Called out by DH - I think it's the end

[nunnun]

My DH basically told me today that he's sick of me sponging off him and I think it's the final nail in the coffin of our marriage. He works, I don't. I call myself a housewife. Our kids are adults. He's a hard worker, I'm bone idle and often do very little all day and spend too much time on mumsnet and fbook. I don't pull my weight and I've been getting away with it for too long. I haven't had a job for so long I'm virtually unemployable. He likes to cook so I don't bother. I do not treat him with respect as much as I should. He says I'm a misery. We haven't had sex for ten years. He's mostly good-natured but can be verbally nasty to me, is critical and picks on me. I can't remember the last time we went out together in the evening or the last time we had even a weekend away. Part of me is too scared to leave because I can't face the nastiness of a divorce. But this is an awful way to live isn't it?

It sounds like you didn’t deal with your depression and a lot was left to him. It’s natural that after a time he’d lash out. He probably doesn’t recognize the depression as it’s your new “normal”.

I suggest you seek treatment for your depression and try to get some form of employment. If things don’t change I’m your marriage after that, then think about what you want in your future.

@NobodysChild 100%. Could not agree more. You have reached a place where you can't find your way back, @nunnun .

The fact that you haven't had sex in such a long time... it's a deal

No you didn't, I apologise.

I still think this is either a reverse or something else. If you're for real then it's time to leave and get a job. Find a life man.

That you might have grown out of love.

shit happens.youve got stuck.
what do you want to happen from here?
do you want to be with him?
being out of a job especially when suffring with depression can then be so scary to get back into.and half of that comes from havnig some of the old fears and beleifs the depression ingrained into you.and they spiral the longer you leave them,and then your in this endless cycle.
but it can be broken and once you start making those steps and stumbling forward through the pathways it does get easier.and you leanr of your strength and you leanr how to fail but by even failing from trying nyour suceeding!

Are you still suffering from depression?

You have written really negatively about yourself. As much as you say he’s a saint and you’re the villain, something has happened along the way and he has (jointly) allowed your marriage and self confidence to get like this. I would get divorced and you’ll probably surprise yourself and live a better, happier life.

While I think that looking into career options would be positive, I wouldn't focus so much on the "get a job" advice until you've addressed the other issues in your relationship -the lack of sex, quality time spent together, not treating each other with respect, etc.

DH and I have gone through phases of financially supporting each other, but it's the mutual respect and quality time spent together that underpins the relationship. If you want to try and save your relationship, let your DH know that you value him.

Wow. You appear to be living like a frothworthy cliche.

Well, I'd tell him to leave you too, it is no life for either of you.

Seize life by the balls, stop pissing about doing nothing.

If what he/you have said is accurate it’s hard to see what he gets out of the relationship at all really. What do YOU get out of it, other than him paying for everything? I’m sorry you’re depressed but if I was your partner I think I’d leave too.

You’re in a rut and you might be happier alone x

Have reported your Goady arse

Is this a reverse?

I think this is a real post. I feel for OP. She sounds like she suffers from serious anxiety at the thought of changing her routine as well as depression. I think this shows why its a good idea to keep working, even if just part time.

He's not perfect, he still shouldn't be so mean and nasty to her. Still I don't blame him wanting to end things. Ten years without sex? I don't think there's any recovering from that. Can he help you get a job? Also you should also immediately start taking responsibility for your own chores, such as cooking for yourself and cleaning up after yourself.

I call myself a housewife. Our kids are adults. He's a hard worker, I'm bone idle and often do very little all day and spend too much time on mumsnet and fbook. I don't pull my weight and I've been getting away with it for too long. I haven't had a job for so long I'm virtually unemployable. He likes to cook so I don't bother. I do not treat him with respect as much as I should.

Read it as it is. Honest, but if a woman wrote this about her partner we would all say 'Cunt Lodger' and 'LTB'

@KetoWithIF, what a lovely inspiring post.

What age are you OP, what would you liked to have done before raising kids or whilst raising kids or now. Is there anything you have even a slight leaning towards?

@KetoWithIF You are so inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
I am concerned with OP as she might not have that time getting the confidence and skills back post separationZ

I feel a bit worried about you because of the negative things you have said about yourself. You are going through something very stressful and you seem to have turned it on yourself.

You haven't said, but If you are feeling bad enough to think about harming yourself, please seek help.

Nothing is worth that. Others have said it may just be for the better.

You might want to ask for some help with coping emotionally with this. It sounds like you are quite isolated.

Hug for you OP.