Would your family notice if you stopped eating?

[RatWife]

I haven't eaten with my family for 9 days now. I cook meals and serve them but don't eat anything myself. Neither DH or DC have said anything.

For context I was ill in bed for about 4 days before this and just on liquids.

Maybe they think I am still ill?

When I say 'not eating' I mean not eating main meals. I will have an apple and a few crackers or toast in the morning and same in the evening.

It just occurred to me it was a bit odd that no one has asked if I'm eating or why I'm not joining them

It sounds like you are seen and treated as a domestic appliance.

The fish rots from the head - the attitude will have originated from and been fostered by your husband.

Ageee with Pics they really are not treating you very well. You say even when you’re not I’ll, they start the meal without you-such bad manners.

How old are the dc? Mine were helping with setting the table, helping to serving the meal and clearing up, from about aged 8.

They should all be helping you and now is a good time to start.

You've become staff OP.

Im on my own with two teens who definitely wouldn't notice. My parents would notice I'd lost loads of weight though.

A few years ago I lost 3st throug fasting. My ExH didn't notice or comment at all. It's a horrible feeling knowing that not even your nearest or dearest pay any attention to you. I sympathise.

Also, you need to eat more that fruit and crackers.

I went through a period of deep depression at the end of my last relationship and didn't eat much. As a consequence I lost a significant amount of weight. My work colleagues noticed my weight loss however my dp at the time spent so little time at home and didn't eat with us anyway that my appearance wasn't on his rader. Turns out I was nothing more than a housekeeper. This sounds like similar scenario?

Nope! I don't eat with them unless it is a roast or takeaway though.
DH and children eat at 5.
I eat between 8-9 once children are in bed.

I just find it easier because i don't eat the same food as DH and DC.

It's also a lot easier because i don't get bugged by any children! I can actually enjoy it in peace haha!

I don’t know whether the waiters and chefs at the restaurants I dine in eat,
Maybe stop saying “start without me” every time? Your DH should insist that they wait most times as a sign of good manners at the least. And I hope they wash up.

Stop cooking too. They might notice then. Maybe you can swap cooking for mowing the lawn or whatever your husband’s contribution is?

I mean, come on, cafe staff notice when a regular changes their order or doesn't come in for a while. That's not exactly family and they have a LOT of regulars.

Family not noticing that you've not only stopped eating with them but even really eating at all?

Fucking appalling lack of shits given there.

May be worth going to the GP if you have lost your appetite

I don’t think it’s strange at all for your appetite to take a while to come back after illness. What would a GP do?

Op I think my family would notice yes, and you must feel very hurt yours haven’t

Yes they would. But I’m in recovery for an eating disorder

Hope you’re appetite returns soon x

My DP would, but I suffered anorexia before so he's vigilant.

Do they maybe think you're still ill? Or could be assuming you're eating at different times to them?

I'm preparing their meals as usual without complaint, but feeling a bit upset and taken advantage of.

I would find this sort of behaviour of yours a bit passive aggressive, tbh. You want them to notice and ask how you are. They don't so you carry on getting more and more upset.

That isn't really a very helpful way to deal with this, is it? Why don't you speak to your family instead of carrying on cooking meals, inwardly complaining and getting more and more upset at 'how they are treating you'?

My family would definitely notice cos I am all about the food

Food is life!

They must just think you are still in.
My OH would definitely notice, he's often commented that I 'Always have something in my mouth'

I have a DH and a teen. Neither of them would notice if I stopped eating. In fact I did a one week fast once (well, it lasted 4 days) and DH /DS never batted an eyelid.
Even if I sit with them whilst they’re eating, they’d both probably just assume I’d already eaten or think ‘more for them’.
I know if my niece was my daughter she’d notice though!

No. Indeed, I developed a mildish eating disorder without them noticing. Kids were only 2 and 4 though and the husband is now an ex... So yes, probably is a bit wierd they've not said anything.

Why don't you speak to your family instead of carrying on cooking meals, inwardly complaining and getting more and more upset at 'how they are treating you'?

What do you suggest I say, Haffiana?

It sounds like you want them to notice you - not for not eating - but as a way of getting their attention at feeling unappreciated and overlooked generally .
Using food as a means of control is not a good lesson to show your kids though .
Maybe have a chat with your husband about him doing the dinners some days so it’s not always you ?

I bet they would soon notice if you went the other way and put a couple of stone on though

Tell them the truth. That you feel they don’t care about you.
Even if you’ve got it all wrong, you’re allowed to feel hurt and upset. It sounds as though you feel a bit neglected...perhaps trying to get their attention by not eating is a last ditch attempt?

Just tell your husband how you feel. Honest conversation is the only thing that can lead to a solution.

Sending hugs

perhaps trying to get their attention by not eating is a last ditch attempt?

I have lost my appetite due to illness!

I'm not "attempting" anything.

Sorry just trying to help.

I’m not sure why it’s bothered you enough to create a thread then? Surely if you’ve lost your appetite due to illness, your family will be assuming this is the case?
Either way, advice to speak to your family about how you feel, is good advice from the op.

From the pp not the op 🤦‍♀️

Mine would notice, and did when I couldn't eat (stress and anxiety for some reason, literally couldn't swallow food and just about the smallest sips of water).
Its better now, but I still struggle, esp if I get anxious about anything.

Can you speak to you dh about it? Ask him if he has noticed you aren't eating? I can only assume he thinks you are still ill and not well enough to eat properly yet.

Though, that begs the question why he isn't cooking dinner if he does think you are still ill.