Different sleeping requirements - aargh.

[Theaspidistraiswilting]

So DH needs a totally dark, silent room and goes to bed 11.30 - midnight, gets up 9 - 10.

I need window open, prefer no curtains/blinds and go to bed 9.30 - 10 and get up 7am.

It’s becoming an issue. We are doomed aren’t we?

My dp now sleeps in another room because I apparently move around like crazy at night and stop him sleeping. I also go to bed 2/3 hours before him and would get annoyed when he woke me coming to bed. We have a perfectly happy and loving relationship but sleep in seperate beds. Works fine for us. Prioritise your sleep.

Eeek, I can't imagine how you compromise when you have such different preferences. Your dh could wear an eye mask? Could you use a fan on you rather than the window open? I could never sleep with no curtains or blind, I need it dark too... So distracting!

Sleeping mask, to keep out the light? I don’t think getting up/going to sleep at different times is a big deal if your quiet about it and not waking one another up. But if it is... dare I say separate rooms??

How in the name of christ can you sleep without curtains?!?!

Separate bedrooms.

Would windows open by curtains drawn work?
Or could you go to bed as you prefer and be draw the curtains when he comes up? ( I understand the desire for fresh air But it is hard to sleep if room is too light )
Or separate rooms is Defno a good plan x

I can't get past 9 - 10 !! Nine - ten hours sleep? Wow. That's late to be getting up for most folk.

Nope.

DP is a lark and I’m an owl. He goes to bed at 9-30-10pm and the silly bugger gets up at some ridiculous hour in the middle of the night. I wouldn’t know exactly when as I’m still fast asleep.

I go to bed about 1 on weeknights and wake up at 8, which isn’t particularly late, but I stay up late and have a nice lie in at weekends.

We have been together for 20+ years.

He doesn’t sleep well, often awake for hours which is why he stays in bed so late and self employed.

I have been known to scarper to a different bed - can you have a healthy relationship with 2 separate rooms? Always feel a bit guilty doing that but equally that there is no point in neither of us getting any sleep.

DH goes up at 10.30 - 11.00 and is up at 6am. I go up at midnight struggle to sleep before 2am. I get up around 8am (retired).

We do both prefer black out blinds though. I think your mismatch of light levels is far more of an issue than timings.

Married 38 years.

Separate bedrooms! We’ve been sleeping in separate rooms for about 5 years now and it’s made the world of difference. Our relationship is stronger because we’re both getting proper sleep, so we’re not tired and crabby all the time.

We resisted for ages because there’s such a stigma around it but honestly, it’s the best decision we made for our relationship.

DH and I can sometimes be on completely different timetables depending on shifts at work, plus he snores like you wouldn't believe.

I've got loads of stuff in the spare room as a result, and will either go in there if he's keeping me awake or just begin the night in there if our schedules clash.

We still have a great marriage and if anything we get on better if we've both slept!

Of course you can! As long as you spend time together before sleep and you make time for sex then why not?

We’ve had separate beds for the last five years now as our sleep patterns are all over the place and we keep each other awake. The separate beds no sex thing is a bit of a cliche imo - been together decades and our sex life is better than ever. Besides we prefer doing it outdoors. 😂

I have been known to scarper to a different bed - can you have a healthy relationship with 2 separate rooms?

I think if the sole reason is to get a good sleep when it’s otherwise quite impossible and the relationship is fine in every other way it shouldn’t be ‘unhealthy’.

Why can't you go to bed with curtain open etc and the he turns the lights out when he comes up and you're already asleep. Then you get up and go straight downstairs to get ready instead of waking him.

Sounds like your husband needs to get up earlier as he's spending too long in bed and that could be causing his bad sleep. If he forces himself to get up with you for a week or so he may find he's not awake so much in the night. Although he will be tired whilst he adjusts.

My husband and I always sleep separately unless we have guests staying. We're both more comfortable. When you're asleep you're unconscious anyway, you don't have to do that next to someone to be in love with them. We're really happy, still very connected, just sleep separately.

My cousins have a wonderful relationship and they have separate bedrooms.
They have been together over 30 years.
They 'visit' each other when the mood takes them.
It works really well for them.
Don't stress about it.
Just have separate rooms and see how it goes.
How you sleep with no curtains is beyond me. Winter would be OK but sun up at 4am in the Summer - I'd be wide awake!

Sex and sleep are two completely different things.

Nothing wrong with separate rooms, lots of people do it. It does not bode the end of your relationship at all. That's some weird saying from the 1950s I think, lol. If someone is preventing you from getting your rest, or vice versa, then the simple and logical solution is sleep somewhere else.

can you have a healthy relationship with 2 separate rooms?

Yes, absolutely! You can sneak into each other's beds when you're in the mood and you get a a lovely good night's sleep too!

If you are already asleep by the time he is ready for bed I don’t see that it matters where he sleeps. What’s the benefit of having someone next to you when asleep? I can’t see any. If you have the space then seperate rooms makes sense for you two.

People get total bugs up their noses about couples having separate rooms but I know lots of people who it works really well for

Lots of people sleep separately, they just don't tell you for fear of their relationship being judged. We sleep separately (due to my snoring and his flailing around) and the more couples that hear about it, the more tell me that they sleep separately too!

I think there is nothing wrong with having separate rooms. You can join each other when you feel like it but it is good to have your own space.