Marriages that last less than a year

[gh15]

My not so old marriage seems to be falling apart fast... please can people make me feel better about short lived marriages and that there is life after this?

Hi. I'm 9 months out of a 5 month marriage after a long term relationship. I promise you there is a life on the other side although short term be prepared to feel awful. My husband left me for a colleague at work so it was not my decision but now I'm happier than ever x

A friend's lasted 6 months and we were all so pleased when she left! It took her about the same amount of time to get over it and be back to her happy self with hope for the future. It is better to make a short mistake than hang on because of pride or embarrassment and waste time in hell!

Mine lasted less than a year as I found out he had been cheating. It is now almost 10 years on and I have been happily remarried for over two years, together for four in total. Life does go on

I left my husband around 1 year of marriage.

I went through the worst time of my life to leave him but it was easily the best thing I've ever done!!!!
I now have 2 beautiful children and met a man that adores me and loves me to bits.

Best desicion I ever made.

I hope all turns out how you would like and life gets better

op i've got a few pals who are in the throes of divorcing their husbands after less than a year of marriage (all late 20s). all are absolutely thriving already. there's definitely life after (and dare i say it) a better one.
for you at a hard time.

I had an horrendous first year of marriage - won't go into the details - we'd been together almost 6 years before we married but it all went wrong within 6 months of the ceremony! I just couldn't understand it. We had a break from each other for a week or so and both decided we wanted to work at it (we re still together now!)

I think the pressure of realising that you've signed up to a higher level of commitment is what causes the issues and it takes time to settle

So long as no cheating/abuse involved I think that most marriages can recover from a rocky patch if you're both committed to working through it

Hey how long were you together before you got married?

My friend left her first marriage after about 8 months. He was a twat, she was much happier after she left him and moved into a houseshare with other women from work.

She met her now dp a few months later, they moved in together, had 3 dcs, been together nearly 30 years now. Still not married, because they had both been burned with early, very short marriages and didn't want to do that again. They do still seem incredibly happy together though, I can't see them ever splitting up.

Thanks for all the replies. We were together 2 and a half years so not long enough I realise now. Everything moved quicker because I have a seriously ill parent, and after we got engaged we had to move the wedding forward for this reason but I started having doubts. I tried to speak to people but they said it was normal and I felt I couldn't let anyone down because it's what all the family were focusing on during a difficult time.

I tried discussing this with dh before the wedding and we thought we resolved things for now. After the wedding some of the bigger issues didn't resolve (such as sex life, we have been married a few months and have barely had sex) despite repeated attempts to discuss this with him and promises from him it will get better nothing has changed. We also are just arguing about what we want from life now and I'm realising we want vastly different things. I feel so ashamed of what people would think and feel like a complete failure.

The reason I ask was that a few ppl I've seen have ended a year long marriage after 8 or 10 years together, almost like it's the final way to make their relationship work.

I don't think it's too soon at all to get married. The issue was the doubts you had and it sounds like you felt it was too far down the line to turn back and stop it. Also it sounds like your partner didn't really listen to your doubts.

So you want to make it work?

Omg please don't feel ashamed x

Truthfully I'm not even sure if I do anymore now. I'm only 27 and have tried desperately to get our sex life back on track over the past few months but it's just crap. And he's become a little controlling too, not happy about me going to spend time with friends etc. Not stopping me but making comments about it. But what would people think? I just feel everyone would hate me. We also own a house together so I feel trapped

A house together can be halved...you’ve no children (I assume) so it would be an easy time to leave now. Please don’t waste any more of your time in a unhappy relationship...if it’s hard now it won’t survive other challenges in life. You’re actually in your prime at 27...don’t waste it with a shitty relationship. Also, don’t stay because you’re worried about other people’s opinions. Once they know you’ve separated it will be old news in one week...be strong! Big hugs to you xx

What do people think? This is a v bad way to lead your life - it has got you into this messy marriage too soon and it seems it is also what is keeping you there.

Those who matter won’t care.
Those who care don’t matter.

Seriously - live by YOUR feelings, YOUR gut. There is no shame here - the only shame should be held by those who quashed your concerns for their own personal comfort.

There is no way you should be living with a shit sex life at 67 never mind 27. Move on quickly.

I would also suggest sooner rather than later as if you have a parent with a terminal illness - you do not want to be in this unsupportive and unfulfilling relationship when you are knee deep in grief.

Sod what ppl think and you'll get respect I can assure you if you have the courage to leave.

As you know your sex life shouldn't be in trouble at this stage and he's probably showing his true colours now that you are married.

Decide on your exit plan.
Organise accommodation to move to
Make sure you've got a bit of money saved so you can move easily
You don't need everyone knowing.

I left after two months. Like you Id voiced my concerns beforehand, there was a build up- but people kept saying it was cold feet , I felt I couldn't let everyone down, I pretended it was just he pressure etc.

It was a long time coming and the reasons we were together weren't good ones. Convenience more than anything else. It's been 14 years. I'm remarried and so happy.

Please don't stay for nothing. Don't settle because of pressure to conform

We were together 11 years and married a year and 10 days when he came home and told me he didn’t love me anymore .. 28 and getting divorced a year after marriage I was embarrassed, mortified and petrified and I honestly thought I would NEVER smile again.
It’s now 16 months since he left.. and I can tell you that he did me a favour. I have been dating the most wonderful man for 8 months (completely unexpected 10 months after the breakup).
I promise you life does go on, it’s shit and hurts like hell.. I still have days where I’m sad my marriage failed and I’m sure I’ll always have some scars and triggers but life can and does go on xxxx

Forgot to say we also had a mortgage and owned a house together, trust me you’re not trapped.. anything can be got out of. I was fortunate enough to be able to buy my ex out of the house (although he didn’t put ANY deposit in and walked away with half of the equity which was over £50,000 because we was married and the agreement i’d had drawn up before we got married to protect the deposit was no longer valid). I know exactly how you’re feeling, it’s so scary but don’t be ashamed honestly 16 months on and I’m pleased he broke my heart because I’m stronger than ever. You will be too, don’t settle just because you’re scared or worried about what others might think.

Long term relationship, short term marriage here.

I’m now 4 years down the line, I work hard, bring up 2DCs and have an amazing partner.

For me it was the hardest and best decision I ever made.

I was with my exh for 12 years - 11th year we got married 6 months later divorced lol hope this helps... sometimes don’t fix what isn’t broken I guess x

Our marriage lasted 6 months before I found out he cheated and always had since he met me.
We were not together for long, after a year we were engaged, then married the next year.
I was never one to want to get married, but he made out it was very important for him and I loved him and truly believed we were going to be together forever.
We finally split today officially. 10 months after we got married, but the marriage was over when I found out he cheated. I didn't want to be someone who had such a short marriage, for people to talk about my failed marriage, to judge me. And I still loved him so much so I tried to forgive him.
But the longer I tried and waited (also no sex here with him promising to change it), the more I knew it was over.
It didn't hurt any less when it was over and he left. Its taken me 6 weeks to accept what has happened and know it's best and I still wish we could just be happy together and none of this happened.
But he did so much. Affairs, online dating, constant porn and caming girls while we were downstairs (sometimes kids upstairs in their rooms next to the bathroom he used to cam in!!!). Secret online accounts, etc etc.
He was never the man I loved.

Oh get out love. If he is jealous of your friends that is a massive red flag. You need someone who s glad you have a good social life not some leech on your backside sucking the life out of you. Hun cut your losses and find the man you deserve not this rotterXx

Get out now before kids get involved and it becomes much harder.

Thanks everyone. Even though I totally know it's not right at all it seems impossible to have to tell everyone, and even though he knows things are crap he wouldn't want this. Can I ask, is it the initial decision that is the hardest part, or the actual separation/divorce process?