Is it too late/am I too old?

[TooLark]

I’d be so happy to have some opinions. My dh died 3 years ago, and it’s taken me most of that time to get back to a relatively good place.

But I think I’m there now and I want to move on. I’m incredibly lonely - despite having dc and lots of friends (although all friends are still married/coupled up so in a different place to me).

I won’t ever find someone who loves me the way dh did, but despite knowing that, I want someone on my team as it were. Someone to do things with, someone to do nothing with, and of course sex.

I’m 55, have dc (4 of them), financially solvent (but not working), presentable enough I think. Too late?

It’s so good to hear everyone’s opinions - positive and otherwise so thank you.

Will try and work myself up to having a look online :)

I’m a man aged 51 and I’m the other way to be honest. I wouldn’t date anyone who wants children and wouldn’t date anyone who has dependant children living at home with them. My kids have grown up and I want someone in a similar place in life.

Yeah I reckon that a high proportion of the men in their late 40s or 50s who are seeking much younger women are men who thought they had all the time in the world to start a family and are now panicking and looking for a young woman. However, there are plenty of men out there like yourself who've done the whole family thing and couldn't think of anything worse than night feeds and nappies in their 50s, and are instead seeking a partner with common interests and circumstances.

3 years is still quite early on in the grieving process.
Just take your time.
Don't expect too much.
Enjoy it without getting too involved too quickly.
Take it as it comes!
Good luck.

You're definitely not too old!! Go for it! Please don't listen to the people telling you to be "realistic" (no offence but op wouldn't be asking if she felt THAT hopeless 🙂)

I'm 48 and in the middle of a tough divorce (abusive husband). For a long time I thought I'd have nothing to offer anyone ever again. Then I signed up to a dating app out of curiosity. There are PLENTY of nice men out there not looking for a younger model. (Of all ages, I might add - the cougar/milf thing apparently exists 😮)

My advice would be to approach it light heartedly - humour in the bio, positive phrases and a friendly pic. If you scroll through some of the men's bios you'll soon see what I mean - some bios are so negative and self absorbed it's a miracle if anyone swipes right! In other words - let your personality shine through. I have also seen a number of widowed men on there, in our age group.

The best advice I got for online dating was: keep your expectations low. (I guess being realistic has its place after all 🙂) Speak to lots of people, ask to meet early (personal chemistry), have a laugh, enjoy a nice evening, make new friends, refresh your dating and flirting skills (if you're that way inclined), have fun. But don't expect The One to turn up immediately. It's an easy mental trap to fall into when you first start, we all do it. But that's also the fast track to disappointment! I've had very enjoyable dates that lead nowhere long term, but I made new friends! It's best to approach it with patience and enjoy the journey.

The app I use is Bumble - because women make the first move you don't need to worry about being harassed.

Good luck, OP! Go for it! You deserve smiles and happiness 😊

I'm the same age as you OP. I'm sorry about your DH. That's so hard and I hope you got and are still getting loads of support.

I've been window shopping on Match and Our Time. I haven't paid money or joined properly with a pic yet but I still get sent daily selections of men who fit the filters I set up. I'm in the middle of a divorce and nowhere near ready to date but I was curious. Lots of the men whose profiles I've been sent seem to give a range of around 10 years (5 either side of their own age). I'll be considering that someone who wouldn't date a woman his own age or older is doing me a favour by flagging up his attitudes from the get go .

On the bright side a relative remarried in her early 70s and had a decade of real happiness. There's hope.

Hi @TooLark. I'm single and 8 years younger you and have found OLD tough. But.. my Mum was also OLD for years. Met some horrible men, most of which she dated and moved in, this went on for 20+ years. She finally grew up a little and realised what she was doing and stopped the destructive relationships. Cue a few years later. She joined a dating site using the "friends" option (Bumble has this). She was lonely and just wanted someone to go to the opera and concerts with. She met a lovely widowed man who wanted the same thing and fast forward a year at the age of 76 they got married :-) 🎉. So it really is never too late. I'm so happy for her!

My mother in law was widowed after 40 years of marriage. She remarried at 82 years, having lived ‘in sin’ with her new love for fourteen years.
My sister in law remarried two years ago aged 54 years.
It’s never too late.
Mother in law used a newspaper advertisement and my sister in law used a dating website. They had a few unsuccessful trials before finding their new loves but all are happy.

Definitely not too late! Guardian Soulmates is great. Good luck OP the happiest times may well be yet to come.

If you do OLD don't put the word 'widow' in your profile. Apparently it's the word that fraudsters use most often to search for victims.

Not too late OP, or at least I hope so.

I'm 63 and going through a rather horrid divorce in France, but have just signed up to a site for the over 50s and have started chatting online with a widower the same age.

Fingers crossed for you.