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Relationships

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Original poster

He wants to sleep around

53 replies

fordz · 03/09/2019 07:15

My partner claims to love me but want to sleep with other people. At first he said he wanted me to be involved also. I firmly stated that I was in no way interested and reacted very badly to his requests. I thought we would be able to move on from this but not the case. He seems almost sick with desperation to be able to live out this fantasy. I'm so sad as this means breaking up our family as I am unable to live with this.

OP posts:

toadabode · 03/09/2019 07:19

If he loved you he wouldn't want this

MarianaMoatedGrange · 03/09/2019 07:21

He's prioritising his dick over his family. Let him go shag around, but make it clear he moves out first, and your relationship is now over.

NameChangeNugget · 03/09/2019 07:56

If he loved you he wouldn't want this

If she loved him, she’d let him do it.

There’s no right or wrong here. People change and you want different things. I’d end it

Whoops75 · 03/09/2019 08:03

I would also get him out before he starts, what an awful situation.

JaneJeffer · 03/09/2019 08:25

If she loved him, she’d let him do it. What?

ADUTT7 · 03/09/2019 08:29

I think some people do have this desire but very few would every admit it or bring it up. However if it is not for you then you have no choice but to bring things to an end as his desire to pursue this won’t fade over time. If anything it will get stronger.

Misskg1982 · 03/09/2019 08:30

For some this works....
I agree with most his prioritising his fantasy over his family. He needs to make that decision and move on, not make you feel bad about not wanting to participate.
It's awful but let him go and be happy knowing you're worth alot more then a man who clearly is more bothered about getting his jolly on then being a good partner.

SparklyMagpie · 03/09/2019 10:05

If he loved you he wouldn't want this

If she loved him, she’d let him do it.

Are you being serious?!?

Babdoc · 03/09/2019 10:08

Listen to the song “A little time” by Beautiful South. Then throw him out.

HappyPunky · 03/09/2019 10:12

Let him get on with it and move on.

It's likely that he won't get as many as he's expecting so it's best for you to move on and be free of him in case he thinks you'll have him back.

SandyY2K · 03/09/2019 10:16

You're not compatible. Breaking up is the right thing under the circumstances.

He really wants an open relationship... you don't.

wheretoyougonow · 03/09/2019 10:17

What does he think about you taking on several other lovers? Or maybe suggest moving in another husband to fulfil your emotional needs...

uppershopping · 03/09/2019 10:19

*If she loved him, she’d let him do it.

There’s no right or wrong here. People change and you want different things. I’d end it*

WHAAAAT

Windydaysuponus · 03/09/2019 10:20

Make sure you aren't available when he realises what a twat he has been..

IdblowJonSnow · 03/09/2019 10:23

There's no compromise here is there?
If you stay together do you think he'd do it behind your back?

busybarbara · 03/09/2019 10:25

It's just a big incompatible difference. Love is irrelevant, you can love someone while doing the most terrible things to them, it's not some binary on and off. But you are both incompatible over this big issue and you need to reconsider the relationship

thecatsarecrazy · 03/09/2019 11:08

Me and my husband agreed to an open marriage.. the fantasy doesn't live up to the reality. Feel free to pm me

thecatsarecrazy · 03/09/2019 11:16

Actually I will just put it on here its easier..
So I found out my husband of 13 years had been using kik
googling escorts and talking to women on watsapp. I was angry at first but then I thought about it and we sat down and spoke about an open marriage with the understanding we both still love each other, we don't want to split up or break up the family we all still come 1st. We both set up tindr accounts and other means of finding people. The upshot is I'm by no means attractive but I have had many people interested he has had 0 offers. Men find sleeping with a married woman hot, women generally find married men looking for women icky. I set up a meeting with someone.. he cancelled on the day and I have since found out hes bat shit. Told me to fuck off and demanded respect from me.. so the fantasy will probably only be that.

busybarbara · 03/09/2019 11:35

Men find sleeping with a married woman hot, women generally find married men looking for women icky.

I think this is why marriage and marriage laws were so weighted in men's favour in the past. Marriage represented the only "guaranteed" way men could have sex. Now the tables have turned and they don't like it

MMmomDD · 03/09/2019 11:43

OP - you and your H aren’t compatible, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
He seems decent that he has openly admitted his needs. Many men would just go and act on them, and hide.
He did the honest thing and came clean before.
It’s easy to just dismiss and break up over it. However - if you want to try to work through this together - there are many paths....
Does your H have a specific idea of what it is that he wants? Is it more a fantasy, the possibility of feeling ‘free’ that he is seeking?
l think the post by @TheCats is quite telling - and true for many...
There is a fantasy, but reality isn’t as easy or glamorous....
If you don’t want to throw in the towel - try reading E.Perel’s ‘The State of Affairs’ - it talks a lot about couples finding ways to live with their desires for being their own people in a relationship; and finding ways to be together

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 03/09/2019 12:34

Ha, I was in a relationship with an arsehole like this. He wanted to shag around because 'I'm a man, it's a biological need' and because I was only the second person he'd slept with.

He was forever eyeing up and commenting about other women in front of me. I discovered he'd been trying desperately to hook up with other women, but hilariously he couldn't get a whiff of it.

I was only in my very early 20s at this point, with nonexistent self-esteem that was shot to shit for years and years after we broke up. Don't do it to yourself OP - let him fuck about, without you to fall back on. You're worth more than being a safety net option.

Zaphodsotherhead · 03/09/2019 12:41

Is it that he wants threesomes, if he wanted you to be involved, or was he thinking more like group sex? And how long have you been together v him wanting this? If you've been together six months and he's saying he wants this, then it's who he is and you are not compatible. If you've been together twenty years and he's suddenly started with this, then it's a fantasy that he just hasn't thought through, I suspect.

But you don't have to like it or go along with it. If it's what he wants - let him go off and explore. He'll likely find that it's not the sweetie shop he is imagining out there in the cold world.

SandyY2K · 03/09/2019 12:52

@thecatsarecrazy

You're so right. Married women get lots of offers... married men are just seen as sleazy, except by married women looking for affairs.

Casual sex is easy for married women.

Josuk · 03/09/2019 13:02

Casual sex is easy for most people these days. One just has to know what they are looking for and where to find it.
Equally - all sorts of experimentation is also easy.
So - as someone said - if he is a new partner - he is just telling you he isn’t monogamous. And being honest about it, which is rare.
If you have been together for a long time - he is telling you about a fantasy. And some level of openness in a relationship based on love and commitment is possible. Not easy or straight forward, but possible

Banangana · 03/09/2019 13:52

An open relationship wouldn't be for me but I don't think wanting to sleep with other people necessarily means he doesn't love you. I'd just accept that we aren't compatible and move on before things get messy.

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