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Original poster

Guy i'm dating is leaving for Australia

38 replies

walker05 · 23/08/2019 11:00

We have only been dating for 3 weeks which is nothing at all. We have said we like each other and there is a really big spark there, but he is going to Australia at the start of Sept.
I have no idea how long he is going for; he said he could be back in a month but cannot promise anything.
I'm torn because I do like him. I dont want to stay in touch and then he tells me he's staying for a year and falls in love with some travelling girl over there.
I also dont want to think about the possibility of him having flings over there.
I have no idea what to do. We met through OLD, and he seems very genuine and kind but I suppose anyone can at first.
If it were only a month or two there would be no problem, but I really dont know.
Should I ask him before he goes where me and him stand, or accept this may just be a short-term thing with a sell-by date ? Thanks

OP posts:
ICJump · 23/08/2019 11:11

I'm the one who left. We'd been dating for about 3 months and I went to Australia for about 5 months. I asked if he'd wait for me. He said he would. 15 years later I'm cuddling baby our third baby.

Original poster
walker05 · 23/08/2019 11:19

Aww, that's such a sweet story ICijump !
I feel like things like that never happen to me 😂 i'd like to ask that but I feel like as it will have only been a month it might be too early :/

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 23/08/2019 11:22

I guess you should just see how it goes. If he is back in a few months great, if not then move on.

Original poster
walker05 · 23/08/2019 11:26

Yeah... Knowing my sodding luck he will end up staying longer 😂 I feel like I know already that I want to be with him. But we have only had 6 dates, maybe i'm rushing it ? I don't recall the last time I met a guy this sweet, but I need to remember I have known him less than a month.

OP posts:
ChelseaCat · 23/08/2019 11:26

We were together 9 weeks - he went to Oz, I visited after three months. Now we’ve been together 10 years, married for two and expecting our first baby.

Ask the question - you never know where it might lead! Good luck @walker05

Original poster
walker05 · 23/08/2019 11:29

Thank you ChelseaCat. Atm I haven't in any shape or form got the money. Am i right in thinking it's around 1,000 pounds return. There is a possibility of me saving and visiting at some point for sure..
However I said to a good friend Id visit her in Canada and I imagine she'd be pretty pissed that I went to Oz instead..
I think we just need to have the chat.. He is leaving a week on Monday :/

OP posts:
VikVal · 23/08/2019 11:34

It seems too up in the air for me, but as above there can be happy endings with this kind of set up. It depends on how the guy feels about you though, I mean for me I would say well if you fuck off to Australia you clearly don't give a shit...but that's me lol keep in touch, but don't put all your eggs in one basket is my advice until you get something more concrete and less vague from him. If he comes back after a month, great, anymore, then cut ties he isn't going to be worth hanging around for if not in a rush to get back to you

LochJessMonster · 23/08/2019 11:36

If he can't give you a time frame then move on.
You'll have been apart longer than you've been dating.

Original poster
walker05 · 23/08/2019 11:39

Thanks VikVal. As far as I know he had had this all booked for a while, way before I met him.
I think I have just got to say to him that i want a relationship, is he prepared to do long-distance, could I perhaps visit at some point etc..
If it's all vague then maybe i'll just see if he makes an effort to stay in contact.
He seems to like me and always has time to see me, texts me a lot etc. But I suppose anyone can make a good impression at first..

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 23/08/2019 11:40

I’d not bother asking him - what can he possibly know after only a few weeks of dating, and with clearly very undefined plans for his move?
Do you want him to make up things to reassure you?
I’d just see how you both feel once he is over there.

I do, however, question - why on Earth was he OLD knowing that he is moving away? Or - was he clear in his profile that he is after a short term thing?
I’d be quite angry if someone wasted my time this way - i’d not start dating someone with clear plans for moving away - IF what I wanted were an actual relationship.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 23/08/2019 11:44

Yes, why was OLD when he knew he was leaving, unless he was just filling his time before leaving? Confused

showmethegin · 23/08/2019 11:45

Haha, this happened to me too! We met had a whirlwind romance for a month before I went to Australia and Asia. I was away for 18 months in the end, met up two days after I got back (realised while on the date it was Valentine's Day!) and we've been together ever since; nearly 5 years!

We kept in touch very sporadically but I really knew there was something special about him.

Original poster
walker05 · 23/08/2019 12:01

Yeah, i'm very torn. There was nothing about short-term on his profile, but after a few days of chatting he mentioned that he would be going to Australia at the start of Sept (this was very end of July).

I said to him that I wasn't sure whether he was then just looking for short-term, and he told me he could well be back in a month but wasn't sure, but wanted to meet me.
I suspect I may have been a little naïve. But since you can't always predict what happens I wanted to meet him anyway as opposed to immediately writing him off.
I probably should prepare myself for the worst, that he did just want a fling before going, but who knows.

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 23/08/2019 12:06

Dh was on a trip to Aus when we met. Gosh, that was nearly 20 years ago. A long distance relationship for two years and we are getting up to 18 years married.

Then there was a cousin who left Aus for a round the world trip with his mates and got as far as Bali before coming home as he couldn’t leave the new girlfriend for that long.

userabcname · 23/08/2019 12:12

Ooh I met DH and we dated for I think around 3 months, maybe 4. Then he went to Oz, supposedly for a year but didn't want to break up. He was back within a couple of months we are now married with a DS and I'm pregnant with our second!

SonataDentata · 23/08/2019 12:17

Doesn’t sound like he’s looking for anything serious. I think you’d be foolish wasting your money to go out and see him when he’s offered you nothing in return and has (in my opinion) answered your questions in a very evasive way. Your friend in Canada is more important to visit.

Labassecour · 23/08/2019 12:21

I agree with @MMmomDD. I wouldn't be at all impressed with someone who had been doing OLD just before a trip to the other side of the world of undefined length without making it very plain. He sounds like a time-waster, and you sound smitten, unfortunately.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 23/08/2019 12:24

Let him know you'd have wanted a longer relationship, if he'd been staying, and that you'd like him to get in touch when he comes back.
Then leave it, and don't count on anything further.

MrsBartlet · 23/08/2019 12:27

Another one here who has been in the same situation. I was saving up for a year in Australia when dh and I met. We agreed that we would just enjoy ourselves until I left and that would be it but within a few weeks of dating we knew that that would not be it! I left for Oz three months into our relationship. I didn't stay the whole year but came back after 7 months and moved in with dh the day I got back. Been together 27 years now.

Original poster
walker05 · 23/08/2019 12:28

There are such mixed opinions here and several 'success stories' so i'm just really confused.
I agree that either putting on your profile or saying right at the start 'i'm only looking for short-term' would be the decent thing to do.
In a way I sort of regret starting dating him but I wanted to meet him anyway on the off-chance.
I'm sure this will end in tears (and not his !)

OP posts:
Original poster
walker05 · 23/08/2019 12:30

I think all of these stories of things working out are lovely, though. There are some genuine and committed people out there.
This kind of thing never happens with me, sadly. I literally have no idea what to do but I guess i'm just going to ask him about it the next time I see him.

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 23/08/2019 12:46

I am in the camp of he shouldn’t be dating when he knows he is leaving. Sounds like he just wanted a few shags before he left.

Let him go. Send him the very occasional email asking him how he is going and you will soon know.

dottiedodah · 23/08/2019 13:09

Can you skype him once hes out there?.Just see how hes doing and whether he misses you at all.He may like you, and come back after the month is up .If he seems cool and stays longer, then maybe withdraw but give it a chance may work out well in the end!

Takemebacktolondon · 23/08/2019 13:16

I wouldn’t bother. He’s going away next week! If you had had a few months of dating fair enough, you could visit him if you wanted but you have literally known him only 3 weeks. I don’t see the point when you barely know him.

Original poster
walker05 · 23/08/2019 13:17

Thanks. I really don't know, he just seems so nice and not at all a 'player' type but again, a lot of people can act sweet and charming at first.
I could Skype him yes. I think if he makes little or no effort to stay in contact then yes, I will definitely know.
He has told me that he likes me but again, that may have just been a way to get something.

OP posts: