Scared my ex is going to kill me

[Spanckd]

I was in court recently and amazingly, they have agreed that until fact finding is done and he's deemed safe (which may never happen), he won't be seeing his son. This is what I wanted, as he is abusive and cruel and has really hurt me and my son psychologically and emotionally. The courts took it extremely seriously and were kind and understanding. My problem is, I am absolutely terrified of my ex. He is a narcissist and loves to be in control. He genuinely thought that court would go his way, but it hasn't. He's ended up with a non mol and CAFCASS telling him he cannot have access to his baby son. He is extremely aggressive and angry. He always used to tell me he wishes he could kill his ex, burn her house down, hire a hit man etc. Before the non mol he sent me threatening texts. He is an angry angry man and I am so, so scared of him. He knows where I live and I am waiting for him to just turn up anyday and do the unthinkable. I have no proof that he would ever do anything like this. I just think everyone has their breaking point and I am scared he is close to his. Is my only option to just wait and hope he doesn't do anything stupid?

As @Raphael34 says, the Police can do more. I was given a panic alarm in my house, they upgraded my locks and I eventually had a GPS tracker which I took everywhere.

There can be a flag put on your number. And there is also a scheme called cocoon watch, where they ask neighbours to keep eye out for him. It’s sounds awful, having other people know, but actually it was amazing and my neighbours could not have been more supportive and caring.

You will be ok and it does get better.

Try to vary your normal routine. Don't be predictable in where you will be every day.

You won't have to live like this forever.

I was in a similar situation; the police can do more.

My ex broke my non mol 24 times - was arrested 24 times; taken to court and let go through "lack of evidence" my word against his that he was at my home address .....

The police eventually gave me a panic alarm & a fire alarm at the front door incase he threw anything threw the letterbox.
They also got the local PCSO to cycle past my house on their rounds each day / night,

Social services also came round and did early intervention, which included looking into getting me cctv & rehousing me into a B&B or mother and baby unit to keep me safe.

It sounds like you could push the police to do more?

This is like reading about my life a few years ago..... my DS dad. We met, we had a laugh, got drunk all the time seemed perfect we were inseparable, then I fell pregnant, was on the pill, so it wasn’t intentional we were both happy with the pregnancy. Literally overnight he changed into this monster, like I’d ruined his life. Baby came over Xmas, he had 3 weeks off spent them pissed down the pub, and it was like that constantly for the next 18 months. I dread him coming home, son would scream everytime he was near him and eventually I got the courage to leave him. It wasn’t that I was scared, everyone had told me I was making a bad choice so I had a point to prove. Anyway fast forward two years after we broke up, I ended up with someone he knew, pretty hard not to as every one knows everyone. My god he was like the devil, threatening to kill me, run away with my son, calling me constant to shout at me, I was at a really low point not knowing what to do, then he tried to kill himself and he put me in a really good position to take my son away from him. He took me to court and made out like he was the perfect person, then CAFCASS interviewed us both and I was honest about his drug taking, previous relationships that he had told me off stories about him being abusive but making out like he wasn’t, and he got in trouble for lying. CAFCASS made him attend a domestic violence perpetrator program and stopped all direct contact he was only allowed indirect in forms of cards etc. He made my life hell I was terrified, the police didn’t really help, but in the end if called them so many times reporting things they went to his home and warned him. It’s been 4 years since the bastard did what he did and 3 years since he decided to walk away from the program as he couldn’t do no more and he hasn’t seen his son since. CAFCASS could see how much his behaviour had affected my little boy and they were so supportive. My advice to you is be strong, tell the truth about everything and anything you hear about him report it to your CAFCASS officer. Contact the council about your housing situation, and there are charities that can sometimes help with the cost of moving. Women’s aid couldn’t help me as he was deemed too dangerous for them to be involved, so in the end I only had my CAFCASS officer and my solicitor. Be strong and don’t let him ruin your time with your baby xx

Spanckd

I would arm yourself - I know it is against the law but you are afraid for your life. I myself have an air-rifle but you can get pistols from certain shops. You will need a license but not always if you hide it.

I know this sounds drastic but you are in fear of being killed and the police aren't helping are they?

As a side note an air pistol won't kill your ex but it could be used as a threat if he approaches you. When I was a child of 10 I would put my air pistol in my pocket go to the wood and target practice. My Dad was in the RAF and taught me to shoot.