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Original poster

What will happen if I involve the police (stalking)

51 replies

Tiredoptimist · 01/09/2019 00:49

Brief overview. Separated from H due to paranoid jealous behaviour. He is stalking me on SM but now I have reason to believe there may be a tracker in my car. Going to look tomorrow. If I’m correct then I am thinking of contacting the police. Are they likely to just log it down or actually visit him or more?

OP posts:
nancy75 · 01/09/2019 01:01

My boss was stalked, I would advise reporting now if there is a tracker. Boss reported 3 or 4 incidents before they really did much (they did then go and see the stalker)

Inebriati · 01/09/2019 01:03

Both trackers and stalking are illegal, so they should take that seriously and talk to him. you can ask if you have enough evidence for an injunction.

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/harassment-and-the-law/

paladinservice.co.uk

MrsGarethSouthgate · 01/09/2019 01:25

I would expect him to be arrested if there is a tracker on your car. We certainly would.

BlankTimes · 01/09/2019 03:13

Are you activating the location on your phone so he can track you that way?

Check the car as well though, to be doubly sure.

Original poster
Tiredoptimist · 01/09/2019 07:37

Phone seems fine. No location etc on and locked iphone he does not have access to.
I shouldn’t give a damn but don’t really want him arrested for the sake of the kids and for my safety afterwards if that makes sense to anyone.
I think I’ll have no choice though. Going to look after coffee.

OP posts:
Chaosandmadness · 01/09/2019 08:00

The police had a quiet word with my ex initially when he was stalking and harassing me earlier this year. There was enough evidence for an arrest but I asked them just to speak to him in the hope that would end things (It didnt). Keep a record of every thing he is doing with dates and times as the police need to see a pattern of behaviour. I hope everything is ok

Mummacake · 01/09/2019 08:47

Report it. The links above to Paladin, the stalking charity, are also useful. Stalking is a precursor to further abusive behaviours, often violence. Police should/will have a word which will either deter him or he'll get worse and things will escalate. Either way, it needs to be recorded for your safety& the safety of your children. I've been where you are and frankly it was terrifying. My ex continues to abuse his current gf even tracking her in her own home by installing tiny cameras on photo frames. Moral of that story, don't let him into your home as there may be hidden cameras.

Original poster
Tiredoptimist · 01/09/2019 10:23

Yes, there is a tracker in my car. Left it there for now.
If he is arrested the fall out to the kids will be devastating.
I am genuinely undecided what course of action to take.

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 01/09/2019 10:24

If there’s a fallout it’s of his own making and tbf is he really the kind of person you want in their life?

aweedropofsancerre · 01/09/2019 10:44

He is dangerous and you need to protect yourself and your DC. Call the police and report it....

AMAM8916 · 01/09/2019 18:12

Phone the police. He's put a tracker in your car and that's illegal. What has he done that for? It could be to track you when you go somewhere quiet and he will do god knows what. You never know

Mummacake · 01/09/2019 18:14

It is frightening but you have evidence if stalking and no doubt there are other issues which you haven't raised here. This man is a danger to you and your children. Whatever the police choose to do, which is not likely to be much tbh, you need to plan safe exit from this relationship. Contact your local Women's Aid for support. Be very careful. Do not let him know that you've discovered the tracker but do inform the police. You need to be very very careful as this usnow a time of significant risk for you and your children.

Hellbentwellwent · 01/09/2019 18:27

Op you need to phone the police. Think about it what is his motivation for putting a tracker on your car? There is no reasonable explanation. He may try to gaslight you into believing he put it there to keep an eye on you so if you got stuck somewhere he would be able help or some such bullshit but the only reason he did it is to abuse you. How did you come to suspect that there was a tracker? Was it because he said things that scared you or made you uncomfortable? Or kept turning up at places you didn’t expect to see him at, making you scared or uncomfortable? Either of the above = abusive controlling and intimidating behaviour, which will only escalate if left unchecked. Get it reported, get it logged and get him warned off

CMOTDibbler · 01/09/2019 18:29

I think that when things escalate this much you must go to the police as it is an escalation of risk to you (and possibly the children). Not to scare you but this BBC report describes the escalation ladder of abuse, and stalking is step 5 of 8

Windmillwhirl · 01/09/2019 18:33

What made you think there would be a tracker? Start writing all his behaviour down so when you go to the ice you have a of everything.

He has broken the law. You shouldn't be protecting him. It's quite scary he has done this.

Windmillwhirl · 01/09/2019 18:34

Police*

Original poster
Tiredoptimist · 01/09/2019 19:12

Thank you. We are separated and have joint custody (informal). Our son adores him.
He has always believed I have had affairs throughout our marriage. (I did not). The tracker is to find out where I am meeting imaginary men.
He is paranoid which is why we have split up.
I agree I need to involve the police but also for the safety of myself and my children I need to be careful about this and choose the timing.

OP posts:
Reindeerssmellbetter · 01/09/2019 19:53

You need to contact the police. He needs to be stopped before he escalates things.

CandyLeBonBon · 01/09/2019 20:03

Op I had similar last year and the trial was in March. He was convicted of stalking and harassment. I contacted the police every single time something happened. They were very good and supportive also. But it was stressful and you need a good support network.

I agree with others though. This is of his making and therefore any consequences are down to him. In the first instance the police will probably give him a caution and that may be enough. If not, (as in my case) it will escalate.

Omniverse · 01/09/2019 20:28

He is dangerous, you would be wise to phone this situation in to the police.

You may need a paper trail so log everything.

CIareIsland · 01/09/2019 20:31

I can’t understand what the negative impact would be in your DC if you report him? I can see a positive one though for you and your DC and maybe even your X as he may be out back in line or encouraged to deal with a MH issue.

Don’t minimise this act - it is a crime because it indicates dangerous behaviour that escalates on its own momentum.

Cantcopewithheranymore · 01/09/2019 20:35

Jesus H Christ call the Police NOW!!!

Gingernaut · 01/09/2019 20:36

It has escalated.

Please follow the advice given by previous posters.

He's tracking your whereabouts and is dangerous.

CIareIsland · 01/09/2019 20:47

That link CMOT is groundbreaking new research that allows Police to identify the highest risk perpetrators of abuse.....and it is those that add stalking - you are in this zone OP. Read to the end - these men often hurt their children to devastate their X.

Grambler · 01/09/2019 20:52

I think you are asking the wrong question. What will happen if you don't involve the police?

There won't just be the tracker you have found. You need help.