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Original poster

Is it too late/am I too old?

35 replies

TooLark · 26/08/2019 21:18

I’d be so happy to have some opinions. My dh died 3 years ago, and it’s taken me most of that time to get back to a relatively good place.

But I think I’m there now and I want to move on. I’m incredibly lonely - despite having dc and lots of friends (although all friends are still married/coupled up so in a different place to me).

I won’t ever find someone who loves me the way dh did, but despite knowing that, I want someone on my team as it were. Someone to do things with, someone to do nothing with, and of course sex.

I’m 55, have dc (4 of them), financially solvent (but not working), presentable enough I think. Too late?

OP posts:
Shouldbedoing · 26/08/2019 21:23

God, I hope not! I'm 53 and divorcing, really not interested in anything just yet but not planning on living my days out alone!
Theres an organisation called WAY - widowed and young - which I hear recommended on here and elsewhere. Pretty sure you're young!

HugoLast · 26/08/2019 21:27

Definitely not too late.
I'm in similar circs to you- widowed 8 years ago when DCs were under 10. So lonely, so fed up of doing it all on my own..... but.... I definitely don't want to marry again- I'm not spending my golden years washing some man's underpants. I'd like to find a boyfriend- if that's the right word.
Men are interested but despite the loneliness I just can't find the courage to make the leap back into dating.

Original poster
TooLark · 26/08/2019 21:30

Thank you Should, and sorry to hear about your divorce, hope things work out for you. I think I’m too old for WAY :(. I don’t feel old, quite the opposite in fact.

OP posts:
Original poster
TooLark · 26/08/2019 21:34

Hugo I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. And I completely understand about not wanting to wash underpants - feel like I’ve done more than my fair share of that!

Where do you come across the men who are interested? I feel the same about OLD - ie, do I have a thick enough skin for the comments/rejections, do I have the energy to engage in the whole process? But then - what other options are there?

Good luck to you anyway :)

OP posts:
HugoLast · 26/08/2019 21:46

Well it's taken many years! I never went out for the first six years- well, literally, about twice a year. But as DCs are now older I've been able to go out twice a week( twice a week!!!!) to do a sport club.

Holymoly0 · 26/08/2019 21:55

Definitely not! My grandma re-married at 60 years old, my mum re-married at 52 and is very happy, she thought she’d never meet anyone else. It’s never too late to meet someone! Good luck 😉 x

31RueCambon75001 · 26/08/2019 21:59

Probably to be realistic. It is so hard to fancy available men in their 50s. Ithink the answer is just to accept being single. Get used to it. Get braver.

Always a chance though.

Original poster
TooLark · 26/08/2019 22:04

Where do you meet single men in their 50’s and 60’s though - other than on line?

OP posts:
MaidenMotherCrone · 26/08/2019 22:06

I got married again last year at 50. I can highly recommend Match. I found my DH the day I signed up. Met the next day and been together ever since.

Op you won't have the same relationship you had previously but that doesn't mean you won't have another equally as good and be adored etc. It does happen.

areyoubeingserviced · 26/08/2019 22:23

You are not too old Op. Not at all
My favourite aunt has just remarried at sixty seven having lost her husband some years ago.
She’s deliriously happy

31RueCambon75001 · 26/08/2019 22:48

I think it's easier to meet men in real life at my age. I wouldn't show up in any searches as even the older men, men older than me, they have their search settings like 10-15 years younger so that if you're fifty the men who will date you are minimum 60! I logged off........ I'm dating somebody I met at work but it is not a forever thing. It has occurred to me though, I could never really date anybody else at work now! I'd be ridiculous! This could be it. Oh well.

NameChangeNugget · 27/08/2019 08:10

I think you’ll need to be realistic. Men of your age will be looking at younger women however, you never know. How exciting! Good luck

Speakercube · 27/08/2019 08:29

No it's not late! I know 2 family members-women who are both in their 70s having met men not so long ago(one I know for sure has sex still as we're close). There will be some men who want younger but equally there'll be older ones who don't want that but someone with a younger outlook like you. I always hear of Old as being for people who often just want sex or a lot of married ones. Having said that I spose if you pay like the poster who mentioned Match then there's less chance of it happening. Know it sounds a cliche but is there any hobby you fancy doing where men might be? You could see if there are any daytime ones althou I suspect they will be full of retired women and you'll be the youngest there! I joined an evening car maintenance course for that reason but most were women! What about Gingerbread for single parents--does that still exist? Maybe they'd have a group and you'd find a man in a similar position. No you won't find someone the same but maybe you'll find someone just as good but in a different way. I really hope you find someone OP but you have plenty of time.

Windmillwhirl · 27/08/2019 08:43

I think you’ll need to be realistic. Men of your age will be looking at younger women however, you never know. How exciting! Good luck

Massive generalisation. Many younger women want families. Plenty of older men don't want that.

Good luck, op.

HollysTeflonSeptum · 27/08/2019 08:52

It’s never too late for anything OP while we’re all still lucky enough to be alive.

If I were your age and in your situation I’d be looking to date younger men as I find men in their 50s and over unattractive.

Everyone’s different though, and everyone ‘s looking for something that suits them. Life would be very boring if we were all the same wouldn’t it.

Good luck.

Original poster
TooLark · 27/08/2019 14:18

Thank you for all your responses. I’ve heard so many negative stories about OLD that I’m really reluctant to try. But then again - nothing ventured and all that! I don’t live the sort of life where I meet many new people these days so I do need to try something.

Had a lovely bank holiday being away with friends but they kept saying things like they felt guilty for leaving their dhs/partners behind and all three of them needed to be back relatively early yesterday. That sort of reinforced my feelings of loneliness. I was very glad that we’d managed a night away, and grateful to be invited but I sort of had a vision of bank holidays to come, and it wasn’t a very positive one :(.

Anyway - thanks again for the messages, and it’s good to hear the positive stories :).

OP posts:
BatshitCrazyWoman · 27/08/2019 15:38

I'm 55 and met someone online. He's 7 years younger than me. Prior to him I had a couple of relationships with men of a similar age to me. It's never too late and not all men want younger women ...

waterSpider · 27/08/2019 16:24

Online dating is perhaps both better and worse than you think ... just be prepared to say NO a lot and not give it a second thought! (rather than "letting down gently"). It is a numbers game.

Activities with more men than women - 5km parkruns Saturday mornings, and anything gym/fitness related. The website meetup, for more friend related (to start with).

Ask friends for 'available men'? Sadly, perhaps, the 'best' men may be those just getting over a divorce.

Good luck

Original poster
TooLark · 27/08/2019 16:30

Oh that’s good to hear Batshit, hope it works for you. Could I ask you what site you used - don’t answer if you’d rather not.

Thanks also water for the tips. I’ll certainly look into meet up.

OP posts:
IcedPurple · 27/08/2019 17:54

I think you’ll need to be realistic. Men of your age will be looking at younger women

Oh sure, they can look at them, just as I can look at Aidan Turner.

But if we're talking about 'being realistic', I'm not going to get Aidan, and these middle aged men aren't going to get much younger women.

Besides, as another poster said, by no means all men the OP's age are after younger women.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 27/08/2019 18:10

TooLark I used a lot of sites - OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, Tinder and Bumble. I am in London though so I suppose there are more available men around.

Originallymeonly · 27/08/2019 18:19

@toolark I saw on a OLD site a 23 year old who had set his profile age to 46 in order to meet older women because that's what he wanted. He can't be the only one...
Try bumble, the woman has to message first to a match so you don't get the immediate deluge of dick pics... And join the OLD thread on here...

31RueCambon75001 · 27/08/2019 18:22

Yes this is true, but online they wont even GO on a date unless it is with somebody younger. Im attractive 😳🙈 but if i put up a profile with my real age, no man my own age would contact me. Only men ten yrs older. I met somebody younger in real life and i rl people see you first and your age might surprise them. Online you are never more than yr age.

IcedPurple · 27/08/2019 19:04

Surely a man who won't even consider dating an attractive woman close to his own age isn't worth bothering with? Let him join all the other geezers being laughed at by young women bemused that these old dudes would ever think they might have a chance with them.

MCK186 · 28/08/2019 11:44

I’m a man aged 51 and I’m the other way to be honest. I wouldn’t date anyone who wants children and wouldn’t date anyone who has dependant children living at home with them. My kids have grown up and I want someone in a similar place in life. My dates tend to be women who are aged 45-55. Everyone has different wants from relationships so the all men want younger models is just a generalisation. I am dating a 53 year old currently. Life experience, free time to do things, common interests and a positive outlook are much more important to me.

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