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Original poster

Does anybody regret getting married at a registry office?

85 replies

Whatagreytdoggo · 04/09/2019 11:32

We've only been engaged a couple of weeks, (together for 7 years.) But we've been looking at wedding venues near us to get an idea of price and we've realised it's going to take us many many years to save up for the kind of 'proper' wedding day everyone dreams of.
We've found a lovely register office, but it's still just a building on a main road and obviously not a big pretty venue with a lovely outdoor space.
Part of me (I think most of me) feels like I want to be married more than I want a wedding, but theres a part that feels a bit like I'd be missing out and what if I look back at our day at regret it? We're so torn and don't know what to do. :(

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 04/09/2019 14:56

No regrets here . I loved it

zinrepus · 04/09/2019 14:56

We had a civil ceremony at the registry and a much MN maligned ceremonial wedding after the fact. We had immigration concerns to take into account and as our civil ceremony was that, I wanted something indicative of my religious upbringing. TBH, I wish I had looked around and perhaps picked a registrar's office by some method other than "closest". There are some lovely ones but the one in our town leaves something to be desired.

If the registrar wedding means you can have the celebration you want after with the people you want, what other issues are there?

Whatsitlike · 04/09/2019 14:57

Registry office here, was more interested in being married rather than the fuss of a wedding.

If I could do it again I would do the same, just with less than the 19 people there! But still enjoyed our day

Spent all the money on our wonderful honeymoon.

MorvaanReed · 04/09/2019 15:01

We did registry office with about 10 guests and then a BBQ in our back garden.

We loved it, but we both found the idea of a big traditional wedding horrifying.

Original poster
Whatagreytdoggo · 04/09/2019 15:10

Thanks everyone!

Firstly I didn't mean to cause anyone any offence and please don't think I meant anything bad in regards to regret, I simply meant we couldn't decide and are genuinely torn between both.

To the PP who said about going out of town, the lovely one we've found is out of town and 2 hours away from us, which doesn't botherus at all as we'd only be havingclose friends and family there either way we decided to do it.

To the PP who said what what would I do if i won the loterry, honestly I'd have a big day at a venue but probably hire someone to plan it all as I hate planning and I no it would stress me out! Another big reason we want to go to a registery office..

To the PP who said I shouldn't get married, I think how I wrote it must have come across wrong, I 100% want to marry my Fiancé, he's amazing and we're very much in love. We just don't want to look back and be sad we don't have the lovely photos and vidoes and bridesmaids and groomsmen and all that goes with the bigger more expensive weddings.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatagreytdoggo · 04/09/2019 15:12

Oh and @GammaStingRay

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatagreytdoggo · 04/09/2019 15:14

Oops, posted early. Was meant to say gamma - the whole day costing £600 sounds right up my street!!

OP posts:
GammaStingRay · 04/09/2019 15:41

Whatagreytdoggo

We’re made up! I think it’s broken down to:

Rings: £200
Ceremony: £235
Giving notice: £60
Dress: £17

That’s it.

Actually it will probably be another £200 on top for the lunch after with guests so not strictly under £600, but still not bad imo! It blows my mind people spend £600 just on flowers or a makeup artist. I try not be judgey about expensive weddings as I truly believe it’s each to their own but it just doesn’t appeal to either of us, we bought our first home this year which cost us circa £20k for the deposit and stuff like carpets and blinds and furniture, and our baby is due in December so we’ll need money for that. We still have savings each, money set aside for everything baby needs, and money set aside for making it through maternity leave. I know we’re incredibly fortunate in that regard! But we didn’t see any point to spending more than the minimum marrying with so many other important things that need cash coming up.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence either that we both feel very much that being married is what matters to us so we’ve cracked on and had a ten week engagement and such a cheap ceremony, whereas we have friends who’ve been engaged for literally years with no even vague date set because one or the other of the couple is determined to have a fancy wedding (though tbf for some of them it seems like a stalling tactic).

It feels very romantic to me that we’re just getting up on a Wednesday morning, putting some nice clothes on, driving together to the register office a few miles away to meet our families, getting married, going for lunch and then back to our normal lives after a day or two off work.

mydogisthebest · 04/09/2019 15:48

No, don't regret it at all. We got married 40 years ago so only choices were church or register office. I didn't want a big showy wedding and am not a church goer so register office was our choice.

All we cared about was being married. We had only known each other 5 months but knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and didn't want to wait ages to get married. We did not want to live together first

Amara123 · 04/09/2019 15:58

Maybe the thing to put some money into is a photographer? I love having those pictures now with all my family in it. And it seems to be the thing that people treasure most after the day.
You and your guests will be all dolled up so it'd be worth capturing!

Mrsjayy · 04/09/2019 16:05

No although the registry office we wanted was a nicer venue had closed due to a flood, anyway we got married in town but went elsewhere for photographs which tbh was a faff but I have no regrets

Original poster
Whatagreytdoggo · 04/09/2019 16:06

No, I completely get not wanting to spend the thousands and thousands that it costs, i wouldn't particularly want to and tbh we just don't have that kind of money available.

My friend recently got married and has a lovely little video of all the photographs taken which we won't have this way. But we have a young DC and I can't wait to have the same last name as my Fiancé and DC.

Another thing swaying me to the RO is being able to do it sooner, I'd love to be married before DC starts school really, in the next 3 years. I think that outweighs wanting the big wedding as well really if I'm honest.

OP posts:
GammaStingRay · 04/09/2019 16:17

So when are you thinking of marrying if it’s at the register office?

We won’t have the photos and videos either but honestly couldn’t care less, they’re lovely but most people’s weddings end up looking pretty identical to each other’s. Of a handful of friends I’ve known get married over the past few years the pictures are pretty much interchangeable except for a different face/body in the dress and suit.

The only thing I’m soppy and excited about is looking down at my hand and seeing my wedding and engagement rings, ticking ‘Mrs’ on forms and having the same surname as my OH and our upcoming baby. A photo album pales into comparison for me but everyone’s different!

Mrsjayy · 04/09/2019 16:36

We had a lovely wedding day it looks like I was being negative. But it really was nice our guests all said how nice it was

timshelthechoice · 04/09/2019 16:41

No, not a single regret at all! Registry, immediate family only, lunch at Zizzi's after. 100% legal!

Mum4Fergus · 04/09/2019 16:47

We eloped and used registry office...absolutely no regrets Smile

Mum4Fergus · 04/09/2019 16:49

Sorry, sent too soon.

My friend is a photographer and doubled up as a witness, as did the chum who did my hair.

The office itself was far from quaint however we they had a lovely garden which we used and then had some taken in the accomodation we were staying that night.

AnastasiaBeverleyHills · 04/09/2019 17:25

From the other side.....I had the big wedding. All the trimmings, church, hundreds of guests, everything was beautiful........I wish I had concentrated more on the marriage than the wedding. I wouldn't do it again. It was an amazing day but if I ever go down the marriage route again it will be intimate registry office and about the commitment instead of the party.

AlunWynsKnee · 04/09/2019 17:34

Registry Office in a very urban area and then to a local restaurant that we had been able to book out for the whole evening. Spent most of the budget on nice food :)

AlunWynsKnee · 04/09/2019 17:36

Whoops, forgot to say no regrets.

Original poster
Whatagreytdoggo · 04/09/2019 17:37

Thank you for your replies everyone. @GammaStingRay all the points you mention in your last post are all the things I look forward to as well!

I think you've all helped sway me and feel like it's the right decision for us.

Thank you to the PP who gave your experience from the other side, good to have posts from both!

OP posts:
badgermushrooms · 04/09/2019 17:41

We had a small registry office ceremony, a nice pub lunch, and then a big evening party. If I regret anything it's the big party - I could very happily have stayed in the pub with our closest friends and family.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/09/2019 17:42

We've gone for the middle ground. We found a venue that is not hugely expensive but is beautiful, and talked to them about cancellation dates. We've managed to get the date that we wanted, for next year, but would have gone with another one. That's saved us a decent amount. I'm not going to spend a fortune on a dress, and the venue includes the ceremony, reception, food and DJ, so it's not going to be very expensive unless we add to it.

That said, I would have gone for a registry office if we could find a nice one somewhere that meant something to us, but we couldn't and my fiancé really wanted a nice place to get our friends together.

I don't think you'll regret whatever you choose, just be guided by what you want and how you can make that possible. Congratulations!

Sparkandgold · 04/09/2019 17:50

Think ppl are missing the whole point of the post.
The OP has taken the time to ask and post on a forum therefore I have a sneaking suspicion that the OP doesn't actually want to marry in a registry office. Maybe I'm reading into too much Hmm

Well you've only been engaged a few weeks and plans ideas do change. Just enjoy the engagement as it can be quite overwhelming.

Don't commit to anything until it feels right for both of you.
I think if you're already questioning stuff it might not be right for you.

Lostinbakewell · 04/09/2019 18:07

We got married (yesterday!!) in a registry office and it was so lovely.
6 people, no faff or fuss. Cost £200 for the ceremony but our local registry office is in a touristy place so probably would have been cheaper elsewhere.
Made buttonholes and flower crowns for everyone out of less than a fivers worth of Aldi flowers, spent £20 at the chippy on far more food than we could all eat, and sat with chips cans of lemonade in the park. Then went home for tea and cake, which my 8 year old daughter made all on her own, no help at all, revealing a genuinely impressive hidden talent.

Wouldn't have had it any other way, and this comes from someone who reallllyyy wanted the fairytale wedding when my ex proposed many moons ago. I was the girl who had my wedding planned by the age of 10, knew exactly the dress I wanted before I had a groom, and had a secret embarrassing stash of Pinterest boards a few years ago. Gonna sound like a right soppy twat, but when you're marrying the right person you don't care a jot about the rest of it. We may not have a fancy wedding album (or indeed any particularly flattering photos!!), but we do have iPhone photos of us all looking truly happy and laughing together.

Everybody kept saying just how nice it was, and I think DH nailed it yesterday evening when he said that all the things that made it nice couldn't be bought or be choreographed or planned - and that people can go to fancy weddings and fall into the trap of convincing themselves that all the expensive details are what has made the day so nice, when really they don't matter at all. We could have spent £££s on an impressive cake - which whilst nice, wouldn't have elicited as many genuinely amazed expressions. And bought flowers may have looked gorgeous, but would have had nothing on a girly morning with DD and MIL having fun wiring everything together.
Whether it costs £200 or £20k, the mothers still cry, everyone still has a good time (better, in fact, as there's no stress and nobody feels the pressure to enjoy themselves and make everything perfect), and at the end of the day, you've still got married!