Possible Problems after eloping?

[Fgsdl]

Me and oh are planning on secretly eloping. We're planning on having fil, aunt, our children and two friends attend at the local church (a church marriage is important to me) then a Chinese at ours afterwards. Mil,and my parents have passed.

It's exactly what I want tbh. I just want to be married to oh and the thought of a big day in front of loads of people fills me with anxiety. Also the money factor is important. I don't think I could justify spending thousands on a day that for me with put my anxiety through the roof.

My real question is has anyone done this and it's caused problems with friends and family afterwards.? I have have friends that have had big princess weddings and been bridesmaid for some of them? Do you think that would cause problems? Or would you be insulted if a friend did this to you?

There's a few people I'm like 'oh I'd quite like you to know' but I think it would be one of those things where I tell one person I have to invite so and so and suddenly there's a bigger guest list!

I'm also very aware that if people fall out with me over this, they probably weren't very good friends to begin with but I just want an idea of what I might expect.

Thanks in advance

We eloped in July last year, just the two of us. Absolutely the best decision ever. Zero regrets...everyone who matters was completely supportive of our decision. Do it!

You're not eloping, you're having a small wedding.

What's going on with the misuse of the word elope recently?

Have the wedding you want and don't feel bad about it. You're not doing it for anyone else's benefit.

@Mum4Fergus eloping sounds so perfect!

Definitely not eloping if it's at a local church, inviting you very nearest and dearest and a meal afterwards.

As a pp said, it's a small wedding.

Nothing wrong with that OP if that's what you want. Go for it.

@Mystraightenersarebroken eloping technically means a secret wedding, although traditional it does mean not telling the parents but not necessarily.

yes an extremely small wedding is what I want and I agree I shouldn't care what people think But I'm awful at overthinking things.

That's a good point that it's not for anyone else's benefit. I think I just needed a clear way to describe that. Thank you

Your day, do what you want. If others don't like it, as you say, they ain't friends!

We eloped, just me and DH, better to piss off everyone than have some people pissed off because so and so got invited and they didn't. Never an issue for us although MIL won't talk about day we got married, my DM had already passed and my DF was more than happy we eloped. MIL saw her DD have the big white wedding (now divorced, not long after actually) so she never missed out on a wedding for one of her DC.
No issues with any friends and no regrets on eloping.

I'm having a very small wedding in Gretna next month with just our parents, my grandfather, our sisters (we have a sister each), our brother-in-laws, my fiancé's 2 nephews and my two nieces. A few friends a family know our date so may turn up too but all we're having in Gretna is our ceremony then a meal afterwards, it's absolutely perfect for us as we both hate the thought of a huge wedding. We're also having a reception party at a local hotel a few weeks afterwards x

Eloping is just two people getting married with strangers as witnesses. When family know about the wedding and attend, it's not eloping, it's a small wedding.

As everyone has said, it’s not eloping. If it was, I don’t think you would have a problem -probably everyone would be glad not to have another wedding to attend. However, as you have invited some people and not others, this may cause some bad feeling. But it’s your wedding and you can invite who you like so just enjoy it.

Am I right in thinking you invited both sets of parents and they declined to come? Any reason behind that?

My youngest brother got married and only invited our mum and dad, my sister (she was a witness) and a friend of his wife (as another witness). He only told me and my brother, and the rest of the family after the registry office and we were invited to their home for a drink to help them celebrate.
This was how they wanted to do it and we didn't hold it against them, we were pleased for them.
Tbh, I knew about it when they first booked the registry office as my sister is a blabbermouth so I had to act surprised when he came to tell me

Nope, unless you have drama-llama friends and family. This is exactly what a friend did recently and we were all thrilled for her. It also happens to be more or less what DP and I are planning (MIL, DM, DF, the DC and that’s it).

OP, forget the pedantics about what is/isn't an elopement. It's you and your future DH's day...do what you want, call it what you want...just make sure you love and remember every minute of it ...DH still asks me to marry him again 2-3 times a month lol I still would, and I'd still do it exactly the same way

Tbh what it's called is the least of my worries. Just a really quiet low key day is what I'm after.

We'd love all parents to be there but mil and my parents have passed away.

Thanks everybody. It's really reassured me that I'm not being an awful person getting married on the quiet. And it's really nice to hear that people have had really positive similar experiences.

Oh I did’t get that your parents and MIL had passed away. I’m sorry.

Have a great day, don’t worry what anyone else thinks.

Eloping is getting married and not telling anyone. So you're not eloping are you?

In these situations....them that care don’t matter, them that matter don’t care (care as not making it all about them) go for it OP !

@Lidormilk thank his for people like you pointing out the ever so slightly misuse of a word and taking the post completely out of context 👏👏👏

We got married with immediate family only. Our parents, my siblings and 2/3 of DH's siblings (one was living abroad).
We definitely had some comments and 15 years later it is occasionally still brought up by friends and relatives. But, it's what we wanted.
It was a lovely lovely day. My younger sister died recently and I've loved looking back at the photos of her and I on that day. It was more special to me because there were so few people there.

I had 11 guests at my wedding . I would not of liked a huge affair .

We had 11 guests at our wedding - parents, siblings and their spouses, and children of those attending. No friends. One of DH's friends was so offended at not being invited that she unfriended us both on Facebook, ignored our calls and emails, and hasn't spoken to us since. Every single other person in our lives has been cool with it.

We just had two of my friends and our dd at our wedding, my mum was disappointed but understood. No-one else has ever imagined it.

Bil got married recently with just his son and sils mum there. That's what they wanted, again no-one s bothered.

I don’t think PPs were being pedantic. The key difference with eloping and this is that if you have a small wedding with a few guests, you do risk offending those you haven’t invited, rather than eloping and offending no one (or everyone). I think that was an important distinction to make, especially as the OP was worried about causing offence.

Or would you be insulted if a friend did this to you?

You're not doing anything to your friends.

You and your fiance have made a decision about your wedding.

It's not about anyone else.

I eloped.
Would do again.
I hate fuss, family politics, unnecessary expense and dressing up.