Is this rational relationship behaviour

[Batty18]

Been married 22 years. He's always been a little hot headed but now I really don't know what the hell I'm doing wrong. So hard to estimate the mood swings.
Yesterday I prepared a slow cooker meal for tea so he wouldn't moan about tea not being cooked before a certain time. I went to participate in a charity thing for a friend. Came in was fine. Asked if he wanted tea he said no I wait till you've fetched our daughter from work. And dropped grandson and eldest daughter to footy practice. Came home. Stinking mood because I was a little longer than intended. Now says it's pointless living here. He's going to move out again. He says he feels like a lodger. Says he's fed up of my illnesses. I've put weight on and don't seem to want to do anything about it. He says fat bags don't do anything for him in the bedroom department. 🙄 Sex is few and far between because I've been suffering with a prolapse and infections and we are in separate rooms as I snore. He doesn't like the amount of time I spend with family. Says he's on his own. Which he isn't. Oh god the list is endless. What am I doing wrong. I work. Do 95% of the chores. Try and do whatever it takes to not be tormented. 😣

I sit and think is it. I suppose it's how it gets you. I'm not a person that enjoys shopping etc but that's just me. I enjoy being able to have my grandson and take him to school and pick up approx three days a week depends. I've got a new grandaughter as well. I work on a hospital ward so it's all over the place. I'm sitting here now on my day off. He's at work till two. They won't let him do more because of the cancer he was diagnosed with. I'm pondering on do I go and see my grandaughter as I've not seen her for two weeks nearly. Or clean up then stay here and chill. When he comes home at two. He wi ho to bed. I just don't know anymore. I really try to be a nice person. Don't ask for much.

He says he will leave
Your reply; cheery bye

Can you imagine how wonderfully free and light your life would be to do and go as you please, without having to listen to that nasty abusive day in day out? Come home, fancy seeing your granddaughter? You can! And no one to give you shit for it.

Bob42 I'll be OK. Just wears you down. It's such a bloody mess. I don't profess to be Julia Roberts but I'm not that bad. Yes I've put on a little more weight but he has too. It seems to be like I said when you try and be a nice girl love and care for people you come worse off. Thanks for taking the time to reply. X

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. What keeps you with this person at all?

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Moodiness like he has shown you for most, if not all, of your marriage is another form of emotional abuse. I knew how he would react towards you given this and you going out and he behaved exactly as I expected he would (I read all your initial post). He does this because he can and it works for him. If you were to look at his parents or siblings, you would probably find that they are the self same (such behaviour is often learnt from parents).

You only get one life; do not make this the rest of your life. I doubt very much he would actually leave; he likes having you around to abuse. You work in a caring profession and seem to be one of life's all too nice and caring, perhaps codependent people who put themselves last. He certainly puts himself first whilst you last. Love your own self for a change, he needs you far far more than you actually need him.

And he does not love you at all. He does not know the meaning of the word.

What do your adult children think of him?.

I hope he does move out (and he needs to be gone from your life permanently) but I would hazard a guess that he will not do so anytime soon.

You say he’s been diagnosed with cancer - is he on treatment currently? Has he always been like this or is it since treatment? When my mum was sick I saw lots of people saying that cancer treatment had changed the personalities of their loved ones and they became unbearably nasty. Depends on the treatment obviously.

I’m not trying to make excuses, this behaviour isn’t okay regardless of the cause- just trying to establish if he’s always been like this?

Get yourself off to your granddaughter.

It's fine.

Ensure he knows where you are.
Be back when you say you will but allow yourself more time than you need in case you run over like last time.

And if you normally make his tea either leave some in the fridge or be back to do it.

As ling as you're respectful you can ignore his moans.

Now have a good time and get in lots of cuddles

Batty18
Go see your new granddaughter - please believe me that life is too short to put up with this nonsense from your H.
You've been married 22 years..... are you looking forward to the next 22 ?
No ? Then either leave or get him to leave.

OP this man is awful to you. You need to stop worrying about his feeling and think about yourself. Go and see your grand-daughter! Then if he says anything just tell him to move out like he promised. You need to stand up for yourself.

Oh dear. Help him pack and tell him not to let the door hit him in the ass on the way out! He's cruel and mentally unstable.

Now says it's pointless living here. He's going to move out again
Your response to this is... 'Well thank fuck for that. Here, let me help you pack'

You do everything.
He does fuck all but expects all sorts.
Fuck that.
You've lost sight of what a respectful, equal relationship looks like.
Well let me tell you that this is the OPPOSITE of what it should look like.
Let him go.
Your life will be immeasurable better with him out of your hair.
He's a fun sucker.
Live your very best life.
Not this crappy life you are living trying to please this piece of shit!

RUN AND BE FREE - THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

LTB.

It seems to be like I said when you try and be a nice girl love and care for people you come worse off.

Only if you also put up with piles of crap. You can be nice and have boundaries.