Does anybody regret getting married at a registry office?

[Whatagreytdoggo]

We've only been engaged a couple of weeks, (together for 7 years.) But we've been looking at wedding venues near us to get an idea of price and we've realised it's going to take us many many years to save up for the kind of 'proper' wedding day everyone dreams of.
We've found a lovely register office, but it's still just a building on a main road and obviously not a big pretty venue with a lovely outdoor space.
Part of me (I think most of me) feels like I want to be married more than I want a wedding, but theres a part that feels a bit like I'd be missing out and what if I look back at our day at regret it? We're so torn and don't know what to do. :(

I don't think you're really going to get anyone on Mumsnet telling you they regret their small, inexpensive registry office wedding. Big, pricey weddings are very much looked down on here. I've been to both kinds and enjoyed them all equally, but I can definitely see why you would want to have a nice setting for pictures etc. Is there a big park or garden in the area that you could go to for the photos in between ceremony and reception?

How about you have the wedding you can afford for now, and then save up for a big extravaganza to celebrate your 5th anniversary or something?

I’m planning my registry wedding now and I already know I’m not going to regret it for many, many reasons. Firstly we have been together for many years (10+) so it really is not about a big, showy thing for us - it’s a deeply personal and meaningful thing which we are going to share with my two daughters who are going to be witnesses; secondly we are both from big families, mine is scattered across 5+ countries, and if we tried to get everyone (or even a good proportion) together it would literally never happen; thirdly I honestly do not want to spend thousands and thousands on the one day, and I know what I’m like - if we went with a traditional wedding I would become obsessive and costs would spiral.

The only thing I feel is a bit of a shame is that we won’t have a professional photographer. But you could get one to avoid feeling that you missed out on proper, beautiful wedding photos. I do actually think that’s worth the money.

Also, a PP is definitely right about it being much quicker! It was only 5 weeks ago that we were driving to a hospital appointment and decided we should probably stop talking about getting married "one day" and actually do it. Booked it by the time we'd arrived there, gave notice the next day and had the first appointment that was available after the notice period was up. I get terrible anxiety about a lot of things, but no time for any here!

We had our photos taken in a very pretty small park with a stream very close to the register office.

I hate having my photo taken and wanted my brother just to take a few photos (he is pretty good at photography) but MIL and FIL insisted we had to have a proper photographer and paid for one.

I don't even know where our wedding album is and have probably looked at a maximum of 4 times in 40 years

It’s fab isn’t it Lostinbakewell?

We got engaged on the Sunday, started looking into the process Monday. Made an appointment to give notice two weeks later (couldn’t do it any earlier as they wanted us to choose a date before giving notice and we had to wait for work to get back to us about annual leave). Gave notice, booked ceremony. Engaged to married in ten short weeks.

And weirdly, ten weeks feels quite long to us! I know some people wait two years planning a wedding, but for us we only wanted to get engaged as a promise to marry soon, because we were ready. I’d have hated to have waited months or years, it’s too exciting wanting to be married 😂

Nope not at all, I wanted a smallish wedding but where we were married was a beautiful building with lovely surrounds.

We've been married over ten years but I don't think I've looked at the photos more than once in that time.

The actual marriage was more important to me than that one day.

Yes lack of hassle is a big factor for us, too. My OH works in a senior role and is really very busy much of the time.

Must qualify that when I say our wedding will be personal and meaningful, I’m not in any way contrasting that with a bigger, more extravagant wedding - I’m not a snob about that at all, and if it was my first marriage and our general circumstances were a little different I’m sure I could quite happily have organised a beautiful, expensive wedding and it would still have been personal and meaningful. But it’s not who we are now and it’s not what we want.

So far I have spent 210 on dress and coat, £26 on shoes (great bargain, vastly reduced), £20 on bridal headband from eBay. Bouquet will be £100 if I have to pay full price but I’m waiting for a Black Friday bargain (I’m going to get silk flowers as a lasting memory of the day). My OH already has his suit and shoes. We will buy a cake from M&S, in the region of £30-50. Notice of intent to marry and our venue cost came to £127.

I think that’s reasonable.

Oh I will also be asking him for a handbag as a wedding gift to wear for the day (one that I’ve had my eye on for a long time which will go beautifully with my outfit), and I’ll be getting him some Georg Jensen cufflinks to wear on the day. But even the cost of those two items combined, plus the overall costs already mentioned, won’t come close to the amount I would likely have spent on just my dress and veil had we done a traditional wedding.

Married nearly 40 years. Registry office was great. Have rarely looked at photo album. The marriage is what matters, not the wedding. Nobody remembers chairbacks and favours!

small wedding, just immediate families and then a larger party in the evening.
Dress £70, suit for late hubby from M&S
Don't regret it at all

Not in the slightest.

With 5 kids now I still look back on our registry office as a wonderful day, we were young and had fun! But broke, but it was the start of a great marriage and we’ve had decades of building money wise since. The day was honestly perfect, if I renewed my vows I’d probably go back to the same restaurant and venue to re- live it!

I went to a fantastic wedding at Marylebone registry office which is very cool then onto a lovely restaurant for late lunch afterwards- amazing food and not at all standard wedding fayre!

Yes! Wedding catering is usually mediocre at best (I’ve been to one wedding where I genuinely loved the food for its own sake!), and we’re going to do the same thing - dinner for the four of us on the day at a great restaurant, and then take each side of our families out for a great meal when we do manage to catch up.

I did both. I loved both too which surprised me about the registry office,

I think it’s worth looking back at the videos and photos of peoplethat got married 10 or 20 years ago. Do they actually look amazing or a bit comic in reality? And that will be you too in another 10 and 20 years. It’s not worth the debt if it’s just for glamorous pictures.
The best wedding photos are those ones where there’s all the family from decades ago. They are nice to look at and you can have those at the registry office.

Thank you everyone. @Lostinbakewell congratulations!! Oh your post genuinely made me tear up! That all sounds so lovely and you're right in everything you said!

Funnily enough I've been looking nearby the registry office we've been looking at and there's a lovely park just round the corner and there'd be some lovely photos there.

I think having a professional photographer there would make a difference to the whole thing as well tbh. We have a friend of a friend to ask in regards to that so that should hopefully save us a bit!

It does mean we can get married much quicker, but we'd like to do it on oir anniversary so that gives us the best part of a year if we wanted to do it next year, but I wouldn't mind waiting till the year after I don't think. (Although reading all your lovely posts is making me want to do it asap!)

@Cleari that sounds like us as well really, young and broke 😅 (we don't have 5 kids though, only 1, hats off to ya!)

I do appreciate all your replies and have read them all. Lots to talk about with the other half now, thanks!

And congratulations to those who said they have recently gotten engaged & married!! 😊

Don't regret it at all. Probably put off getting married because couldn't be bothered with all the planning, organisation, deciding who gets to come, who doesn't etc that goes along with a big wedding. Maybe a bit different as we had children but the 5 of us went off to a registry office a few hours away then went for afternoon tea then on to a holiday cottage where we phoned the relatives.

Have a lavish honeymoon instead

I had a big wedding first time around and it got so stressful. All the focus was on the wedding and afterwards I simply felt exhausted. The marriage didn’t last either.
If I marry again I’d 100% want a RO with a pub meal afterwards!

I have many regrets about getting married but the registry office doesn't come into it

I've been to registry office weddings and 'big' weddings and I can honestly say that I didn't really notice the difference. The things people tend to remember about a wedding are was the food good? Was the evening fun like people danced and chatted away? And did the couple look happy? That is really it I think! I had a 'big' wedding. It was all in one place at a nice hotel with canapes, lots of photos, a meal then an evening party with a photobooth, band and buffet. I honestly can barely remember it due to just going around trying to talk to the 120 people that were there. In hindsight, we'd have done a registry office with a nice meal after then had a big party at night and spent money on our house instead 😂. I don't regret my wedding of course but in reality, it was close to £15k for one day and 5 years on I'm thinking what on earth?! We could of done it for £5k and got a new car, a new kitchen or kept it aside to top up us while out son was little (almost 3).

You won't regret it. A wedding is a wedding and I'm happy to be invited to anyone's day, big, small or whatever 🙂

I have just attended my 37th wedding.

Been to many types of wedding from the totally informal to full on expensive stately home affairs.

Nothing made one jot of difference to me apart from if the couple looked like they were right for each other.

In my own family the longest marriages have been my sisters at 43 years, ended when she was widowed a couple of years ago and DH great uncle who married with hardly any pomp or ceremony. They only died quite recently within two years of each other having been married for almost 70 years.

The most touching thing was he got his wife an exact replica of her original wedding bouquet which had been a few long stemmed lilies tied with a ribbon at their big anniversary party.

The wedding I have just returned from was a three day wedding with a rehearsal dinner, traditional Chinese tea ceremony and then a rather lavish reception with band and free bars for the entire three days, what I will always remember is the grooms family being absolutely wonderful to us their overseas visitors having never met us before. That wedding would have cost a lot of money. It’s having three wedding receptions really. Then there was a further two days taking us and the other three couples who had travelled from overseas around to entertain and take us out to dinner, we were not allowed to pay a penny, compared to some Chinese weddings it was small. My brother kept on about how 150 guests wasn’t many lol. But the absolute best thing was seeing my niece marry a man that seemed 100% right and me making everyone laugh when I gave my Aunties words of wisdom in the tea ceremony..

Nope, it was great. We went to a lovely park afterwards for photos

No regrets at all here. I loved my registry office wedding (Wandsworth registry, highly recommended). But then big church weddings bore the tits off me, so I didn't want one anyway.

It sounds to me like being married is more important to you than the actual wedding day- and that’s how it should be

Dh and I married in a registry office and we loved every minute of it. Wouldn’t change a thing!