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Original poster

Mum's absent from photos

36 replies

Rose220 · 29/08/2019 19:01

Are you the mum that's always taking photos but never in them. I am and up till recently it has started bothering me. In fact I didn't realise till my daughter was 6 months old I can count how many photos I am in with her. I love the ones I have. In fact I cherish them all but I'm a little sad there isn't more of me and her together. Do you feel the same or am I the only one who feels this way.

OP posts:

Shockers · 29/08/2019 19:07

There was a recent thread about this and a lot of mums felt the same as you do.

I find myself asking for photos of me, and then I feel self conscious and it shows. I take lovely candid photos of everyone else!

Loopytiles · 29/08/2019 19:08

This is a thing, and you can change it from now on!

ILiveInSalemsLot · 29/08/2019 19:08

Do selfies with the kids if nothing else!
That’s what I’ve started to do.

CalamityJune · 29/08/2019 19:08

No, it's really common. I don't have many and some of the ones that there are are really unflattering.

When I take photos of DS with someone, I'll snap away and take easily up to 50 photos just to get one or two where both of them look lovely. When people take them of me, they take one and I end up with 5 chins or gurning or half blinking.

Some of the nicest photos of DH and DS have been just in natural moments like bathtime or cuddling in bed in the morning. DH just wouldn't think of taking a photo unless we were doing something special.

Nobody else in my family would think to take a photo of me and DS.

VLCDoingIt · 29/08/2019 19:09

Yep.

I'm fat and I won't be in any photos.
I hate seeing myself on film.

FizzBuzzBangWoof · 29/08/2019 19:13

If I didn't take selfies or ask DH then there would be very few photos of me either alone or with the DC

It would never spontaneously occur to DH to take my photo even if I'm all dressed up for an event and looking fabulous!

SheChoseDown · 29/08/2019 19:18

Iv begged my oh to take photos.
I take spectacular ones of the whole family, everyone enjoys looking back at them. Especially of those who are no longer with us. The best pics are when people are doing something natural and not posing.
I wish photos of me and my children and family were not taken only in selfie mode

WatchingFromTheWings · 29/08/2019 19:50

I'm also the one taking all the pics! I do take lots of selfies with the kids if I'm out and about but often have to ask my DH to take pics of me doing stuff with them.

I have very few pics of me with my older 2 kids when they were small as my ExH used to purposely take shit/blurry photos or with my head cut off etc.

sippingteaquietly · 29/08/2019 19:56

Yip I’m the same hardly any pics of me with the kids or even my husband or ones of just me. I’m always the ones taking pictures.

Whenever I ask my kids for a selfie, they moan and say no. If I ask my DH to take a pic, he always moans “oh for fucks sake”.

I think it’s really sad because I hope one day they realise when I’m not here that they wish they had taken more pics of me, then again, maybe they won’t bother.

Oranges75 · 29/08/2019 20:00

This article from a few years back talked about this. www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/mom-pictures-with-kids_b_1926073/amp.

CucinaBreakfast · 30/08/2019 01:00

Yep same in my family. I've asked dh so many times to remember to take photos, and only in the last year or so (dc is 4) has he started. I find it hurtful when he says he doesn't think to take a photo, because for me it's the thought process of "aww isn't that lovely, I'll want to remember that" and he's basically saying he never gets that feeling.

His dad is a really keen photographer too, and always takes lovely candid shots so having grown up with that you'd think he'd be more likely to!

It's sad. I get so excited when theres a nice one (non selfie) of me and dc which shows they're pretty rare.

notangelinajolie · 30/08/2019 01:02

No I'm not in photos but that's because I don't want to be in them.

squeekums · 30/08/2019 01:16

i avoid the camera, im self conscious and feel i look hideous on film

C0untDucku1a · 30/08/2019 01:23

I told my dh, and mil separately, that i worry if i die the children will have nothing but selfies of us as it never occurs to him to take a
Photo of me. My dd took two candid photos of me and the dog on her new phone last week. Maybe now she has a camera phone i might stand a chance of getting on photos.

We once went on a night walk with FIL, me dh and the children. Fil in a keen photographer. He must have sent dh over fifty photos the following week of the walk. We were all walking together. I was either carrying a child or pushing the other in the pram the whole time. My right hand appears on one photo. For dd’s homebirth i organised everything we needed. Got the camera ready etc. I didnt actually lol at what photos had been taken (pre camera phone) for about four days. When i did i cried. Dh had taken photos of the birthpool he put up. There were photos of dh and dd i had taken. Not one photo of me. None at all.

Tell him to take photos. Tell him and tell him again.

karenbokaren · 30/08/2019 01:23

I'm not in many with ds but not because dh doesn't take photos, he's a photographer. I'm just so fat and can't bear for him to take my photo.

ineedaholidaynow · 30/08/2019 01:25

For those who actively try and avoid being in the photos, please make sure you are in some.

After DF died recently I realised quite how precious photos of him are. I don’t have many of him from when I was young as he was the one with the camera. Also don’t have many photos of him with me when older as I am now the person with the camera.

Shockers · 30/08/2019 02:02

I love looking at photos of my mum now. She died last October. I wish there were more of us together.

Hidingtonothing · 30/08/2019 02:22

I've just asked round my family for any they have of me with DD as a baby because I realised I don't have a single one I do dodge photos (I am not photogenic!) but have promised myself I will stop. DM has found three and I suspect they will be the only ones.

FuriousVexation · 30/08/2019 06:38

I have very few photos of my parents as both of them were of the "arrrrgh no photos" school. Also they hated each other, but that's a seperate issue.

Nowadays with smart phones, rather than having to send your roll of film to the chemist to be developed, there's really no excuse for not having enough photos of someone unless they are the "arrrrrgh no photos" type.

Deathraystare · 30/08/2019 10:54

I am not a mum but suddenly realised that in most family shots I was missing! I was normally the one taking the photos! Ho hum. Just the way it is but you mums can either do selfies (no way am I doing that!) or ask someone else to take pictures of you and the kids.

NataliaOsipova · 30/08/2019 10:57

I got really upset with my DH about this. There are virtually no photos of me with either of our kids when they were babies/small. What really irks is that I spent so much time developing photos for my DM and MIL of them with the kids and neither of them ever thought to take a picture with me in it. I stopped providing photos to them pretty swiftly....

Loopytiles · 30/08/2019 10:59

I think moaning about taking pics of partners and DC is a red flag that a man is an arse!

An option is to ask the DC, or friends/family, to take some. I often do this for a friend whose DH is an arse.

SignedUpJust4This · 30/08/2019 12:06

I would love more photos of me and my children. However my husband is incapable of thinking of me unless I ask him to. Then he suddenly takes 20 pics right there and then when they are really forced and unnatural. I'd like him just to make an effort to capture beautiful moments as they happen. Like I do with him.

Illuminated · 30/08/2019 12:13

I am absent from them by choice. I hate photos of myself and being in photos. So I steer clear of cameras that come out.

billy1966 · 30/08/2019 13:03

Same here but have made a conscious choice to be in some of them irrespective of my dislike. I avoided the camcorder for years and was a voice only. Mainly because we were always filming in the morning and to say I was not my best in the morning is an understatement.

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