Right, I'm in SERIOUS need of advice and opinions, before I take any more steps with this as a friend...
Bit of a long story, so bear with me (so sorry about the length.. :( :( )...
I've got a good friend who I've known for 30 years. He has always had very bad health problems (kidney failure with 3 transplants, all eventually failed) and I'm surprised he's last this long!! He's lasted this long I think....because he has a very very chilled out attitude to life..
He lives in a house that's worth about....£500,000 because of its location (Bucks). It was his mums house and she worked bloody hard for it....single parent etc... He also inherited a £350,000 flat from his aunt who left it to him (not to both him and his sister) because he has health problems and she didn't want him to be struggling if he couldn't work.
BUT!! 2 years ago he was teaching a girl to drive (that's his job, part time driving instructor). She was 18. He's never had a girlfriend cos he's been in and out of hospital. I'm not even sure whether he's had sex with anyone!! I don't think he has!! He still has a fairly ok social life tho... a few friends, good extended family (who don't live local) etc.
This girl tho, once she had passed her test, she started bombarding him with texts night and day. She had a bf and still has the same bf.. So she's texting him night and day (all through the night!!) GOD knows about what... In my opinion, she realised he was living alone with no gf, no wife.....house paid for and she's grooming him. Her family are of a type. They sell dodgy tobacco down the pub and similar things etc. We've all probably done dodgy stuff so I don't want to come across as some sort of prude but... I'm trying to give a flavour of the type of fam. Massive rotwieller, bf drives old bangers that are modified, street racing, he's 20 also.. weed, other drugs probably..
bf of the girl has had thousands from his family to buy stupid cars and owes thousands to them. Has gambling debt. The girl owns about a million exotic birds that she started buying when she became very pally with my friend. I think he has paid for them all. They're all upstairs in a bedroom in her house, where she lives with mother and bf.
She's had various stuff out of my mate that I know about: phones, clothes, insurances, headstone for her dads grave (!!), dinners where her whole fam turn up and the bf whole fam turn up, her mother drinks 7 pints and shots cos my mate's paying for it......thousands.. And that's what I know about.
I have TRIED bollocking him. He says he has no romantic interest in her but it seems if she said jump, he would jump. She has helped him with some hospital stuff but she runs round with his credit card while she does so...
Back to the £350,000 flat from his aunt.. He WAS gonna give his sister (who lives in USA) half but this bloody girl told him not to cos the sister doesn't 'help look after him'.....so he's not giving sister 50%. I've tried to stay neutral. I don't have any friendship with his sister. If I tried to, he would disown me. He said he's prepared to lose his relationship with sis if she doesn't like the fact that she's not getting 50% of the flat. He also said he won't leave his £500,000 house to her if she tries to pressure him. ffs...
I am NOT after any of his money. Nothing. I could have pressured him to help me out loads of times and I never have. I wouldn't.
Anyway, fast forward to last week. First thing monday morning, just after some other work stuff had hit the fan, he sends me a message on fb to say he had bought her £35k MERCEDES WITH A PRIVATE NUMBER PLATE for her 21st because it's her 'dream car'. I felt physically sick when I read it and as I say, had a horrible work situation to sort out...so just sent him a bit of a bollocking (a sentence) but with a joke about something else on the end....while I decided how I feel about it.
Well, I still feel sick. I know it's his life... but he's going to get fleeced for every penny.
This girl has also sulked when she wasn't 'next of kin' at the hospital, so now she's next of kin too. 2 years she's known him...
My worst fear is that she gets him to change his will, checks he's done it, and then something happens to him. He needs to dialyse every other day or something... I could foresee a million ways that the girl, her bf, his mates could make something happen to my friend.
The girls bf lent money from him last year and when he asked for it back, gave him a load of abuse... The bf also phoned him a couple of weeks ago and asked 'when do you get the money from the sale of the flat?'.
When I tell him to be careful, he tells me he trusts the girl but not the bf. And that the bf never spends money on her and she's always moaning to my mate about that... It's BS.. to garner sympathy..
He's also paying half towards her 21st party, half towards a birthday trip to Amsterdam, etc etc. This is just what I know about.
What do I do, if anything??! I wish there was some law I could....threaten her with (even if he gets wind of it), because I'd like to give her a piece of my mind!! At 20, I wouldn't have said boo to a goose!! So far I've sent him 2 outbursts over fb.. One was less upfront than the other.. but the upfront one was very upfront... I'm not accusing HIM of anything.. but I'm saying essentially that he's been groomed and is being groomed...and that...I'm struggling to think of a way forward if the future is gonna just be him, handing over massive amounts of money and gifts to someone he hardly knows... because 'she's a laugh'...
What the hell do I do??!!? I feel a certain level of responsibility... I wish to god I had a relationship with his sister where I could alert her. I think if I alerted her from cold, he would just dump me and that would mean he's even MORE exposed without me watching things. At least I have a written record of all the main elements of the past 2 years.. (threats from the bf, the grooming etc)...
Helpppp!!!!! I am SO upset about it all.. I'd hate to lose him as a friend...but I also can't watch him get ripped off for what could amount to £800,000 by a 20 year old... 💔💔
Thanks for any thoughts or comments, Mumsnetters.. x