What does your husband/partner do when you do your own thing?

[Palmoliv]

Hi! My question is as simple as that: when you do your own thing, what does your partner/husband do at the same time?

For example, you do handicraft at home, read a book or do something at computer, do your manicure or beauty procedures, or plant flowers or read newspaper or watch your favourite tv show or whatever it is you are doing alone without your partner.
What is your husband doing at the same time? Especially if you live in a flat where there is not much to do (like perhaps gardening or house maintenance or similar things).

Thanks for all the replies! So many replies.

I actually asked, because I have never lived with anyone before and have now lived together with my boyfriend for a year. And I was just wondering whether it is normal that I have so many things to do and I want some solitude doing these things and he basically then just watches TV or youtube.

But I see that to some extent it is normal (I just did not know what are the activities that men do, to be honest).

It is a bit annoying, though, that he seeks my attention all the time. He needs to constantly share his thoughts about what he is watching or reading and so on and he rarely goes out alone without me. As I arrive home late two evenings per week due to my hobby, I kind of feel pressure to give him all this attention he requires other days of the week. But at the same time, I want to do my own things as well, like also read or watch something on the internet, sew or other things and I actually need to concentrate on these things, it is difficult for me to pay attention to my thing and at the same time to him. So I have somewhat felt that he actually wants to constantly speak to me or do something together and he just "passes time" with his TV/youtube until I am ready to spend time again with him, but now I understand that there are not many other activities men do (besides gym, which he hates, and seeing friends which he does not have many, and walking a dog which we do not have, and gardening/being with children etc which we do not have).

Now thinking, maybe I worded my question wrongly. I guess I also want to know whether your partners are OK or happy with you doing your own thing. It kind of bothers me that he actually has nothing he really likes to do and it is always the scenario that I want to do X, W and Z and he just passes his time then. But he never tells me that he wants to do A, B or C by himself. So a kind of guilt arises sometimes inside me that he constantly has to wait for me.

Being needy

And also as other POd have said, sending messages to ask how long I will be etc if I leave the house to do something

Looking after the kids so I can do my thing.

If dc1 is in bed...
Reading
Watching tv
Throwing darts
PlayStation
Odd jobs about the house
Nap

He’s the sort of person who is always doing something and likes to be busy.

Other PPs. Stupid phone

If I’m home and trying to do something then he’ll sit next to me, poke me occasionally, giggling and try to get my attention.
If I go out, then he follows me.
If I really have to do something without him, he goes to sleep until I’m back.
He’s fine when I’m at work because he’s at work too, but then he does send me dozens of texts through the day.

It’s not that he’s not happy for me to do my own thing, he just wants ‘a bit of fuss’. Like a puppy.

That would drive me mental @DBML

Those men sound awful. I'm fairly independent and couldnt cope with a man with no hobbies. I used to think I'd never find a man I could live with because I used to get bored of them after a while and want them to go away but am now on my second marriage with both husbands being happy in their own company and having hobbies.
Men can be a bit odd about hobbies though, either having none or getting obsessive about them where as the women I know have more less intense hobbies.
I'd be telling a needy pesterer to sort himself out or we are incompatible.

OH has a massive collection of trance records. So when I'm doing my own thing (working or my manicure), he'll pop into his record room and have a jolly good time in there 😂😂

He also fishes but rarely goes now. Says he enjoys the family time these days.

Your boyfriend sounds very needy, personally I couldn't stand that.

My DH and I are very independent, in fact we rarely do anything together apart from share a meal if we are both in, we even sleep separately .

He does a lot of paperwork at home for his job (works from home so often catches up in the evenings), he loves exercising - gym, walking, golf etc. Gardening, tv (rarely watch anything together), drinks , reads, surfs the net.
Meets friends for a drink sometimes.

I tend to be out 'socially' more than DH, cinema with friends, Committee meetings, Book Club etc.

I find some of the relationships described here wholly depressing.

Some of the men described here sound fucking depressing

Like puppy ?

DH is massively in to films and box sets, as well as DIY, so he’d be doing that.

We spend a lot of time apart though, I work long hours and commute plus my hobby is my horse which takes me away from home.

We are both good at being on our own fortunately!

@Shoxfordian

Oh it does sometimes!

OP what did he do before in his spare time before you lived together?

Perhaps you need to inspire him to find some hobbies he can get excited about? Does he like reading, watching DVDs, researching holidays for you both to go on, finding out how to repair things, cooking, would he like a creative activity?
You might need to train him up a bit better

Does his own thing! Normally that involves tinkering in the shed, going for a bike ride or doing DIY of some description. Sometimes he'll go for a nap or play video games for a couple of hours too.

To be honest, I don't care what he does so long as he's not pestering me! I love our time together but equally need my space too. I couldn't cope with being followed around like a lost animal - I already have three pets who do that 😂

I'd hate to be in a relationship with someone so needy that they had to poke me and follow me around when I'm trying to do something for myself. I hate being mithered.

When I'm on the computer in the dining room or am knitting or sewing or cooking or whatever, if he is around and not looking after the children he's reading his book or his phone or is watching TV or on the PS4. During the day when we're not together we pretty much leave each other alone. We rarely text during the day.

@CherrySocks I have tried to inspire him - being more direct and telling him I really need space and also suggesting him different activities and reminding him things he has told me he likes to do. But to no avail. He has pretty much been in relationships all the time prior to our relationship (1,5-5 years long), with only I guess max a few months single in between. Around 10 years ago, he was very active hobby wise, then later he spend a lot of times with a few of his friends and also with his girlfriends' friends. He liked to bicycle, photography a bit, he took some courses, even went out alone to a pub, went to his parents place for a weekend sometimes. Now his relationship with his friends has somehow drifted away, it has improved a tiny bit lately as I have urged him. I have suggested numerous hobbies - he declines all the suggestions. He says he loves to cook, but does not feel like it during work week and only does some simple dishes during weekend. He used to like photography, but is not interested anymore I guess. I tried to show interest in it and he was all happy and enthusiastic, but saying that "we should practice together"; when I tried practicing he lost his interest quickly. He never wants to go to see his parents or other family members alone. All he really wants to do is go out with me and do whatever pops in mind, also to weekend trips. I love to go out with him, but I am not keen going out all the time, because I have many things I like to do my own also. It's really starting to bug me. He finally found a hobby he would be interested in, involves 1-2 evenings per week. But for the last 3 months he has told me that "I will start next month".
I thought he might be somewhat depressed, he acknowledged he might have some anxiety issues and then went to individual counselling around 5 months ago. The counselling confirmed that he is not depressed, but has anxiety, but apparently a few sessions cured him. But nothing has really changed (apart the fact that he has met his friends a few times, but only because they asked him and I somewhat forced him to go).
He is a lovely man in many ways. On the one hand, it seems, reading the answers here, that to some extent this is normal for men to be the way he is - which makes me wonder whether I should just accept it and focus on his good qualities. On the other hand, though, I read here also that there are men who are more active and more independent and it makes me kind of jealous and makes me think I should not accept "good enough".

This isn't normal behaviour OP. None of the men i know are like this in a relationship. They all have hobbies and interests or just enjoy their own company.

The only man i have known to be like this was my mum's boyfriend and his behavour escalated into emotional abuse and control as he didn't want to do anything alone so she couldn't either.