Tick chart on fridge for DP too far?

[Nancyjuice7]

For some background we both work full time in stressful jobs in different sectors, mine is emotionally demanding and his physically/mentally, we both manage teams.
At home this just goes all out the window, he's lazy about housework and it's driving me insane. I do probably 70%, he does his own washing etc but everything else I mostly do. We recently got a dishwasher and pot washing was his job, but now that's arrived it's like he's lost a job but not offered to do any of mine. So here's the list I'm planning to write up at work and print off and stick on the fridge, we'll tick off tasks when done. Purely because I want to show him how much I do, and how little he does. Is this unfair / immature to do??

JOB |. NAME | NAME

• emptying bins and clean bin bag in (yes I have to state the second part)
• put out wheelie bins
• bring in wheelie bins
• pick up dog shite from garden
• wipe sides down
• make bed
• empty dish washer
• load dishwasher
• feed dog
• make dogs meal prep
• give dog medication morning
• give dog medication evening
• fresh water bowl
• walk dog
• bleach toilets
• cook tea
• make cups of tea
• food shop
• hoover downstairs

Currently he does : wipe sides and takes the dog out once a week, probably makes me three a cup of tea a week for me if I'm being kind.

Is there anything I've missed and please tell me if I'm being a belittling cow for printing this off??

If I was treated like a child from my partner, I wouldn't be happy. Just tell him that it needs to be more 50/50 and don't do his jobs for him

Is this list for your DP or child? I'd be fuming if my DP did a tick list like this for me.

You can not change someone like this. The solution is to stop doing everything for a while and let him see how much you do. Then when he says something explain he either starts helping or helps pay towards a cleaner.

I don't think a tick list, but having a list of daily, weekly, mon

...monthly, annual jobs might help show how much is involved with keeping a house running smoothly.

I think you'd be better off telling him that the jobs around the house need to be split more evenly and ask him to join you in listing what needs to be done so you can agree a better allocation. If you simply present him with a list you have automatically taken on the role of managing how things get done- so if something unexpected needs to be done he has the excuse that 'well it wasn't on the list', even if he should be able to see that it needed doing as easily as you could. As you both manage teams I'm sure you'll both be able to see that that in itself is a job.

If he can't understand how much time it takes to do 'your' jobs, ask him to swap for a week (or perhaps suggest you alternate anyway). He really needs to be involved in the thought process of what needs to be done, how long it will take and how it will happen- otherwise you are just handing out little chores for him like a child.

I had a list like this when my kids were growing up and I needed more help around the house when I went back to work. All 5 of us were on the rota (3 kids 2 adults) and it worked brilliantly.

Sorry been at work today - haven't we all.

So I haven't wrote the list out just yet, been speaking to my colleagues to get a general consensus.
The cup of tea thing, we drink 4-5 cups a night, so yes it looks petty but that's a lot of faffing about in a week.

Tonight an hour after dinner he wiped the sides and unloaded / loaded dishwasher.
He didn't take the bins out and It just feels so petty to comment on it but i don't think he's emptied a bin in weeks.

His mother is another storey, she means well and is a lovely woman but I can't help but wish she'd done less for him.
I also think a lot of his friends partners/wives don't work and therefore do "everything". I think my DP feels hard done to for chipping in but clearly dosnt feel bad when we've got a better lifestyle with my paypacket. It's a hard one

If you both have top jobs get a cleaner.

You could point out that it is more than his mates do as their wives don’t work. So one option is he funds everything, you do 90% of the household stuff and keep your whole pay packet for pin money, except a token contribution eg the equivalent of 3 hours a week of taking in ironing.

I think the list done this way is demeaning and likely to backfire.

Instead I would do the lists differently. Do a daily task list, weekly and monthly. Include the things in the big clean you do each week (hoovering wasn't on your list anywhere? Or changing sheets, washing towels?)

Then sit down together and do it as a conversation. Which of these are you going to do, and which am I going to do? You could include a time next to each task (10 minutes or 1 hour) and you can break down some tasks, eg cooking, break down to meal planning, shopping, cooking etc.

This, to me, is a joint plan to work out how to solve the problem, rather than a test where you point out how bad he is at the end of the week.
You the review it after a few weeks