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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I in the wrong?

35 replies

Beckiee12 · 27/08/2019 18:48

So me and my partner have been together a few years now and have a son together. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship. We have been on holiday once all together but apart from that we rarely do anything all together as he works everyday apart from a monday. Anyway so he messaged me today saying he is taking his nephew out on monday 2 and a half hours away for the day to a theme park. Now obviously I dont have an issue with him spending time with his family BUT he never mentions us and the kids doing anything together he will never drive far for me and I basically had to persuade him to book us a holiday for the end of the year. Monday is the only day we get to do anything which we never do anyway as he is always too tired or full of excuses yet hes now planned to go away without involving us for the day. Am I being stupid for getting annoyed over this?

OP posts:

noweddingforme · 28/08/2019 08:59

Assuming your baby sleeps about 14 hours a day that’s a tenth of the baby’s awake time with his Dad! And he sees other family everyday?

He needs to step up to his responsibilities at home!

Jesse70 · 28/08/2019 09:04

New baby some men get a bit funny. I wouldn't take a baby to a theme park tho wheres the joy in that
I think u are overreacting a bit my partner and my family don't really mix and I'm happy with that whereas in fully involved with his
There could be a number of reasons unless u are worried about something else then I think you are being a bit unreasonable
But u can understand u feeling left out especially if u are with baby all the time and not much else
Let him enjoy it and tell him u just felt a bit left out if u need reassurance I'm sure he will give u it
Don't argue over it tho it's a bit stupid

LizzieSiddal · 28/08/2019 09:17

about an hour in the evening before he wants to do his own thing then a few hours on monday

I think you have more problems than him not inviting you out for the day. You and his baby are not his priority at all.

Do you actually want to keep him as a partner?

Original poster

Beckiee12 · 28/08/2019 09:19

@noweddingforme I haven't ever had a problem with him going there everyday as he was coming and spending time with us after but this seems to be an issue leading after many others, it's been over a year since he wanted to be intimate, he has spent less and less time with us and seems to be able to come up with one excuse after another to why it gets cut short BUT when he plans or wants to do something that does not involve me he can find the time to do it. I know hes not cheating but he clearly isnt in the relationship anymore. This was kind of just another kick in the teeth.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beckiee12 · 28/08/2019 09:22

@LizzieSiddal There is other problems, we dont argue but I dont see myself any different from his friends anymore. I'm questioning it but he doesnt talk.. any time I bring my feelings up I'm told I'm needy and he cant do anything right.. apparently I'm too clingy? I dont in any way want to spend 24 hours a day with him but I would like more than an hour and a bit of affection I dont think it's much to ask of in a relationship.

OP posts:

LizzieSiddal · 28/08/2019 10:24

any time I bring my feelings up I'm told I'm needy and he cant do anything right.. apparently I'm too clingy?

Bloody hell he's just awful. You deserve so much better.

noweddingforme · 28/08/2019 10:50

It’s it needy to want to be in a partnership with your partner!

You deserve better - your children deserve better.

Original poster

Beckiee12 · 28/08/2019 11:46

@LizzieSiddal @noweddingforme it's all probably coming to and end anyway just nice to know I'm not being ridiculous when that's what I'm being told.

OP posts:

LizzieSiddal · 28/08/2019 11:58

No, you aren't being ridiculous at all, you're being very sensible.

Hidingtonothing · 28/08/2019 13:10

No, you're definitely not being ridiculous and he's only telling you that you are because it makes you question yourself and shuts you up. He's stonewalling and gaslighting you, refusing to talk about issues in the relationship and insisting his behaviour is normal/acceptable and it's you who's being ridiculous.

I agree it sounds like he's checked out, trouble is it doesn't sound like he's willing to confront that or do anything about it. So I guess it's going to be your decision what happens next, and I would be seeing that as a positive and quietly getting my ducks in a row while he's busy pleasing himself, and blissfully unaware of what's about to happen.

Sorry OP, but I think you're right that it's coming to an end and it seems only fair that it happens on your terms for a change

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