate. We shouldn't generalises and say 'women tare other women down' because it normalises it and encouages workplaces take it as a normal 'tit for tat' thing, when in actual fact they have hired a bully.

It's almost definitely insecurities on her part. Happy, confident women don't do this. You should pity her really.

My DM is like this. She's not judging or criticising apparently, just 'noticing'.

There are a few reasons.
She feels obliged to work really hard at getting herself to a 'presentable' standard and resents anyone who doesn't- in fact she thinks they must be incredibly vain to feel they are alright as they are.
She's not that taken with the idea that other people matter that much. They are bit part players in her drama.
My grandma had a similar tendency- not particularly nasty, but very thoughtless. 'Haven't you got short arms, oh you've got the (maiden name) big bottom gene' etc.

Yeah sorry for the title, good point pinkbonbon

I would have a look at your company’s HR policy or the generic one on ACAS website.

I would log everything retrospectively especially where there are witnesses. Then I would log a complaint with HR.

You have already taken the first steps in any policy, which is to respond to her directly and your have intervened repeatedly when she has bullied others.

Don’t let her or others know what you are doing as she is likely to race to HR before you do.

She may already be on a warning. I was in this situation once. Took too long to take action and when I did it was revealed that she has numerous complaints against her already - and she was sacked.

Yeah it is sad really. I feel like shaking her and saying just get on with life, but I don’t know if she is going through anything. I just don’t give a shot about people’s legs and noses, I don’t even notice but I feel nervous around her now about what will be pointed out next and I never used to feel like this.

Who cares why she does it. It's abusive/harassment. Make a complain to HR or whomever you make a complaint to.

She does it again, tell her "your comments are offensive, so stop"

I’d be crude as fuck the next time she criticised me.

Her “That lipstick doesn’t suit you at all”

You “Funny, my husband loves looking at this colour, especially when my mouth is wrapped around his cock”

She will never say anything like it again.

OP as you've not responded to anyone posting about reporting to management, you clearly don't want to.

I'm curious why you don't want to but of course you won't want to answer that either - fair enough, it's your choice.

I would say don't say anything to her direct - she will twist it so you get into trouble.

pickle yes I know some people are so outraged by others not "making an effort" but in a workplace the reasons just don't matter - it's outright bullying and harassment. Tbh I wouldn't mix with anyone that judgey in my social life either.

"Funny, my husband loves looking at this colour, especially when my mouth is wrapped around his cock”

Better yet, say "your husband".

I’m scared to report because of things she’s said to me about her past behaviour.

You “Funny, my husband loves looking at this colour, especially when my mouth is wrapped around his cock”

Hmm then if op does make a complaint about her, she'll have that to come back with " op makes crude, inappropriate for work etc vulgar sexual remarks". Best to give her nothing. She doesn't sound the type to sweetly roll over if reported/ challenged.

Cross posted - yeah sounds like she should be handled v carefully - don't give her anything on you.

Sounds like she has some kind of personality disorder - these fkg people make the workplace so shit for normal people.

I would ignore her/not respond at all - would drive her batty. Or at most say "do you ever have anything positive to say about anyone,ever?"