Young lady

[froglin]

Is a man calling a woman 'young lady' ok? Boyfriend keeps calling me this and it's making me feel uneasy. Am I reading into it too much?

Curtis!!!

My fwb does this too. But he is vair posh. I think that's why. Is he posh OP?

lovebeingmum9 you presumably haven't taught your 5 year old son to address small girls or young women he knows by name as "young lady" though.... Why the need to point out to your 5 year old whether women are young anyway? Do you also say "let the middle aged / elderly lady through" or "let the middle aged gentleman through"?

Is that you Maura?

I feel like I deserve to be patronised because I have been a mess recently and not at my best. I will ask him to stop and he will. There hasn't been the situation so far and I wanted time to think about it so I know how strong to be about the underlying meaning behind the way he is speaking to me. I am no good at holding stuff back when I talk. It is interesting to hear that other people would feel as icky about it that I do.

Is that you Maura?

I don't understand the joke?

My husband calls me that sometimes and I oftencall him old man (or similar). It’s banter. It’s impossible to say without actually seeing it what it is in your case.

I think its creepy.

@nothingsreallynewunderthesun
obviously if he knows them by name I wouldn't be referring to them as young ladies? it's something I just say without much thought into or behind but instead of saying let them,her or the girl go first I might say let the young lady go first as I'm wanting him to learn manners and to recognise a young lady when he sees one....no harm in my book.

Patronising and creepy as it vocalises the idea that you are much younger and the connotations which go with that.

It sounds like he's with you because you're young, not because you're you.

That and he's creepy. spider shudders

You can do better.

You never deserve to be patronised, especially not if you've been vulnerable recently (not sure what you mean by "a mess" but the way you're doubting yourself and your judgement makes it sound MH related). I hope you're looking after yourself and trusting your instincts. If you don't like the way someone is addressing you, you are allowed to tell them so. It doesn't matter if nobody but you would take it that way, it's your feelings that are important here!

Does him calling you Young Lady doesn't mean he's a misogynist does it? Surely sometimes it's just, a bit of teasing?

Don't people talk to their partners ?

But she doesn't like it. She doesn't have to like it, and she can say so if she feels uncomfortable. It doesn't mean he's a misogynist, no, but I and many other women would find it creepy and ill-judged. I personally can't stand that sort of 'bantz' but each to their own.

Thanks for all your input and kindness. I have a history of abusive relationships so don't always know what's normal and what's not which is why I asked on here. Your responses are pretty mixed so thats good because that means it's not a clear yes or no answer and that's ok that I didn't know myself. I will ask him to stop though.

He would stop if I told him. I will. Just thinking about how to approach this.
Him- hi young lady
You- I don't like it when you call me that
Done?

Very patronising.

Are you sure he'll be happy to stop? With no fuss at all?

I can just hear Curtis,

I feel like I deserve to be patronised because I have been a mess recently and not at my best.

Im sorry, whut? Nobody "deserves" to be patronised! My partner has been a bit ill recently, not at his best, but i dont patronise him because i love him, and dont feel the need to correct him constantly.

You don't "deserve to be patronised"

I would hate to be called "young lady" - it is kind of distancing as well as patronising

It would be ok to have nicknames for each other if it was part of a shared joke

Call him something he doesn't like and then agree different nicknames as a compromise

I had this from a couple of very very posh flings.

I didn’t mind. Took it as a class difference and delighted in calling them “babes” in return

It all depends how it is said. I have a close (female) friend who always calls me “Boobs”! With her, it’s fine, it’s not rude or condescending, but if anyone else called me that, I’d kill them.

You are human op, and not expected to be “ at your best” all the time, and being “ a bit of a mess” doesn’t mean you deserve patronising. Don’t be so harsh on yourself.
If you’re prone to being harsh, think would you judge / speak to/ advise a friend like that? Work on being an ally to yourself.

There are a range of responses, but look carefully at the context.

Those saying they like it and their partner does it are also saying it's just part of the affectionate banter within their relationship.

You are saying you feel you 'deserve' it because you've been a mess recently. Which suggests it's not a term of endearment. And you don't like it so it's not affectionate banter within your relationship.

The contexts are completely different.