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Original poster

Young lady

67 replies

froglin · 22/08/2019 18:30

Is a man calling a woman 'young lady' ok? Boyfriend keeps calling me this and it's making me feel uneasy. Am I reading into it too much?

OP posts:
OhHimAgain · 23/08/2019 07:18

And your query on how to 'approach' it is indicative of the dynamic within your relationship.

It suggests that your voice is not equal to his; that he is the authority voice and you need to fall in with that and so addressing something like this needs to be approached carefully.

When we have been in abusive relationships, it can feel quite reassuring to be with someone who appears to take charge in a nice way; someone who makes the decisions and protects us but this is equally abusive as it fails to recognise your agency as an individual.

I would also venture that he is a secondary teacher and 'young lady' is what he calls errant teenage girls at school when he is admonishing them.

Is he doing the same with you?

Original poster
froglin · 23/08/2019 07:48

@OhHimAgain That is a good point. I am not someone who does banter at all with anyone.

It's coming up in neutral conversation, like 'what are your plans today young lady'.
and I am not sure he even knows he is doing it.

It's why he is doing it that has me feeling uneasy.

When I said I wanted to think about how to approach it with him I meant how far I go into discussing it with him. It's seems this is a normal way to speak for lots of people so maybe I shouldn't be reading too much into this and just ask him to stop rather than tell him he is being creepy and it seems he thinks of me as a child.

OP posts:
OhHimAgain · 23/08/2019 07:54

'what are your plans today young lady'.

In that case, that is how someone might speak to their daughter in a jovial way.

Not how a man should be addressing his partner.

I think it is creepy tbh. It makes me feel uncomfortable just reading that he addresses you in that manner.

If you dont like it, why have you not already asked him to stop?

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 23/08/2019 08:11

I've just remember a bloke I was planning to go on a date with, but I called the whole thing off because I noticed that he had a number of female friends on Facebook whom he routinely referred to as "wench". It was utterly ghastly in my view and it completely put me off him. The women he was addressing didn't seem to mind. It's fine if you like that sort of thing, but I don't, and I don't think you do either, OP, and that's fine too.

Although the fact that he's a teacher who is talking to you as if you're one of his charges is a bit fucking weird, if I'm being honest.

5LeafClover · 23/08/2019 08:11

Don't make it a special discussion. Just wait till he does it again and say "Why do you keep calling me young lady? it makes me feel about 12 ". Or something.

See what he says and use your instincts...especially if you get a sorry-with-a-but-in-it or a sulk or a bit for tat criticism back.

Original poster
froglin · 23/08/2019 08:12

I can be a bit emotional and dramatic and I wanted to gather my thoughts before I made a mountain out of a molehill.

OP posts:
SignedUpJust4This · 23/08/2019 08:13

I have met a lot of male teachers who use this phrase regularly at work to students. It gives me the creeps. Anecdotally I know a few of them turned out to have school girl fetishes. This is all types of wrong.

olivetreelane · 23/08/2019 08:15

I think it sounds weird and creepy. Confused

How old are you both?

Lipz · 23/08/2019 08:17

My mother when giving out to me as a child would say "think about about you have done young lady" I would have been about 6-7 years old. In primary school the teachers would use it too. I wouldn't like it said to me as an adult, it just doesn't sound right.

Original poster
froglin · 23/08/2019 08:23

@5LeafClover That's a good line. That's what I am going to do.

@CheckingOutTheQuantocks I have a friend who says she always avoided bad relationships as she walked away at that first sign of wierd.

37 and 49

OP posts:
OhHimAgain · 23/08/2019 08:32

I can be a bit emotional and dramatic and I wanted to gather my thoughts before I made a mountain out of a molehill

Firstly, you don't have to bring it up 'emotionally' or 'dramatically' you can just say it.

Secondly, it wouldn't have mattered if everyone else said they loved being called Young Lady. YOU don't and that is what matters.

Thirdly, if you 'know' that he would just stop saying it if you asked, how could you think it would be making a 'mountain out of a molehill'?

I'm a little concerned at the way to speak about yourself - it appears that you've internalised some of the things you've been told about yourself and that leaves you ripe for attracting/accepting/tolerating abusive men.

SimplySteveRedux · 23/08/2019 08:35

I feel like I deserve to be patronised because I have been a mess recently and not at my best.

Sad Nobody deserves to be patronised, regardless of circumstances.

CherrySocks · 23/08/2019 21:42

You're 37!? And he's calling you "young lady"?! Now it seems weird in a different way! (I'm a lot older so I'm not saying you're old old or anything).

supercali77 · 23/08/2019 22:08

I got called 'good girl' the other night over text. I've been low grade raging about it since

supercali77 · 23/08/2019 22:09

For reference I'm a 42 year old mother and the man saying it was 40

CherrySocks · 23/08/2019 22:27

supercali77 Shock
What did you call him in return?

supercali77 · 25/08/2019 06:37

@CherrySocks I'd sent a question at the same time and he answered so I missed it until a few texts after. So annoyed

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