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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

are we living together

63 replies

Mumsy969 · 28/08/2019 16:52

My partner has stayed every night with me for the last four weeks. He has his own flat which he goes to when he finishes work to get cleaned up and changes,(he's a lorry driver). He brings round his work clothes for the next day but otherwise he leaves his clothes there and all his post goes there. We sleep in the same bed eat meals together and occasionally go out but he says we're not living together. Are we in a committed relationship or is he just using me. Thanks

OP posts:
Rachelover40 · 28/08/2019 21:33

When I posted earlier in the thread I never dreamed the op had a 13 year old son living with her. Rather tacky to let a 'newish' man sleep with you in your house when your child is there. It's not as if you've been with him for any length of time.

glittertissues · 28/08/2019 22:30

Oh my god OP please bin his arse and put your 13 year old first!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/08/2019 22:37

no nothing towards rent occasionally food shop no help with housework

Oh dear lord. Wake up. You are walking into having a cocklodger. Well, sorry, you have one already.

Why would you put up with this? Raise your boundaries.

PicsInRed · 28/08/2019 22:47

Don't use your 13 year old to excuse your relationship choices. Your 13 year old doesn't "love" Hmm this guy who has invaded his own home. He barely knows the guy.

Guests and fish stink after 3 days. This guy is a long staying cocklodging wally guest and he pongs a big reeker.

Bin (don't forget the lid). 🗑 🤭

BumbleBeee69 · 28/08/2019 22:55

yes OP you are a MUG Hmm

Everafter1 · 28/08/2019 23:31

Yes I expect him to come to mine every day, it is mutual.

If you expect him there and want him there & he's not imposing then it just comes down to what your expectations are of what he should be contributing to.

If you're doing all of the buying and all of the housework it'll probably continue that way until you decide not to or speak to him about it.

EileenAlanna · 29/08/2019 00:22

No, your son doesn't "love him to pieces" - that's on a par with all the deranged women who come on here & explain that they can't leave the cheating/violent/cocklodgers they've lumbered themselves with because they luuurve him. Your son barely knows the waster, this is what you're telling yourself to create this total fairy tale in your head.
He's moved in with you, pays nothing for his keep, probably rented his flat out to his daughter, and before long will have you handing over all your money to him even though none of it will be going to pay off all these debts he has.
Do your son a favour & kick this total waste of space out.

gamerchick · 29/08/2019 00:59

He's moved in with you, pays nothing for his keep, probably rented his flat out to his daughter

Or he's the one who's been lodging with his daughter and it was time to find a willing host to take him on.

LellyMcKelly · 29/08/2019 01:07

Nope, he’s coming to your house for a free dinner and a shag. Start asking him and asking him to bring over chicken and potatoes or whatever you want for dinner and see how l one he lasts.

LellyMcKelly · 29/08/2019 01:16

My DP has been virtually living with me for the last few months while his house is being refurbished (he’s been saving for this for 3years). In that time he’s completely redecorated the kids bedrooms, cooked dinner 2-3 times a week as he’s home before me, bought take away on Friday night, paid for weekly shops on at least half the times we’ve gone shopping together, and done his fair share of the chores. What you have is a massive cocklodger.

Grobagsforever · 29/08/2019 08:46

Your poor son, having some random man moved in out of nowhere. This is dreadful parenting OP

hellsbellsmelons · 29/08/2019 08:52

Time for a chat OP.
You need to make it clear that he is in your property every night.
He uses your electricity and water and gas and eats your food.
If he wants this to continue he needs to contribute.
He needs to give you a set amount a week and he needs to do his share of the housework.
Tell him you've worked it out and he needs to contribute £X amount.
You've been through the list of household chores and from now on he will be responsible for X, X and X.
Watch him run!

Mermaidsinthesand · 29/08/2019 09:12

He may very well be in debt, but you have a son to support. Stop taking money from your sons mouth to feed this letch.

Buck up your ideas, your son doesn't love him if he does what is there to love? A man who uses his home as a hotel?

I'd tell him straight move back into your own flat, let him date you, make you feel special. Put his hand in his pocket, not treat you like a wife

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