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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this rational relationship behaviour

39 replies

Batty18 · 22/08/2019 01:05

Been married 22 years. He's always been a little hot headed but now I really don't know what the hell I'm doing wrong. So hard to estimate the mood swings.
Yesterday I prepared a slow cooker meal for tea so he wouldn't moan about tea not being cooked before a certain time. I went to participate in a charity thing for a friend. Came in was fine. Asked if he wanted tea he said no I wait till you've fetched our daughter from work. And dropped grandson and eldest daughter to footy practice. Came home. Stinking mood because I was a little longer than intended. Now says it's pointless living here. He's going to move out again. He says he feels like a lodger. Says he's fed up of my illnesses. I've put weight on and don't seem to want to do anything about it. He says fat bags don't do anything for him in the bedroom department. 🙄 Sex is few and far between because I've been suffering with a prolapse and infections and we are in separate rooms as I snore. He doesn't like the amount of time I spend with family. Says he's on his own. Which he isn't. Oh god the list is endless. What am I doing wrong. I work. Do 95% of the chores. Try and do whatever it takes to not be tormented. 😣

OP posts:
IamtheOA · 22/08/2019 01:10

He says fat bags don't do anything for him in the bedroom department
How cruel. Would you tell a friend they are fat and unattractive? Would you ever say that to anyone? I sure wouldn't.

Whateven · 22/08/2019 01:14

Please get him the fuck out of your life! Regardless of your time together he’s cruel and disrespectful!

looondonn · 22/08/2019 01:17

Total
Utter
Loser

Please RUN FAST

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/08/2019 01:20

He's going to move out again.

Pack his bags and that can be the last chore you do for the ungrateful wanker.

chickenyhead · 22/08/2019 01:20

Wow

He is soul destroyingly mean.

Sending hugs xxx

Bob42 · 22/08/2019 01:26

Sorry but what an arsehole. How dare he treat u like that. Don’t stand for it and tell him to sling his hook!
Poor you hope you’re ok xx

avamiah · 22/08/2019 01:37

Batty18,
He is what I would call a “monster”, we used to think they only existed in Horror films but they actually exist in Real Life.

Mileysmiley · 22/08/2019 01:39

Throw him out! What a complete tool ... I might moan about my hubby sleeping on the sofa but he wouldn't dare speak to me like that

Windmillwhirl · 22/08/2019 02:31

Let him go. What a horrible man.

purplebutterfly90 · 22/08/2019 02:32

I absolutely would not tolerate this, not from my husband, family, friends - no one! And neither should you. You sound lovely and he's a twat. Sorry OP, but I have to be honest. He sounds awful. I hope you find a way outThanks

Zaphodsotherhead · 22/08/2019 07:00

If he moans about tea not being cooked for a certain time, but you are doing lots of running about - why doesn't HE cook tea?

He sounds like he's got you at his beck and call, and has normalised a really not-normal situation. Pack his bags, call his bluff and get that twunt gone. How dare he tell you that you're fat and put him off sex? Is he Brad Pitt/George Clooney (insert sex god of choice)?

Tell him that his attitude puts you off sex, and you're better off apart.

category12 · 22/08/2019 07:07

What do you actually want him for? He's horrible to you, and he does fuck all around the house.

If he leaves, your life would be better. Less work, peaceful home, not trying to please the unpleasable.

Help him pack, fgs.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 22/08/2019 07:21

Do you honestly think it is you who is doing something wrong?

happycamper11 · 22/08/2019 07:22

When he says he's going to leave, smile and say thank goodness. See him out and tell him you'll forward his stuff 💁🏼‍♀️

Chitarra · 22/08/2019 07:24

Let him move out OP. What's the point of you trying so hard to please him if this is how little he appreciates your efforts?

Robin2323 · 22/08/2019 07:24

Just for arguments sake :

If you lost weight
Had meals on time
And spent most of your time with him (and I'm not saying you should)

Would he be happy????

Or would he just find something
Else to Moan about ?

MoseShrute · 22/08/2019 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

7yo7yo · 22/08/2019 07:26

Tell him to
Piss of then.

AmIThough · 22/08/2019 07:27

He wants a person who cooks his dinners, washes his clothes and will have sex on tap (all while keeping the body of a 20 year old). He doesn't want a wife or partner.

He's a pig. Him leaving wouldn't be a bad thing.

GilbertMarkham · 22/08/2019 07:30

Abuser.

GilbertMarkham · 22/08/2019 07:31

www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf

FredaFrogspawn · 22/08/2019 07:31

Have you spoken to your daughter about this? You sound horribly trapped in what is an abusive relationship. Would she support you to extrapolate yourself from this Neanderthal?

MarianaMoatedGrange · 22/08/2019 07:32

Why on earth are you skivvying for and trying to please this appalling individual?

FantasticButtocks · 22/08/2019 07:41

He's got you hopping around trying to figure out what you've done wrong? Shock

Has he dominated you for all of these 22 years with his demands and criticism? If your daughter was married to someone who spoke to her in this way, would you be advising her to find endless different ways to please him? Or would you be telling her to free herself and value herself enough to not put up with such a woeful lack of respect?

Allow yourself a good and peaceful life OP, and stop tolerating this nasty, cruel bully. You've only got one life, make sure you give yourself the opportunity to actually enjoy it. It is absolutely pointless to be in a relationship where you are not able to flourish and be loved.

Thanks
Batty18 · 22/08/2019 09:16

He would find something else to moan about. Xxx

OP posts:
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