Not sure if I'm being picky about things due to pregnancy hormones or if he's being unreasonable

[Doormat247]

I keep having moments where I think my DP is lying to me and I don't know whether I'm just angry about things I daren't confront him about, irritated because of the pregnancy hormones or whether he should be doing things differently.

The newest thing is that he's away playing with his band for the night and they're playing another gig tomorrow. He told me he was packing up so I wished him a safe drive home. 2 hours later he informed me that he's staying at a rental home. He seems to have gone out of his way to tell me that it's only his male band mates staying (which I don't believe). I don't like the way he messages one of the girls - he calls her all the same pet names he calls me and he's super supportive of her (he isn't like this with me). I've seen photos of them together and they're always touching each other. I've convinced myself that she's the girl he told me about when we met that he had a fwb thing with - there seems to be too many coincidences for it not to be her.
Anyway, he has NEVER invited me to watch a gig in the 18mths we've been together. I know that other members take their DP along. He doesn't invite me to any parties they all go to with their DPs either

I may just have residual anger from finding messages he sent to an old friend a few months after starting dating where he called me 'convenient' and he didn't feel we were going anywhere. He was clearly feeling around for her to give him a chance with her and she was 100% leading him on. She gave him the chance to end their chats if he was happy with me and he said he didn't want to stop talking to her. (He seems to have stopped replying to her a couple of months after that).

He doesn't keep me informed of anything he does, he just expects me to be available if he wants to see me. I feel that if I'm the priority he says I am, why can't he include me in things or at least inform me of what's going on and that he can or can't see me.

Sorry it's long and has turned into a bit of a rant.
(Also we aren't living together yet so it's not like he promised me he'd be home and didn't show up).

@Doormat247 I have read all your posts.

The only point of being in a relationship is that each of you brings happiness, strength, friendship, respect and love to each other.

Without even one of those above you do not have a relationship.

What is the point in being with anyone if they don't bring you at least happiness? I don't get it. And the answer that you have never been happy is an excuse. In my opinion being with somebody because they make you a little less unhappy is disrespectful.

Each of you deserves better than this from someone they are with, especially if you are bringing a child into this. I have read that there may be problems with your baby, for which I am so very sorry, but you will need to dig deep to face this together.

@minmooch i don't know how to explain to you that I don't UNDERSTAND what happiness is. I'm not unhappy with him so does that make me happy? I don't know.

I just hate life in general and the fact that 99% of people on this planet are a waste of life. No one is changing the world and I feel that if you're not doing something important with life then what is the point in being here? (Bringing up a child does not make anyone 'important' before that argument comes up from anyone). I've felt like this since being a very small child (over 30yrs) so it's not something that's new.
I'm also dreading telling my family about the baby as I'll get comments that I should just abort rather than bringing a child into a world as wank as this one. I can't even argue with them as they are correct.

I'm sorry to hear your baby may have health complications. But reading your responses you seem to have answers to your own questions and know your own mind well. Which is a good place to be. But because of that I'm not sure now what it is you are asking anymore? No one else can say if what you feel inside is happiness, that's so personal. If I'm missing something apologies, otherwise I wish you and your baby well and suggest trying to keep honest and open communication with your partner every step of the way so you can support each other the best way possible. Hope things work out well for you.

That is the old age question - what is the meaning of life? I don't think anyone can really answer that. We all question why we are here on earth. I lost my 18 year old son to cancer. I have raged at the world for causing him such pain, for causing me and all his loved ones such pain. Why him, why me, why is?

But you have to find some happiness on some level or what, quite frankly, is the point?

Despite my son's passing and the trauma I have gone on to find love and happiness with a new man in my life. I find happiness in my other son. I'm learning to accept happiness purely for myself again. I find happiness in my dogs, in my garden. Sometimes it's not happiness but a feeling of some peace within.

I think I you need to find happiness within yourself before you can find happiness with someone else. And no, I don't think you have it with your current partner. You need to love yourself. People do that in many ways - a fulfilling career, charity work, animals, music, painting, family, friends, gardening............ Is there nothing in your life that brings you happiness? Or excitement? Or well being?

All I know is that there are too many people on this earth for each of them to do something earth shatteringly meaningful. You can at least find some beauty in your life that brings you happiness.

It would seem a terrible shame to waste the life that you have been given, which in itself is a privilege.

To bring a child in to this world without being able to at least love it, nurture it, show it some beauty would be wrong, in my opinion.

I'm not naive. I know lots of people do struggle with the ordinariness of life. I know plenty of people with mental health problems who struggle, who find it difficult to find a job/love/hope. But if you know you have not yet experienced it why settle for someone who definitely does not fill you with happiness?

Pressed send too soon. I am aware that you may not have great choices where your child is concerned and for that I'm truly sorry. That in itself is terribly unfair. I hope you can find some acceptance with whatever decisions you have to make.