Signs of a “manchild”

[Mum2Girls90]

As the title says really.
I hate labels for people... but I’d spend a long time listing things otherwise to explain what I’m asking lol!

So what is your experience of being with a man that takes no responsibility, financially unstable, does bare minimum, always moaning, not much interaction with the kids, not grateful for family life etc ... all friends are low life’s who do drugs.

Do they change? Do they grow up?
I left my Dp 8 weeks ago, I guess I just need that slap in the face when I start playing with doubt. Listed above were my own experience of being with him.

No generally they don't change. How old is he?
I always think if having kids doesn't change a man into being more responsible, then nothing will.

They don't change. It's how they have been raised.

@Drogosnextwife
He’ll be 30 in January.
He gets himself in a lot of debt. Moved out and rents a caravan 🙄 rarely does a full week at work (self employed) then often complains of “no money”.
Likes cocaine binges at least once a month, if not more.
Mum regularly bails him out with money, however she hasn’t taught him much about life and responsibility.

Then no op you haven't made the wrong decision. He will always be like that.

I thought as much.
Spent a long time with him, however my life is going in a completely different direction to his “Peter pan” way of living.
Sometimes though it just creeps up on you with “what if?”

Do they change? Do they grow up?

I suppose sometimes they do - but it’s not worth waiting for. And it’s unlikely to happen as long as someone’s still around to metaphorically wipe their arse for them.

Sounds like man child is the least of your worries. Sounds like an addict with the associated debts, unreliability and druggy mates.

Well done for kicking him out. Now wipe him out of your head.
Focus your finite emotional focus and energy on your children and your shiny new future.

Keep them away from him, he will keep letting them down.

I have no experience of such men.

I initially set my relationship bar/expectation of partners based on my dear old Dad who was hard working, kind, gentle, did his share of housework and was fully involved in our lives. After going out with a few men I realised the bar was way too high and unrealistic so I lowered it but I would never have had a relationship with a man unless he was an adult and fully capable of doing his share of housework etc.

I'm always horrified when I read some of the things women put up with on here. In some cases they think they love the man-child but honestly how could they love someone who shows so little or zero love and respect back? Others cling on in desperation, no matter how bad it gets because any man is better than no man - never understood that and never will.

@silverysurfer sadly some of us have not have that type of role model in our lives. I know I didn’t. I grew up with a mum who was utterly exhausted and watched my dad abuse her every single day. However much I grew up telling myself I’d never be like it, subconsciously I have been following much of the same patterns.

I have an ideal in my head of what I want from a man, family orientated and respectful values. But when you’re in the fog it seems to take over everything.
I’m out, happy and focussed on life. But rather than let the doubt get too big, I’d prefer to post, evaluate and get some perspective 😊

@clareisland funny you say that about letting the kids down. It was our daughters first day of secondary this week & he didn’t so much as send a text wishing her luck. He was on a binge the night before, took the day off work and was asleep.
I was so disappointed. He already has a very fragile relationship with our 2 dd’s as his communication and parenting towards them is very poor. But apparently that’s my fault as I wouldn’t tolerate how he treated them, I don’t punish them, they have no respect bla bla bla.

No, they never change.

Would you want your DDs to be with someone like him when they are grown?

Pfft. Says a lot that you seem to blame his mother for not teaching him right. Like adults are incapable of learning this stuff independently 🙄

@LadyGodiva83 what do you mean by that?
I am fully aware adults are responsible for their own actions & choices. However, many of his I was able to identify with same traits as his mother. Ie the debts. His mum lives of provident loans, credit cards etc. If he’s struggling she’ll get out a loan for him, which she will then pay back on his behalf.
She doesn’t care if her children work. Out of 6 children she has, only 1 of them works and his successful. The rest of them just get by on life in debt.

@RantyAnty most definitely not. A big part of the reason we are no longer together.

It's just another typical way men are excused from being "a man child" taking the responsibility away from them onto a woman. Pisses me off.

And now you're banging on about her other children blaming her... what about his father, why do you insist the mother is responsible for all of them being so irresponsible. Blah.

@ladygodiva83 oh his dad is just as bad. His parents are together but his dad isn’t an active father figure. Does and says nothing. Apart from when he’s complaining.
I totally understand where you’re coming from, and I can see why you think I’m blame shifting on to his mother.
His mother is not responsible for his actions, that’s not the point I’m trying to make. Only that she hasn’t helped with his growth of maturity at all as she is the most active parent.

I of course wouldn’t want to be blamed as a parent that my children grew up to be shitty people... however we are products of our childhood!

Yeah I understand. Just pisses me off that the father not even being present isn't even mentioned as to a reason why a boy turns into a man child. Like father like son. Father is clearly a man child who has relinquished all responsibility of raising his kids.

The father might not have been around @LadyGodiva

If you read the thread he is, still is but does zero. If that's not the definition of a man child I don't know what is.
Besides that a father who isn't present at all again is an example of a person taking zero responsibility in their lives. Still has an impact.

But still the blame always gets pointed at the mother. Urgh. Engage your brain ffs.

I meant the father of the manchild.

Ok, just reread and the father is around.

Us mother do take the brunt, I see and hear it a lot. That’s not my meaning in this case. I do feel for his mother but he has learnt most of his lack of responsibility from her.
My children’s father doesn’t really add much to their life, nor did mine growing up so I guess it’s always been something that was my normal.

They don't change... mine is 73 and getting worse

Mum2Girls90 You're right, I was incredibly lucky and I'm very sorry you and many others didn't grow up with that. I'm glad you're out and happy.