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Original poster

What will happen if I involve the police (stalking)

51 replies

Tiredoptimist · 01/09/2019 00:49

Brief overview. Separated from H due to paranoid jealous behaviour. He is stalking me on SM but now I have reason to believe there may be a tracker in my car. Going to look tomorrow. If I’m correct then I am thinking of contacting the police. Are they likely to just log it down or actually visit him or more?

OP posts:
aweedropofsancerre · 01/09/2019 20:52

Your DH has pathological jealousy which places you at an increased risk. Call the police and stop waiting

PhonicTheHedgehog · 01/09/2019 20:56

Please contact the police.

Then contact www.suzylamplugh.org

Then read this book
the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker

Flowers
FlowerTink · 01/09/2019 21:16

Another one saying please call the police now before it escalates any further.

MitziK · 01/09/2019 21:52

He's interfered with your car to install a tracker.

What if he uses it to find you when you're alone? Or next time he has DC, he decides to interfere with the brakes?

You must tell the police. For your safety.

Cherrysoup · 01/09/2019 21:53

Whatever the police choose to do, which is not likely to be much tbh, you need to plan safe exit from this relationship.

Are you for real? On a 999 call, police will divert for a case of a vulnerable woman. They take stalking incredibly seriously. Also, she’s already left him.

FlowerTink · 01/09/2019 21:56

My concern would be that if he's put a tracker in your car, then what else has he done or is potentially planning to do? You need the police to get this under control

7yo7yo · 01/09/2019 23:07

This has give me the chills.
Men like this will go to any lengths to destroy their “possession” to him, that’s what you are.
Please please call the police ASAP.
If you don’t want to remove the tracker, take a taxi everywhere.
Get someone to come and stay with you and avoid meeting him privately.

WantingMoreFromLife · 02/09/2019 00:36

OP, where did you find the tracker. I'm in a similar position and want to check my car but I'm not really sure what I'm looking for. The internet doesn't give much insight with a lot of 'could be in this place' and 'could look like this' etc.

Monday55 · 02/09/2019 06:50

He is going to kill you! This was literally on the news less than a week ago.

The eight steps she discovered in almost all of the 372 killings she studied were :

A pre-relationship history of stalking or abuse by the perpetrator

The romance developing quickly into a serious relationship

The relationship becoming dominated bycoercive control

A trigger to threaten the perpetrator's control - for example, the relationship ends or the perpetrator gets into financial difficulty

Escalation - an increase in the intensity or frequency of the partner's control tactics, such as by stalking or threatening suicide

The perpetrator has a change in thinking - choosing to move on, either through revenge or by homicide

Planning - the perpetrator might buy weapons or seek opportunities to get the victim alone

Homicide - the perpetrator kills his or her partner, and possibly hurts others such as the victim's children

SinkGirl · 02/09/2019 07:06

OP, I’ve been in a different situation involving abuse where I refused to talk to the police (I was a teenager at the time, and it was a family member). I have regretted it all my adult life. You are at risk and so are your children. I know it may not feel that way from the inside, which is why so few abusers are reported and why it can be hard to extricate yourself from them. But you really are at risk.

Don’t think about how this will harm your children - think about how this will keep them safe, and you (their primary career) safe. If god forbid something happened to you at his hands, what would happen to your children? You can’t sit on this information. You can’t ignore it and hope it will stop. He won’t stop unless he is forced to.

Bobbiepin · 02/09/2019 07:18

My dad committed a crime against my mum when she left him (not directly stalking related but not a million miles away) and we called the police but my mum wouldn't press charges. He's never taken responsibility for his actions or the impact it had on me. I watched my mum terrified of him and what he could do and he thinks it's all a big joke. PLEASE call the police. Show your children this is not an appropriate way to behave and that you and them deserve to be treated with respect.

category12 · 02/09/2019 07:27

Op, you need to involve the police and get legal advice, get a non-molestation order or something on the basis of this tracker etc. Holding off means he may escalate at any time and you'll have no idea what triggered it. Speak to professionals ASAP.

BeaverPeron · 02/09/2019 07:28

OP I was going to refer to the 8 steps that someone has linked to upthread. It will escalate. Police may just log it down at this stage (depends how enlightened they are) but push for action.

AmIThough · 02/09/2019 07:37

He has put a tracker on your car - no stable person does that.
Please contact the police.

Original poster
Tiredoptimist · 02/09/2019 07:41

@WantingMoreFromLife It needs a power source so will need to be wired up to battery (mine has the obvious engine one and a power supply in the boot). It will be about matchbox size. Remove the boot lining, spare wheel etc and check everywhere. Likewise with the engine...make sure car switched off! Also try (you’ll need gloves, it’s oily!) under sills and wheel arches etc. If poss get a torch and get underneath and have a good look.

Thank you to everyone for the concern. I am not taking this lightly and have told and shown many people around me.

This has been in my car for probably 5 months, so although I do very much appreciate the seriousness of it, will involve the police and am definitely taking steps for my personal safety, another few days is unlikely to make much difference hence I am thinking about the timing.

OP posts:
FizzyPink · 02/09/2019 07:41

Contact the police OP. When I was being harassed it took ages for the police to do anything, claimed they didn’t know their address when I could google it in 2 minutes Hmm I literally had to go into the police station and show them evidence about 3 times before they did what they said they would

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda · 02/09/2019 08:23

Why do you need to wait? Is it because he has the DC now?

If he has put a tracker on your car, but could he have installed a keylogger on your phone/tablet/computer?

SaveKevin · 02/09/2019 08:33

I am another who thinks the tracker won’t be the only thing he’s done. When you google what surveillance stuff there is it’s scary.

ChuckleBuckles · 02/09/2019 10:46

another few days is unlikely to make much difference

It could be the difference between you and your DC being safe or hurt OP. What exactly are you waiting for? What line has to be crossed before you act to protect your DC. You clearly think you are handling this but this tracker has been in your car for five months, what else has he done, cameras in your home, key logger on phone or computers? Please call the police today.

aweedropofsancerre · 02/09/2019 11:19

Yup and when he snaps and turns up at your door and attack’s you and possibly your DC you may change your mind about waiting. I know of a case where the estranged partner turned up months later and stabbed his wife to death and injured there daughter.... you need to stop minimising the risks here.

RushianDisney · 02/09/2019 11:32

If he has installed a tracker then he may well have key loggers on your phone or computer - I really think you should call the police today. If he knows you know what he's doing the situation could escalate rapidly.

TixieLix · 02/09/2019 11:33

Hi OP, did you get this car after leaving your H? If you had the car when you were still with him he will no doubt say he put a tracker in it so that he could find the car if it gets stolen. He'll have an excuse ready. I'd still report it though so that it's on record that he's been tracking you since you split up.

Pinkbonbon · 02/09/2019 11:37

Not sure what you are waiting for but i'd go out and film myself going to the car and show the tracker on the video. It's good that you have told people but if he finds out, he'll try to come and remove it and then your evidence will be gone. I say act now but if you can't then make sure it us well documented.

Pinkbonbon · 02/09/2019 11:40

Might be wise to check your house for hidden cameras too as if he bugged your car I wouldn't put it past him. Fake plug sockets, inside lampshades and any clocks, cuddely toys or anything he brought in just before you left him might be wise to check.

DerbyshireGirly · 02/09/2019 11:42

OP if he's been able to put a tracker on your car he absolutely could have installed something on your phone.

Does the 'casting' icon ever come up on the top status bar on your phone when it shouldn't (next to your battery, WiFi, alarm icons etc)? That's one giveaway - but only for certain types of tracking apps. I have attached the icon onto my post in case you don't know what it looks like. Keyloggers may not show anything like this.

You really need to report this asap as he could easily be aware that you're onto him now.

What will happen if I involve the police (stalking)