Is anyone else's partner lazy?

[user83921]

I'm 26, he's 25, but I honestly feel like his mother sometimes. He sits on his arse when he finishes work and I'm always doing something, ie dishes, laundry, hoovering.

Whenever I say anything about it, it's always 'well you moan at me if I do it wrong' or 'just tell me and I'll do it'

But I shouldn't have to tell him. If there is dishes needing doing, do it!

I joke that there's only two things he does in the household and that's 1. Taking the bins out 2. Mowing the grass. He now pays someone to mow the grass and has forgotten to take the bins out for the past 2 weeks.

My mum says it's a 'man thing' but please tell me they grow out of it?!!!

Please offer your advice as I just feel taken for granted. Like does he not feel bad?!

Ps. I also work full time.

I can't offer much advice but I've just ended it with my partner for exactly the reasons above. I'm 31 and he's 33 and we have a 6 month old baby. I just couldn't handle watching him watch Sky Sports anymore whilst I was doing everything. He didn't even touch the bins or outside ha.

I've heard the line about it being "just what men are like" so many times from my family and frankly I've found it beyond insulting. Men that are like that choose to be like that. If he respected you and wanted to be an adult then he would acknowledge what you do and step up. By acting how he is then he's saying "I'm happy to watch you do it all and I can get away with it because I've not had a direct instruction"

Having to tell someone to help you isn't helping you when you'd have to do it for every menial task. It's having an extra child (or your first one) without the benefits of the adorableness!

It’s not a man thing. It’s a lazy twat thing.
Not all men behave like little boys.

Definitely isn't a man thing. My partner cooks and cleans. Don't settle for a lazy man child. Tell to shape up or ship out xxx

They’re not ‘helping you’. They own half the shit in your house and need to own half the jobs. I had this with my ex. He ran a big department (I also had a full time professional job), but when he got home he could do fuck all. He was like a 4 year old.

Will he fuck grow out of it

Why would he. He’s got muggins to run herself ragged doing everything.

Suggesting all men are like that is a fucking insult to men. HE is a lazy manchild who will happily watch you do everything while he sits on his arse. Do you actually find him attractive when he does this? It would put me right off any intimacy.

No they never change, sorry!

It's not 'a man thing' and it is sexist and a cop out to say so.
My dh does loads afround the house. We are both busy so we just get on with it.
Think if this is how you want your life to be.

*around

It’s not a man thing.

Get rid of him and find yourself a new fully functioning adult to have a relationship with.

Top Tip: Having children with him won’t improve matters. So just don’t.

He knows exactly what needs doing, he just doesn't want to do it. I put up with similar crap at your age but I booted him soon enough and wouldn't tolerate it for a millisecond now.

I've known a small handful of women who are or appear lazy in this respect. There was usually a reasonable reason behind it.

Most men I've known have been like this, in a small way to a large extent. Some have been very good at it when on their own, but as soon as a girlfriend is on the scene, duties are handed over.

Mine is self professed lazy. It's what we argue over the most.

Sort it out now if you want to stay with him. Share the responsibilities so he can't argue with it I.e. I cook tea, you clear up or vice verse. Don't complain about how he does it or pick fault or it will be like he's working for you which you must avoid. You have to try and be equal

Mumsnet is chock full of threads from women with lazy useless partners. You don’t mention being pregnant or having a child so you’re one of the lucky ones who can dump and move on with no ties.

You need to stop doing everything. Start by not doing his laundry or ironing. When you come home from work don't immediately start cooking - if you're hungry, get something for yourself. You were not put on this earth to skivvy for a manchild.

What everyone else said!

It's not a 'man thing'. Not all men are lazy!

When I realised this was happening to me, I watched to see if he'sd grow out of it. He didn't. So I shouted at my DH. Several times.
Now he makes much more of an effort.

It's a lazy entitled sexist slob thing, not a man thing. OH cooks and cleans, and he cooks more than I do. I have 4 brothers and they pull their weight.

Seems to me women get with this type of man and through their love goggles, assume once they've moved in together he will miraculously change. You're on the path to a tiring life.

Not a man thing. My BF was literally 20 mins home from a hiking holiday the other day, on very little sleep enthusiastically babysat my very active DC (not his) for 3 hrs while I worked, and in that time baked bread with them, played toys, played in the garden, fed the DC, made me a cuppa and fed me as soon as I walked through the door, followed by tidying up and dishes. He also did a load of washing and hung it out in this time too, and checked with me how long my grass was and did it need cutting since he'd been away? If it needed doing he promised to come over and sort it for me after he'd done his own the following day. He puts me to shame!! But goes to show that having a penis does not preclude from housework and parenting.

All men I have ever met will behave like this if they can get away with it!

I found listing all of the things I'd done when I was accused of being unreasonable for asking my husband to do 1 thing worked in the shorr term. In the longer term, a rota with clearly defined tasks for each of you on specific days might work - it worked with us for a while.

Now if I point out the overflowing bin or other task daddy hasn't done yet, my bossy 2.5 year old dd is sure to point it out to daddy and she will not be ignored!

Mine isn't, NAMALT

Chuck him out, seriously, if he promises to change maybe give him a second chance. But, to be honest, I doubt he'll change for long.

When he's living on his own he'll discover a whole new set of abilities that he never knew he had.

Cecil - has he got a brother. He sounds lovely.😀
Yes op - this will carry on sadly.
Tell him how it’s affecting you and how it’s needs to be shared.
I’m wondering if “mummy” did everything at home and or he feels it’s “wife work”

I've had a couple of bf's like this. Both exes!

This will get worse. He is lazy but worse he is very selfish and has no problem seeing you working and waiting on him. Do you want this drain on your time around you long term.

He won't grow out of it, no. He thinks, on some level, that you are there to serve him / look after him.

If you have kids together he'll probably leave you to do it all, including settling the baby at night and getting up first thing with them. You'll be so shattered you'll feel like your brain is melting and you don't know who you are any more.

Can he change? I don't know, but he's not going to do it on his own. You will need to be very clear this isn't acceptable and be prepared to leave the relationship and mean it, if he doesn't shape up.

This is 2019, you should not be a live-in cleaner for an entitled man child.

And It's absolutely not good enough for him to ask you to tell him what to do. If he wanted to do it, he'd work it out. It's hardly rocket science is it.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. What is keeping you still with this lazy arse and incompetant manchild?. Make plans to move out asap and leave him otherwise one day you will be 36 and still skivvying about after him.

Do not continue to be seen as a skivvy for him. Your mother's comments are also crap and do you a big disservice at well; its not a man thing at all because not all men are lazy, sexist or slobs. But your current man is all of this. And no, such types do not grow out of this (I would also think his own mother ran around after him and his dad too).