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Original poster

Exp won't let son take adhd medication

30 replies

Mum2boys1girl · 01/09/2019 16:36

Are son just been diagnosed with adhd and given medication for but his dad my ex tells me he ain't having and I best not give it him either. He all of sudden wants a meeting with his school and camhs. Even though he has had plenty of opportunity to go to them as I had monthly meetings since January. What do I do? We have 50/50 custody not by courts

OP posts:
Directionless2019 · 01/09/2019 17:53

How old is your son?

SandyY2K · 01/09/2019 18:03

I'd talk to your GP and ask for their help.

They (or a specialist) prescribed the meds and if his dad is preventing him from taking it, you likely have a safeguarding issue, which they can help with.

They may signpost you to SS or do a SG referral.

TheIcecreamLady · 01/09/2019 19:03

I would not give my children adhd medication. In my mind that’s their personalities and if they are hyperactice we are the ones who have to deal with it as their parents, not fill them with narcotics to which they will get addicted.
I think my opinion is unpopular and I accept everyone else’s, I hope nobody gets offended.

Why he doesn’t want to give him the medicine?

Taffydog · 01/09/2019 19:14

ADHD medication doesn’t affect my sons personality but since he’s been taking it he’s able to enjoy life far more as he’s more settled and calmer during the day. He’s happier and so much less aggressive and tells me he loves taking it as he’s not getting into trouble so much and gets on with other children so much better. Less of the guilt trip and rubbish about filling them with addictive narcotics please!!

I would stand firm, the consultant would not prescribe it on a whim and if CAMHS are involved he’s clearly struggling - you’re being the responsible parent by doing everything you can to help and support him. Keep everyone informed of his dads reaction and good luck.

SandyY2K · 01/09/2019 19:34

He actually can't prevent what you do when you're with your son.

Soontobe60 · 01/09/2019 19:41

I would not give my children adhd medication. In my mind that’s their personalities and if they are hyperactice we are the ones who have to deal with it as their parents, not fill them with narcotics to which they will get addicted.

It isn't addictive, it ensures that they can function in a way that ensures they can learn. You obviously haven't been in a situation where it's advised. Before you talk rubbish, educate yourself about it.

OP, you need to speak to the hospital about this. Your ex is refusing to allow you to give your child a medication that is prescribed under very strict regulations. He's the one in the wrong and has t got a leg to stand in.

PickAChew · 01/09/2019 19:53

Such an ignorant post, @TheIcecreamLady

For many people with ADHD, there is only so much behaviour management that can be done. For kids whose behaviour is beyond managing firm expectations, plenty of exercise and checklists, appropriate medication helps them to function without feeling like a nuisance or feeling frustrated at not achieving things (and I'm not talking about missing out on A* here, I'm talking about not being able to put pen to paper because executive functioning is so severely impaired.) Appropriate medication can make the difference between being able to practice some self management techniques and not. Teens and young adults with unmanaged ADHD are more likely to engage in risk taking behaviour and more likely to self medicate.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 01/09/2019 20:01

I would immediately inform all agency's involved in your sons care of this situation GP/Consultant/Camhs/School etc. This will impact the effectiveness of any previously agreed health and support plan.

Health professionals will have experience of this as many parents struggle with the decision whether to medicate their children or not. There is often no right or wrong decision as each child is different. Some parents decide to medicate during the school week but not during weekends/holidays, I'm not sure of the medical opinion on this but would this perhaps be an option that your husband would consider as a compromise?

Your sons school also need to be informed as support strategies may be in place and might need to be changed according to his needs. I would imagine that your son could struggle if he has no consistency and is on then off medication constantly.

Is there a reason that your ex has not attended any previous meetings?

When you say that your ex said "I best not give it him either" was it said in a calm way as he is really concerned for your sons welfare or was it said in an aggressive way as a warning?

I assume the reason that you have made the difficult decision that your son will benefit from medication is that you are in possession of all of the facts that have been discussed during various multi disciplinary team meetings regarding how best to go forward with your sons care. At the moment your ex is not in possession of these facts and therefore is not making an informed decision. If he had attended all meetings and then decided he did not wish your son to take medication that is a totally different scenario.

Omniverse · 01/09/2019 20:05

What a turd he is mum, your poor ds Sad.

You may have to stop contact as he is being abusive towards your ds by negligence.

Your ds has the human right to have access to medication perscribed to him by health professionals.

I would advise you to email camhs, his gp, school and the mash team (mash, safeguarding hub). Do one email and send it to his medication prescriber and cc in all of these other agencies. This demonstrates transparency, flags up the issie to everybody involved with keeping your ds safe and keeps everyone in the loop.

Omniverse · 01/09/2019 20:06

*issue

Isadora2007 · 01/09/2019 20:10

I would check if it is a fast acting medication as tbh if it is (and many are) it won’t really matter overall if he doesn’t give it to your son (and his son) when he is with him. It will only affect the behaviour for that single day as the fast release ones last around 8 hours.

Sorrysorrysosorry · 01/09/2019 20:38

I would not give my children adhd medication. In my mind that’s their personalities and if they are hyperactice we are the ones who have to deal with it as their parents

Happy for you if your child is able to fully focus on class work without meds but mine can’t even write half a page in a day without them.

Mine also can’t focus long enough to do anything without meds’ and constantly, unintentionally, hurts people (me/friends/people walking down the street) as can’t even walk in a straight line without meds so constantly bumps/trips/stands on people’s feet.

We do give regular days off -weekends/half term) as it does suppress appetite.

The assessor said DC was the most hyperactive child she had ever seen in 11 years of doing her job.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/09/2019 20:48

I would check if it is a fast acting medication as tbh if it is (and many are) it won’t really matter overall if he doesn’t give it to your son (and his son) when he is with him. It will only affect the behaviour for that single day as the fast release ones last around 8 hours.

This

travellersglitch · 01/09/2019 20:51

@TheIcecreamLady your views are pretty ignorant tbh. I hope to god you aren't a mum!

TheIcecreamLady · 01/09/2019 21:16

Well thanks for taking my opinion so well. You should open your minds and understand that is not always your way or no other way. People get offended from everything nowadays.

BarleyBreathing · 01/09/2019 21:26

Could it be given at school on your Exs days? One of my DC has a different medication kept at school in the office as sometimes needs a dose during the day. Not sure if you can do this with adhd medication.

slipperywhensparticus · 01/09/2019 21:29

Loving how people with zero experience of an adhd child sees fit to shove their opinion in

Get support off the gp and children's services denying him medical treatment can be classed as abuse (as it should be)

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/09/2019 23:59

Get support off the gp and children's services denying him medical treatment can be classed as abuse (as it should be)

Errrrrr I have a child with ADHD and meds have been suggested and DH and I are holding off for now. It's not child abuse Hmm

slipperywhensparticus · 02/09/2019 08:19

One parent has a child on meds and one parent off it is abusive to me because you get side effect coming off and going on it's not healthy for the child

I'm not talking about rational adults who have discussed things here OP clearly thinks the child needs medication and dad doesn't and is mucking about with it you make the best decisions for your children

Original poster
Mum2boys1girl · 02/09/2019 08:28

Thank for your replies. The medication is a fast acting one 8hours. And with meetings he just wasn't interested in going to them. Am going to phone camhs today to see what they say. My son is 9 soon and has really struggled in school he finds it hard to concentrate and sitting down he has one to one in most lessons. He really behind in class like 3years behind everyone. His dad just doesn't want anything up with him.

OP posts:
SVRT19674 · 02/09/2019 08:39

Do you think your husband is in denial? I have seen this before with men. It seems some of them find it complicated to handle that their boy isn't as healthy and perfect as they would like. By not acknowledging there is a problem, they sort of hope it will go away. He may be the first who needs counseling.

slipperywhensparticus · 02/09/2019 08:43

My ex denies there is anything wrong with our youngest which is bizarre because he was determined there were issues with our eldest child my youngest cant read his own name out of context he has been at school for four years going into year two and is still at nursery level for many things but apparently no there is nothing wrong with "his boy"

Cath2907 · 02/09/2019 09:36

My sister is an adult with ADHD and my niece also has ADHD. Both are medicated. My sister tells me the meds don't change her personality - they just allow her to focus. She feels more in control of herself and can actually complete things she started. They mean she isn't continually frustrated and feeling as if she has "failed".

My niece is also now fine with her meds. In the initial stages of diagnosis and early treatment the morning dose would cause her mood to be very down and flat for half an hour which was a bit sad to see. however tweaking of the dosage and lowering the morning dose but introducing an afternoon top up means she is now still the happy, bouncy, excited kid we love all day. It is just that she can join regular school classes without disrupting them, forgetting where she is supposed to be and just walking out, leaping up and singing loudly, twirling on the spot and generally being a bit nuts. She is happier as her classmates find her easier and she has more friends. She is also happy that she is doing better in school, has finally learned to read and write well now she can sit still for 5 minutes. She doesn't like days without her meds - she says she feels out of control.

For those who wouldn't medicate I'd question how many ADHD sufferers you know. The meds do not turn them into zombies, they aren't addictive, they don't change a persons personality... they just allow them to focus and control themselves so they can better enjoy what life has to offer.

Cath2907 · 02/09/2019 09:40

You also don't get side effects from coming on and off the meds. If you don't take them for the day then you just don't get the calming effect for that day. They normally only last 8 hrs and you can watch them wear off. My niece is fine until 4:30pm and then the volume doubles instantly!

My sister works shifts so she has to juggle her meds so the best concentration is in her system during work hours she doesn't take them at 7am every morning and that works fine.

If OPs ex won't medicate his son that means his son will have days where he functions better in school and days where he is like he is now. Confusing for teachers and other kids and for the OPs son.

Personally I would not allow him to have overnights during the week unless he agreed (and actually followed through on medication). That way you give the pill every morning. If your ex wants to complain he can take you to court. Just keep records of the discussion and then tell the judge that he can't have the kid overnight because he refuses to provide medication.

JustmeandtheKIDS2 · 03/09/2019 22:08

I've had similar issues with my ex but not adhd medication. I suspect it's not seen as abuse but the inconsistency in care would be seen as a huge consern.