WWYD if your DP said this about you?

[NewStart571]

That in looks he rates you as a 5-6 out of 10 in looks?

Would this affect your self esteem? It’s playing on my mind.

Btw, this is a recent ex for many different reasons.

Would this affect your self esteem?

Yes, I'd wonder why I didn't spot that he was such a dicksmack before. And then I'd dump. Negging is a dealbreaker.

To be honest, this comment is the tip of the iceberg. But it’s really affecting me.

I know technically 5/10 is average but I’ve always understood that 7/10 is your starting point if you’re being polite. He said this to me when we were together. I hope yet feel so unattractive and unlovable.

it sounds like he has probably done or said a lot more which has upset you, which is why you ended it. However, you have fixed onto this comment, firstly because you know really that it is unfair and secondly, because it was designed to hurt you.
It seems to me that you are now magnifying the comment into an indictment of all your chances of being loved again - by someone who is more genuine and not seeking to hurt you.
It is a bit of a negative spiral.

You know that you have many good qualities, right? You also have values which are important to you. Think about how you would define yourself, not his words.

Seriously?

I know where the delete button is.

.................poooooooooooooffff....................

"I know technically 5/10 is average but I’ve always understood that 7/10 is your starting point if you’re being polite"

Exactly. Objectively, 5-6/10 is perfectly okay! Its just we're used to people artificially inflating other's ratings (among those who use this sort of thing) to be polite or flatter them. Is he normally the sort of guy who's bluntly honest even when that's not completely appropriate?

On the other hand he's almost certainly not 7-8. Very few men would be that good looking. Is he really that delusional and arrogant? Or was he joking? It all depends on the context.

Although come to think of it the best response if someone asks you their rating is to say something like "I don't believe in reducing anyone to a number".

Wouldn't matter what number he said - even calling me a 7/8/9, or calling an entirely different woman a lower number, betrays an attitude of sexist commodification of a fellow human being. Would be a deal breaker.

God, why are people even discussing it, "5-6 out of 10 is ok". No one should be rating anyone. It ranks alongside, "punching above his/weight" as a signifier of arseholery.

OP, the comment would upset me and play on my insecurities, but at the same time I'd be glad he'd shown himself and I'd feel I was well rid.

No one should be rating anyone.

Yes but people do.

Men especially are conditioned to think like this even if they don't articulate it.

Women do it too.

Everyone does it subconciously. It's genetic. If you are heterosexual, you are biologically programmed to mate with the best genetic example of the opposite sex - and people broadly pair up within a +/- 1 or 2 degrees of attractiveness. Extreme wealth or fame may interfere with this where youth and beauty gets traded but for most of the rest of us, it's true.

It's why Giselle Bunchen married Tom Brady and not a John McCrirrick look a like.

The issue here isn't rating people the issue here is Op's ex being vile. It's putting you down for no reason. If you are so unattractive, why was he with you in the first place if he is such a sex god? Answer is you probably are about the same and perfectly find - he was saying nasty stuff to damage your self esteem. Of coures it's upsetting but you need to see past it for what it is - absolute rubbish.

I hope you laughed at him when he rated himself

What a dickhead

What an utter arse

He was trying to make you feel bad, don't let it work. What a fucking twat.

This is such a male (bordering on fucking incel) thing. Men rate a Victoria's Secret model at a 10, and think they can actually achieve this, a supermodel at an 8-9, a ballerina around 6-7, I think a 5-6 is still pretty hot. I don't think I know any women at least my age (late) mid-40's who have ever done this shit. Yes, we find guys attractive or not, even if we've been boringly married forever, we can appreciate the view objectively, but we don't compare one to another like that. It's more yes or no. Also, we modify by saying something like "He's not my type, but he's a really nice bloke", or "He's got a great smile", etc....

Also, they may look like a skinny, pale, hairy maggot, and stand naked in front of a mirror pulling poses, and somehow still be capable of convincing themselves that they look like an Adonis.

We may have a bit of left over baby belly and some cellulite, some bingo wings, and we spend ages in front of the mirror, squeezing it, dieting, refusing to go out in public, on beaches without marquee-like cover-ups and feeling gruesome. Pretty sure that reflects in how we respond to each other as well.

OP just because someone says something doesn't make it correct! The Queen isn't loaded BTW. Usually people who say things like he did suffer with low esteem and by putting you down are trying to make themselves feel better. I wouldn't waste anymore time thinking about it. The man was an utter prick.

Oddly enough this was what my first BF rated me as. Now this was about 30-odd years ago and being marked out of 10 was rather less unacceptable then, but yes, I think 'He's not that into you' is a polite way of putting it.

I stayed with him for 22 months. About 20 months too long, looking back. He didn't want to take me inter-railing either because I would 'change the atmosphere' apparently. Don't hang on like I did - get rid.

they may look like a skinny, pale, hairy maggot.

Was this said in a joking way or was he being serious? If he was being serious then what an absolute mug. Of course that's going to play on your mind.

I had an ex once that told me he thought his gf before me was prettier than me. What's up with these fools? Get in the bin ffs

Sexist, insecure idiot. If a man said that to me I'd laugh in his face, give him the rating he deserves then show him the door - fast. I'm uninterested in stupid people and what they have to say. Life's too short to waste on dickheads. So much nicer when you eject them from your orbit.

100% this would play on my mind and make me lose my self confidence and make me wonder if he finds other women attractive. It’ll end up being toxic for you!

yes he rated himself as a 7/8.

😂😂 Oh God. They’re just priceless aren’t they? Tell him to get over himself. The arsehole.

Classic negging.
Manipulative fucker.
Block and delete.

As many people have said, 6 in looks is above average. I admit, the most handsome man I have been with may have been a 7 and I consider myself between a 5 and a 7 depending on the day 😂

Now, stupidity aside, I would never tell my partner anything like less that "I think you are the most attractive person, you have this quality and that other one that makes me love you, etc.". Rating someone in a scale is childish and the intention here seems to put you down. So it is not how you look, the "rating" you below him is keeping you in line telling you how nobody else will look at you and how lucky you are to be with him who is a 7. Manipulative and a straight arse.

Classic negging

@BlockedAndDeleted. Yes, I think you're right. We've all been on the wrong track here. This is probably quite deliberate negging, a PUA (pick up artist) technique. And it worked. Kind of anyhow. It made her feel insecure as intended, but she still broke up with him.

I would have thinkt (doomf...doomf..doomf...another one bites the dust) who instigated a ratings conversation?