I’ve had a difficult relationship with my controlling mother-in-law from the start. I’ve been reluctant to post this but really need some advice on how to be around her. She has said and done really unforgivable things to me over the last 10 years of marriage. I haven’t spoken to her for months now, husband visits her with our kids and 2x a week drops kids off to her and picks them up as she starts crying if she doesn’t see them, not joking she actually does! She then rings up relatives saying I’m keeping grandkids away from her. So to keep the peace I let him drop them off, it’s really difficult to see them gone as the youngest is 10 months.
Over the years we have fallouts then i get talked into by husband to forgive her and she’s old and blah blah but now I’ve decided it’s enough and for my sanity I will not have a relationship with her again.
Issue is I’m going back to work and I’ve been told by husband if his mother doesn’t get to look after our youngest then we’re getting divorced. I know we won’t get divorced but to keep peace I will let her look after him till he’s a bit older then slowly put him in nursery starting one day then 2etc till he’s no longer with her. My dilemma is that from previous experience I will start talking to her which is natural as I need to ask how the baby ate and slept whilst I was st work, then she’ll start being nice to me and getting me back under her control. I know my personality and I am a pushover, so u don’t know how to handle this situation. A part of me feels I should just drop him off without a word and when picking him up just ask bare minimum and that’s it. I just don’t know how to be around her, I cannot live the way I did when we were friendly - she would literally organise my weekends and have a strop and cry if I said no to anything.