Do mummy's boys ever change?

[MG08]

I swear my husband thinks he's married to his mother. It's always been a relationship that has made me feel slightly uncomfortable but its getting a bit much now.

His mother has been verbally abusive to me and made threats regarding her son ever being made upset by me, he was standing in the room at the time and didn't say a word, even when she told me to shut up, in fact he just stood there crying and then told me to apologise.

She has ruined so many occasions but he never says anything to her, instead he moans a little bit about the situation to me and then carries on happy families once he's gotten over it after a few days. He was upset with her behaviour once regarding our daughters 1st birthday party and didn't speak to her for a couple of weeks, but then he told her that he missed her so much and that was that, he was over it and she knew she could always do as she pleased.

I have no relationship with her now as I needed to cut all ties for my own happiness. My husband takes our daughter to see his parents on his own. He went there recently and they appear to have had a little cosy chat about things, me I assume, and she has said she will always be there for him. I'm not sure how it always gets turned around so that I become the problem. They way they talk is like I've had an affair and they're trying to support him through life with his horrible wife, when in fact he gets his dinner cooked for him every night, clothes washed, house cleaned, daughter cared for so all he ever has to do is the fun parenting. He doesnt realise how easy he has it.

Now given this current situation is due to how she has treated me so badly in the past and I had had enough so confronted her about it and she completely kicked off, denying any of her behaviour and shouting abuse at me, my husband continuously tells me he's unhappy, with our marriage I assume. He doesn't communicate with me, I tell him certain things upset me and he literally doesn't even respond.

My mum looks after our daughter when I go to work and if I see her on my days off I have to lie to my husband because he gets the hump that I've seen her again, he thinks his parents have to have the exact same amount of contact as mine , regardless of the things they have done, and the fact they have made this situation for themselves.

I don't think I can live like this any longer. He hasn't matured and is very much still a boy who wants his mummy, I mean he even calls her mummy on texts which makes me shudder. I always thought things would change when we got engaged, moved in with each other, got married, had a baby, but now I've run out of life events to depend on and think I need to accept that his mum will always be his number one and I cannot live like this. We have no intimacy anymore, he doesn't ever tell me he loves me and never kisses me goodbye.

Does anyone have any advice on whether they were in a similar situation with a mummy's boy and it did all work out or whether they left and their life was better for it? I'm finding his behaviour embarrassing and humiliating now.

Wow reading this thread again was eye opening!

So we actually split up a month after I made this thread as it was too unbearable. To be honest it's been nearly 3 years of hell but things are getting so much better now. He took me to court to stop me moving away and to try and get custody of our daughter. The court ruled in my favour and I was able to relocate and he now sees our daughter every other weekend. We sold our house and I got 70%, and funnily enough today I got the keys to my new home.

Someone told me at the time that the first 2-3 years after you split up are awful as you have to sort child arrangements, housing, finances, divorce etc but once you're out of it life is so much better, and I'm reaching that stage now. Life is so much easier on my own. The hardest part is obviously not seeing my daughter but the court really listened to me and we had a stepped arrangement building up to overnights and then gradually increasing the time away, so it's become manageable.

I'm not saying at all that you should split up, and it's so positive that you've started therapy. I would see how that goes and whether he gets any realisations or if things improve in anyway. But honestly, for me splitting up has been the best thing for me, and I feel like I wasted so much in that relationship. I will always be grateful that my daughter came from it, but I found my exes true colours came out even more once we split up and I knew I'd made the best decision for me and my daughter, and reading this thread back has confirmed I did the right thing, I was so unhappy.

I wish you all the best, but remember your worth.

Well done OP.

These boys don't change.

They are selfish lazy children in mens bodies.

Congratulations on being brave enough to do the right thing for you.

No surprise that he turned out to be a nasty little shit, that's part of that type of character too.

Good luck.

One of my oldest mates was a mummy's boy. He remained local and hardly lived anywhere other than within two local areas. I moved away and we met up at a hobby we had.
He did not change that much even after she died. Always demanding of his wife. She was having none of it and stood up to him.
The rows were epic, They could have sold tickets! You could hear her two streets away.
I have only experience of the extremes. If you challenge you must be prepared for it to get rough. Or Extreme sulking.

That was a ROLLERCOASTER! My goodness!

Wow well done OP.
So happy for you that things worked out!
Congratulations on your new home! 😊

That was gloriously entertaining with my coffee.

@bluetue 🙏🙏

he was standing in the room at the time and didn't say a word, even when she told me to shut up, in fact he just stood there crying and then told me to apologise

Fucking hell, that alone would have been it for me.

He stood there crying while his mum was being nasty to you? Is he 8?

My son is 20 and not that I would ever speak to anyone like that, if I did, I soul expect him to be outraged at ME and tell ME to apologise.

would expect

And that will teach me to read the full thread!

I hope the hardest bits are behind you now. Enjoy your new home.

I'm married to a lovely wife who perpetuates her mummys boy 20yo son. I adore my wife but getting cut off mid sentence to respond to him, dates interrupted by phone calls and texts, constant I love you even counted 14 times in a day between them, constant texts, texts while he's working, no responsibilities at home, cant won't even mow the lawn, hes extremely messy, he has a girlfriend who is just as bad. We have talked but to no avail. His dad died when he was 5. I get the closeness but this is ridiculous. Been married 6 years. Gets worse as time goes on. Help? Ideas?

I’m so sorry you’re going/have gone through this. I have lived your recount. He never changed. When I finally set my boundaries, he left our marriage to move in with her in his childhood home, citing my flaws and fault. It’s taken me almost 4 years to recover from all the gaslighting, passive aggressive abuse, manipulation, bullying, and mind games he and his family put me through. Hopefully, you have already left the situation or are preparing to do so.🙏