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Original poster

He wants to sleep around

53 replies

fordz · 03/09/2019 07:15

My partner claims to love me but want to sleep with other people. At first he said he wanted me to be involved also. I firmly stated that I was in no way interested and reacted very badly to his requests. I thought we would be able to move on from this but not the case. He seems almost sick with desperation to be able to live out this fantasy. I'm so sad as this means breaking up our family as I am unable to live with this.

OP posts:
WombOfOnesOwn · 03/09/2019 17:10

He's already having an affair and had gotten the idea in his head that maybe you'd have a threesome and be a big happy family. Now that you've said no to his Plan A, he's moved on to Plan B. If you say yes, he'll instantly have a new "friend" that he's actually been shagging for weeks/months.

Original poster
fordz · 03/09/2019 18:39

Thanks for all your replies. We have been together for six years and this has only happened in the last six months. Was hoping it was something that he could work through and come to terms with. Maybe couples conucilling? Would help

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 03/09/2019 18:46

What an arse. LTB.
And don't listen to @NameChangeNugget.

Robin2323 · 03/09/2019 18:55

Listen to the song “A little time” by Beautiful South. Then throw him out.

About sums him up.

1forAll74 · 03/09/2019 18:59

If a partner said he loved me,then in the next breath,that he want's to sleep with others, I would just say, well shove off then,and don't come back.

Why do people who wan't to do this,have a partner,instead of staying single, so they can then sleep around till kingdom come, Just have their fun and maybe end up with nobody later, which is probably best,for people like this.

KUGA · 03/09/2019 19:09

Fck him off asap.
WHAT A VILE B`STARD,

Rachelover40 · 03/09/2019 19:30

I think it's awful, especially as he keeps going on about it and behaves as if he is deprived. He is hurting you, fordz. You've been together a long time, he should know you and not distress you so much. I think he is seedy and vile.

You mentioned couples counselling; it wouldn't hurt to try it but it does take a long time, not an easy fix; or break up with him and move on.

Flowers
RJoneszy · 03/09/2019 19:55

He doesn't love you I'm so sorry OP. You deserve better. Thanks

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 03/09/2019 19:59

@Fordz I'm so sorry because it sounds like aside from this one thing, you want to hold onto the relationship, but honestly you have no choice but to let him go. He is being motivated by lust atm not love and will eventually cheat anyway. Plus If you try to hold onto him, it crush your self-esteem, you'll feel insecure and you'll end up hating yourself. He is telling you are not enough sexually for him. It's psychological and emotional cruelty and you don't need to accommodate it.

Let him goFlowers.

Original poster
fordz · 03/09/2019 21:52

He's now completely back peddling. Saying he won't do anything with out me. Meaning group sex. He loves me. But is moody and withdrawn. Like an addict maybe .....

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 03/09/2019 22:27

Oh ffs let the mardy git withdraw totally. Sulking because you don't fancy a gang bang Hmm

MMmomDD · 03/09/2019 22:45

OP - he is not an addict. It won’t help you to think this way. And it won’t help your relationship, if there’s is a future for it anyway.
He does love you. And he took a risk by opening up.
Unfortunately - there is no turning back now. It’s in the open.
Even if he backtracks and says he’ll put it away and not pursue this - you’ll have no way of knowing if he manages. And in the long term he’ll get unhappily and dissatisfied.
I hope there are no children involved.
He should have been open with you from the start. Or, rather, dated in the poly community.

busybarbara · 04/09/2019 00:09

In your first post you said...

My partner claims to love me but want to sleep with other people. At first he said he wanted me to be involved also.

So how is it back pedaling that he wouldn't do anything without you? That's what you said was his opening position..

PickAChew · 04/09/2019 00:10

Tell him to jog on and do just that, then, only you won't be joining him in his adventure.

AMidsummersNightsNightmare · 04/09/2019 00:15

Tell him to do one. He shouldn’t be sulking and making you feel uncomfortable

HollowTalk · 04/09/2019 00:19

He seems almost sick with desperation to be able to live out this fantasy.

Ugh, how could you ever even think of having a relationship with this man?

Skittlenommer · 04/09/2019 04:19

It’s likely he has always had this kink. There is nothing wrong with it but that doesn’t mean you have to accept it. Vanilla and kink don’t mix so it doesn’t bode well for the future of your relationship!

LellyMcKelly · 04/09/2019 07:04

Let him go. He’s not the man for you.

Zaphodsotherhead · 04/09/2019 09:21

He's managed for the six previous years never to mention this? Or show any signs of wanting it? Only after six years of presumed monogamy has he decided he wants to sleep around?

Then he's either already sleeping with someone or he's got one foot out of the relationship, OP. The sulking and withdrawing isn't an addict (if he were addicted I think you would have known by now, six years is a long time to keep something like that under wraps). He's just decided he wants to shag more women. Either he's got a friend who's putting it about and he wants a bit of that, or he's found a woman he has designs on, but he wants to keep you on the back burner.

He's not the man you thought he was. You need to let him go before he rips your heart out.

Ringdonna · 04/09/2019 15:22

At least he asked.

james1900 · 05/09/2019 23:35

nothing wrong with having 3sums give it ago you mite like it ?

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 05/09/2019 23:45

If she loved him, she’d let him do it.

@NameChangeNugget, wtf? If your h said he wanted you to fuck someone else, you'd be OK with that??

Insanity

FluffyHippo · 06/09/2019 07:06

He can indulge his immature fantasies and try to sleep with as many women as he likes when you've left him and he's single, can't he?

Honestly, life is always about choices. For example, I gave up the opportunity of an awesome job abroad which would've put me in a whole new league professionally because I didn't want to uproot my family at that time. You create a family and you give up sex with other people. It's a choice. Or you abandon your family so you can indulge your sex drive. It's a different choice.

In a way, it's got nothing to do with you, fordz. He can't have his cake and eat it because of the way you feel, so he has to grow the fuck up and choose.

Original poster
fordz · 06/09/2019 22:07

Thanks again for your replies. Choice taken out if my hands really. He and I are really going in different directions and never the Twain shall meet.

OP posts:
Deadringer · 06/09/2019 23:04

A man who wants a steady loving partner but also wants to have sex with other people? How very unusual and refreshingly honest. Not. Just another selfish arse who wants to have his cake and eat it. Tell him to be monogamous or piss off.

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