Am I a mug?

[Switchitoffthenonagain]

Quick background. Partner cheated on me for 2 months with the mother of one of our children's classmates. We've tried to work past this, he's been sorry, told me that it's his fault, a mistake, etc etc.

Realised today that another mother from our child's class has messaged him, inviting our child to a party. He barely knows her. Something didn't sit right with me and I made him show me the messages (he initially hadn't told me about them). I saw he thanked her for the invite. Initiated small talk, then randomly apologised that he couldn't accept her friend request right now as we were having problems in our relationship and I would be angry. She tried to rebuff this and say that she'd only requested him so he saw her message and he added 'I know, but Switchit doesn't see it like that'. Cue further 10 messages of small talk. I've hit the roof over him sharing personal information about our relationship and covering it up and he's adamant that's he was being polite and doing nothing wrong. Am I being a mug? Or am I overreacting?

Totally dodged a bullet. You deserve better than this excuse for a man.

I hope the affair was recent enough for you to use as grounds for divorce!

As I’ve stood up to him and refused to go in our weekend away,

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

Even though this is the right thing you're going to feel shit for a bit. It's ok. You'll come out the other side. Promise. X

Wow! he thinks YOU'VE gone too far with your trust issues????

What a massive twat! perhaps if he hadn't shagged a school gate mum, and wasn't testing the waters with another by chatting your private business......maybe, just maybe you wouldn't have 'trust issues'!

It’s the gaslighting which gets to me, as he did that when he had the affair. I can’t bear feeling like I’m going crazy and doubting myself and the more he’s been saying that it was innocent conversation, the more it’s been messing me up

That's why he's gaslighting, to make you doubt yourself so he can carry on putting feelers out for fresh women. You see what he's up to with the school mums and we posters see it too.

It's not you - it's him! stand firm. No man is worth ruining your mental health for.

You've done absolutely the right thing not going away with him. Now he's lashing out. Don't take on board any of his gaslighting b.s.

Well done you for seeing through the smokescreen he's smoking up. Stand your ground. Hopefully he will wise up sharpish when he truly grasps he's bang out of order.

Well done OP,
You are seeing clearly as will others.
You are well rid of his awfulness.

Thank goodness he isn't living with you.
Stay strong.

"you've taken it too far" ha!

I confess I could not ever move past his original betrayal. For me no trust = no relationship.

Humiliation in front of everyone at school would be the rancid cherry on top of the whole rotten cake.

but I’m now taking it too far.

I hope you said, "No, You're the one taking things too far! Who the hell sends 27 bloody messages to some random woman? "

What are the bets its like - three minutes after breakup:messages her: 'hey I'm single now, just to let you know'.

You're well shot of him.

He really is a nasty bastard isn't he?

Please hold your head up high

You've done nothing wrong.

You decided to end the relationship because you no longer trust him

No need for elaboration nor minutiae

You are the winner here

Apologies to all for de-railing, especially the OP, but who really goes cruising their children's parents for fxxx buddies or affairs?

I realise I'm not "out there"! But if I was, I'd like to think the parents of my children's friends would not be in the frame out of sheer decency.

Not fidelity, just decency.

OP, you deserve so much better than this.

@Switchitoffthenonagain hope you are doing ok today.

As I’ve stood up to him and refused to go in our weekend away, he’s ended things (even though I already had)

He's trying to get back the control over you he thought he had and now realises he has lost.

and said that it was just messages about a party, he understood that my lack of trust made me suspicious

His cheating and minimising ways are what are (rightly) making you not trust him. Plus, you're right on the money!

he’d tried to be sympathetic but I’m now taking it too far

You have tried against all the odds to make this relationship work, despite his cheating. Now, however, HE is taking it too far.

He is just trying to turn everything around on you. Typical gaslighter. So glad you aren't falling for it. A man like this can only bring nothing but misery and second-guessing into your life. Let him philander on someone else's time.

Wow OP, he has shown his true colours. So glad you have ended this (even though he thinks he ended it, but, either way, I'm glad for you).

He would have ground your confidence down in to the ground gas lighting you every step of the way about your ''trust issues'' . He is an embarrassment to you if you're with him, but now that you've split up, he's only embarrassing himself!

Adjusting to being single is the hardest bit. Especially as a mother. But you will be fine honestly. Be good to yourself. Take it easy. Expect that period of adjusting your identity to be a bumpy road, but you WILL be happier without this gaslighting sleaze.

he’d tried to be sympathetic but I’m now taking it too far.

Really. This would piss me right off. He tried to be sympathetic indeed.