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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I in the wrong?

35 replies

Beckiee12 · 27/08/2019 18:48

So me and my partner have been together a few years now and have a son together. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship. We have been on holiday once all together but apart from that we rarely do anything all together as he works everyday apart from a monday. Anyway so he messaged me today saying he is taking his nephew out on monday 2 and a half hours away for the day to a theme park. Now obviously I dont have an issue with him spending time with his family BUT he never mentions us and the kids doing anything together he will never drive far for me and I basically had to persuade him to book us a holiday for the end of the year. Monday is the only day we get to do anything which we never do anyway as he is always too tired or full of excuses yet hes now planned to go away without involving us for the day. Am I being stupid for getting annoyed over this?

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 27/08/2019 19:01

I would be annoyed too because I get very jealous easy .
However I can understand why he might want a day trip with his nephew .
Did u ask if u and your kids could join him ? If u don’t ask he might not realise u would like to go too

Original poster
Beckiee12 · 27/08/2019 19:36

@Fidgety31 I've asked and he said no he didnt plan the trip he invited himself on it with the rest of his family

OP posts:
marvellousnightforamooncup · 27/08/2019 20:02

Oh right,so it's not just him and his nephew. That changes things a bit but you aren't unreasonable to want more family time too.

noweddingforme · 27/08/2019 21:29

So is he taking your son with him on monday?

BumbleBeee69 · 27/08/2019 21:36

are YOU not his family OP ? Hmm

I wouldn't be impressed by his priorities either OP. Flowers

Original poster
Beckiee12 · 27/08/2019 21:59

@noweddingforme no our son is only a few months old

OP posts:
Original poster
Beckiee12 · 27/08/2019 22:00

@BumbleBeee69 I dont ever seem priority anymore

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 27/08/2019 22:09

how old is your Partner ?

Original poster
Beckiee12 · 27/08/2019 22:19

He is 42 so we arent young

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 27/08/2019 22:20

Could it be for some reason that his family don’t want you to attend ?
Do they get along with you and your other kids ?

AMAM8916 · 27/08/2019 22:21

Are you working but on maternity leave OP or don't work?

noweddingforme · 27/08/2019 22:32

It sounds like he’s lived the majority of his adult life on his terms and as such isn’t really seeing you as a family of 5.

How is he with the baby generally? does he do his fair share & pay for nappies/clothes/toys??

Original poster
Beckiee12 · 28/08/2019 06:58

@Fidgety31I get on well with his family I'm always invited over their houses for dinner with the kids etc

@noweddingforme Yeah he has, from what I know its always been what he wants to do and when and then he will spend time with us as and when he wants while I'm on my own with the kids pretty much 7 days a week.

He is good with him, always getting whatever it is he needs and buying him new clothes and toys. I think it's more the fact he doesn't seem to want to be spending time with us than anything.. and the stupid excuses

OP posts:
joystir59 · 28/08/2019 07:02

He isn't into family life, at least not his own immediate family. How is your relationship generally? It doesn't sound as if you are close.

Bigmango · 28/08/2019 07:43

How old are your other children? Seems odd they weren’t invited. Him going isn’t the issue, it’s the fact that he hasn’t discussed it with you, rather just told you.

LizzieSiddal · 28/08/2019 07:47

So he buys his son things but doesn’t spend any time with him? That is not a good father.

Original poster
Beckiee12 · 28/08/2019 07:58

@joystir59 Exactly, preaches how much of a family man he is for visiting grandchildren nephews etc daily but cant spend much time with us. We used to be very close but lately he is distancing himself which is probably why this situation is bothering me.

@Bigmango my other children are 10 and 6.. doesnt make sense why he wouldn't invite us

@LizzieSiddal I know when he spends time with him he is great but hes more of a part time dad atm

OP posts:
zippey · 28/08/2019 08:02

Best thing here would be you and kids tagging along to the theme park. All the kids will have a great time. Not sure why he hasn’t done this. It’s nice to do things as a family.

LizzieSiddal · 28/08/2019 08:06

How much time does he spend with you and his child, on a weekly basis.

noweddingforme · 28/08/2019 08:21

Surely the rest of the family will say to him ‘where are Beckiee and the kids?’ What do you think he would say to that?

Original poster
Beckiee12 · 28/08/2019 08:35

@zippey I did ask him this last night and got more excuses and was told he should be allowed to spend time alone with his family... I dont and never have had a problem with him doing that anyway.

@LizzieSiddal about an hour in the evening before he wants to do his own thing then a few hours on monday

@noweddingforme I'm close to his family and they dont understand him either but I try not to involve them too much

OP posts:
LemonAddict · 28/08/2019 08:38

preaches how much of a family man he is for visiting grandchildren nephews etc daily but cant spend much time with us

Hmm, are you sure he’s definitely visiting family?

Karwomannghia · 28/08/2019 08:38

I’m sure they’ll all be asking where you and the kids are. It’s very odd.

Original poster
Beckiee12 · 28/08/2019 08:55

@LemonAddict He is definitely there as they all tell me they dont see why he goes everyday hes always done it even before we got together

OP posts:
Original poster
Beckiee12 · 28/08/2019 08:57

@Karwomannghia Well it just seems another reason as to why I feel so pushed out now. Then he wonders why I'm not always sat there happy and smiling, typical.

OP posts: